Finding the Problem--Walking the Path of Cultivation Well and Rectifying Myself at All Times
(Clearwisdom.net) It seems on the surface that the situation described herein was caused by the fact that a fellow practitioner could no longer endure the torture and revealed my name to the interrogators, but I knew that it was a problem with my own cultivation. Before this incident, I had insomnia for two years, and I was resisting the evil forces in the other dimensions for a long time. Every night, the evil forces attacked my body while I was sleeping, and I had to get up several times to send forth righteous thoughts to ward off the attacks in order to sleep. That wore me out.
--by the author
Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
This is a summary of my cultivation experiences over the last three years. It explains how I rectified myself, continued Fa study, created a new environment, and walked the path of cultivation well.
1. After Falling Down, I Got Up Again to March Forward
Before the Olympics in 2008, a fellow practitioner was persecuted and revealed my name, I was subsequently arrested and held, but after joint efforts by my family and fellow practitioners, I was released. But the persecution damaged my body a great deal. My hair turned gray and my body was deteriorating.
It seemed on the surface that this was caused by the fact that a fellow practitioner could no longer endure the torture, and revealed my name to the interrogators, but I knew it was a problem with my own cultivation. Before this incident, I had had insomnia for two years, and I was resisting the evil forces in the other dimensions for a long time. Every night, the evil forces attacked my body while I was sleeping, and I had to get up several times to send forth righteous thoughts to ward off the attacks in order to sleep. That wore me out.
I was tired all the time and could not figure out why. I discussed this with fellow practitioners, and they made many suggestions, but I could not find the solution to the problem. I was fairly diligent in Fa study and sent forth righteous thoughts often. Where did the problem come from? I was puzzled. I wished that there was another practitioner who could provide truth clarification materials instead of me, but due to various problems such as lack of technical skills or a difficult family environment, I was the only one. Since the quantity of materials I could make did not meet our needs, fellow practitioners complained that I did not keep up with the pace of Fa rectification and I impeded the pace of saving sentient beings.
I was distressed by their misunderstanding and my problems in cultivation and I started to resent them. In the meantime, the police followed and arrested several fellow practitioners, and many more were involved and were persecuted. I was one of them. Several were sent to forced labor camps, and several more to brainwashing centers. It seemed the evil was rampant. During the persecution, I noticed that those who studied the Fa well and had strong righteous thoughts were not arrested, or were able to leave the very same day, but I was held for over two months. I realized that my gaps in cultivation was the reason for the different results. It has nothing to do with how much hardship you've endured, how many materials you make, or how long you have cultivated.
But where did my problem come from? Facing my current state of health and difficult environment, I felt helpless. I obtained the Fa in 1998. Since the persecution began in 1999, this was the third time I had felt that I could not move on. Each time in the past it was fellow practitioners who were persecuted, and I charged through the difficulties by being diligent. But now, my physical strength was depleted, making it impossible to solve the problem by being diligent. I was extremely worried, I didn't know if I could go on like this. I said to Master, “Master, your disciple already tried her best, but I am truly exhausted. Maybe I have already reached the end.”
In a dream that night, I saw Master lift me up by my heels with all his might. I was hindered by only a loose net, but I could not move up an inch because I was so exhausted. When I woke up, I could not forget the scene of Master lifting me up. Over the years, it has always been Master who was lifting me. I felt it was Master who should be tired instead of me.
I began to quietly study the Fa. After I took my daughter to school, I thought over the last several years. I was working side jobs, maintaining the materials site, and facing all sorts of problems. Financial problems were the major ones now. At that moment I said to myself, “I should not live like this any longer. I need a steady job!” I realized that if I had a steady job, I would have financial security, be more efficient in cultivation and in saving sentient beings, and it would be the guarantee for me to walk the Fa rectification path well for the final journey.
I used to work in the financial district when the persecution was at its peak. My employer cooperated with the 610 Office and Domestic Security Division, and harassed me constantly. I didn't know how to eliminate the interference with the power of the Fa. I told my employer, “You are using my job to hold me hostage to force me to give up Dafa. Even if I have to do hard labor, I will still practice Falun Dafa!” Later on I did lose my job, and my marriage also ended. In 2003, I established the materials production site with my money from doing odd jobs. It was a very difficult time, and I could not even afford the simplest meal. Fellow practitioners saw my difficulties and helped me financially. I didn't use any of the money on myself but on the materials site. I didn't tell any fellow practitioners about this. My parents helped me with rice and flour, but they were struggling as well. I felt I had to solve the financial problem.
I sat in the yard at my parents' home, shoring up my strength. I discussed with my father how to find a steady job. After a short while, my brother found a job for me. It was located thousands of miles away. My father asked me if I wanted to go. I replied, “Yes.” I had no other choice. I said goodbye online to fellow practitioners. Most of them were against my leaving. They hoped that I would stay and continue running the materials site. They said they would help with my living expenses. I didn't reply, nor did I tell them that my physical state was not ideal.
I took a train to the distant city, leaving my parents and under-aged daughter behind. I felt like a Taoist practitioner who carried the scriptures and wandered around in the world. I have walked a long way already, now I am again on my way.
When I arrived at the new place, everything was surprisingly easy. I was assigned living quarters with three rooms and one living room. Internet access was included. My co-worker joked that my living quarters were at the level of an upper level administrator. After I settled down, I found in other dimensions sentient beings dressed in their ethnic costumes, singing and dancing, welcoming me on my arrival...oh, the sentient beings knew that a Dafa practitioner was here!
2. Studying the Fa, Cultivating My Heart, and Rectifying Myself
I settled down at the new place. My life was peaceful and the job was stress free. I spent a large amount of time attentively studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and reading the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net) on a daily basis. I searched for the problem within. I discovered that I had been deviating from the Fa for quite some time. I had been busy making materials and hardly had any concentrated time to deeply assimilate myself to the Fa, so my understanding of the Fa was still stuck at the level of individual cultivation, which did not meet the requirement of Fa rectification. I made many truth clarifying materials to expose the crimes of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), but the mentalities of fighting, disgust, and hatred were mixed into them.
I gradually noticed that the evil resistance in the other dimension disappearing. My insomnia was gone, I finally was able to sleep well, and my energy and health were restored. I thought perhaps it was because I studied the Fa well.
One day, my co-workers had a gathering and asked me to come. We were eating and watching TV. I couldn't leave, so I watched with them for a while. But that very night, I was attacked by the evil in the other dimension in my dream again, and my former state returned. I suddenly realized that the long-term insomnia and the relentless attacks on my body all came from the evil of everyday people's media!
I got up and erected my palm, cleansing all rotten demons and black substances that came from everyday TV. I immediately felt air being sucked out of my body through my nose. It took a while until it was completely out. I even heard their screaming on the way out. I realized Master talked about this long time ago, and I just understood! Master said in Zhuan Falun,
“Therefore, this present, objectively existing environment seriously interferes with our practitioners’ cultivation toward high levels. Nude pictures are displayed right over there, hanging in the middle of the street. Once you look up, you will see them.”
I couldn't believe that my long term insomnia came from everyday people's media! I began searching for the problems within, systematically and deeply. I had loved to read ever since childhood. Although it seemed an advantage for everyday people, it became a major gap which was taken advantage of by the evil.
I gradually became able to see clearly that the human level of truth is reversed from the Fa of the cosmos. My brother registered me for an exam for my professional title. As I prepared, I noticed the financial books were not clean. I used to think that in this type of career you only had to deal with numbers, so it should be clean, but as I studied, black substances poured into my body. I gave up studying and the exam. My brother is a college teacher, and he began to lecture me, “I don't understand why you stopped learning. I believe that a professional title represents a benefit, it is a symbol of your credibility. If you have no title, who will acknowledge you? Do you have to give up everything when you cultivate Buddhahood?” I replied, “Cultivation requires purification, and the purpose of purification is to be responsible to sentient beings. The books are filthy, without exception. I am beginning to understand why Sakyamuni asked his disciples to cultivate in temples and chant the scriptures every day. It was because he couldn't solve the problem of his disciples being contaminated in everyday people's society on a large scale. But Dafa can. It is not that I can't take the professional title exam. It's just that it takes too much of my energy and effort, and I have to clean the filthy things I learned from science on a daily basis. It will cause more difficulty for Master.” My brother murmured, “That is the reason why Master never attended college...” Wow, my brother called him Master!
I truly realized that it is much harder to cultivate among everyday society. Just like what Master mentioned in recent scriptures,
“But the path will be very narrow—narrow to the extent that only if you are extremely righteous will things work out and will you manage to save people. Only if you can go about things in an extremely righteous manner will there be no problems.” (“What is a Dafa Disciple”)
From that point on, I no longer watched everyday people's movies or read their books. When I accidentally hear or see something, I immediately send forth righteous thoughts eliminating the evil factors behind it. And when I come home, I concentrate on eliminating the deviated factors that I saw or heard during the day.
Besides cultivation and saving sentient beings, there is nothing in everyday society that I am attached to. I feel lonely at times, such as when I see others gathering for holidays. I will be studying the Fa and making and sending informational materials. I am only in my thirties and I have cultivated for over 12 years. Cultivation is arduous and lonely, but the happiness of obtaining the Fa is beyond words.
One day as I was studying Zhuan Falun, I read what Master stated,
“Because he is unaware of being cold, in winter he will run around in the snow with bare feet and wear thin clothes. His feet will be frozen to the point of heavy bleeding. Because he is unaware of filth, he dares to eat human excrement and drink human urine. I once knew such a person who would eat horse excrement as if it was tasty, though it was frozen very hard. He could suffer hardships that an everyday person would not suffer with a conscious mind. Just imagine how much this insanity made him suffer. Of course, such people usually have supernormal abilities”
I burst out laughing. I felt Master was sitting in front of me, teaching me the requirements of the realm using the most vivid, accurate descriptions. It is so profound. The substances behind my loneliness disappeared.
3. Using money to save sentient beings
Once my job became stable, I learned about the project that used cell phones to clarify the persecution facts. At that time, a supervisor asked me how much I wanted to be paid. I really had not thought about it. But then I considered, “For many years of doing temporary jobs, I was only getting several hundred a month. I would be satisfied with 2000 per month.”
Indeed, one day the supervisor said, “Your final salary hasn't been decided yet. We will temporarily give you 2000.” I was very surprised. How could I get 2000 so easily? Master must have been helping me.
Now that I had the money, I bought the cell phone cards and began to work on clarifying the facts with the phone. Eventually I discovered that 2000 per month actually wasn't enough. After buying the cell phone cards I didn't have much left. I said to myself, “It would be nice if I could get 500 more.”
Some time later, the supervisor found me and said that 500 more would be added to my salary.
After hearing this, I laughed and thought, “Why do I get however much I think about? Is it really that I get to decide it? How could that be possible? I don't have much education or a professional title.” Then I thought, “Is that notion right? Is it in accordance with the Fa?” In the section “Jealousy” in Zhuan Falun, Master said,
“From the perspective of a higher life, the development of human society progresses according to the specific law of development. Therefore, what one does in life is not arranged based on one’s abilities. Buddhism believes in the principle of karmic retribution. One’s life is arranged according to one’s karma. No matter how capable you are, if you do not have de, perhaps you will have nothing in this life. You think that another person is good at nothing, but he has a lot of de. He could become a high-ranking official or make a big fortune.”
I thought that maybe this job was to help me save sentient beings and save the lives on the cosmic system corresponding to me. Then how much should I set my salary? In the end I set it at 3000.
Not long after, a final decision was made and it was 3000. The supervisor said, “This number was determined after several meetings of the superiors.” I laughed to myself. I knew that it was caused by the fact that my xinxing and my understanding of Fa-rectification didn't immediately reach the level. Master talked about “the appearance stems from the mind” and it was reflected to me just like that!
Now, as the capacity of my xinxing has increased, my monthly salary has passed 6000. My technique of using cell phones to clarify the truth has also matured. With a smart phone and two MTK cell phones, everything is going very well. I'm also able to reach a wider area. I'm reaching both the cities on the borders and the cities more inside the country, and I'm reaching people around me as well as people with random numbers. I'm doing it by sending SMS, MMS, recordings, etc. The content is also getting richer as Fa-rectification continues. I'm again happily walking on the path of saving sentient beings in the Fa-rectification period! However, I also saw that the improvement in my economic situation and becoming richer were a new test for me.
One time, I bought my daughter a 100-yuan scarf when I returned home after being gone a long time. My daughter was very happy and wore it to my parents' home. My father saw it and asked me, “Very expensive?” I carelessly answered, “Yeah, over 100.” My father paused and then said to me in a very serious tone, “When you have money, you must learn to manage it and use every cent wisely!” My father's words hit me very hard. I knew the real meaning behind that sentence. All the things that I acquire do not really belong to me. All the sentient beings are watching how I am using this money and looking forward to seeing it used well!
I remember that during the worst times when the Chinese Communist regime was persecuting Falun Gong, for a while I worked at a materials production site. That summer, a practitioner spent eight yuan and bought me a shirt made of artificial cotton. I wore it the entire summer. Because everyone did the same, I didn't really feel bad. Later, I returned home and got a job. Once before an interview, I bought 200 yuan worth of clothes, because I didn't want to look poor. As I carried my new clothes out of the store, I suddenly saw under the tree in front of me a shirt exactly the same as the eight-yuan shirt that the fellow practitioner had bought me. I felt something poke my heart. I knew the reason Master wanted me to see it. I remembered the great state I was in while at the materials site and then the human notions that emerged after I returned to the everyday world. I was getting farther away from that sacred state.
I cried. That moment is indelibly imprinted in my memory. In the following several years, I again took on a materials production site. I never took one cent from it, and even the money that fellow practitioners gave me, I did not touch. My parents were giving me some money to support me, and I tried to save as much as possible and use it to make materials. One day when my mother was giving me money, she said, “Child, although for these many years, I have suffered and been frightened on your account, and I was often angry at you, for some reason I still just want to give you money. Your father said that my life is quite miserable, because I ride the three-wheeled bicycle to the market to sell vegetables just so that I have money to give you. But neither of you know how happy I am after giving you money each time.”
I understood that Master was telling me through my mother's words that each cent in the materials site was saved by everyone and they are the hopes for sentient beings! I must treasure each cent just as I treasure my mother's help.
I was persecuted in 2008, before the Olympics, by the evil CCP. I was saved by fellow practitioners and my family. The moment we opened the door, my mother was very scared. The CDs and materials were piled up in the middle of the room. It was obvious that the police had again secretly come to our home, and they were showing to me that they had discovered the materials and books, but they didn't touch them. I was even more surprised that the 1000 yuan originally taken away by police was put back where I had hidden it. The police had asked me before whether I had any savings. I told them I didn't have a cent that belonged to me. But the police took away 60,000 yuan from another practitioner's home who was detained with me. They also took the deposit certificate of another practitioner and would not give it back despite the fact that the practitioner went day after day asking for it. I don't know the reasons for everything, but my experiences have taught me that in today's Fa-rectification period, it is extremely crucial that Dafa practitioners use money correctly. If we truly are able to give up everything that doesn't belong to us, then I think the evil will not dare to touch even one cent of a Dafa practitioner's money.
I'm currently working as an accountant. My workload is light and I can finish a month's work in a week. I use the rest of the time to do Dafa work and save sentient beings. What is even better is that I have a five months of paid vacation every year, and thus I again have plenty of time to go back to my hometown and save sentient beings there with the local practitioners. I know that all of this was given by Master and is for saving sentient beings. It will not be acceptable if I don't do well.
Every day I walk on my cultivation path, it feels like I'm racing with time. I feel that there is not enough time and I'm not saving enough people.
5. Final Thoughts
Lastly, I would like revisit what Master recently said in “What is a Dafa Disciple,”
“As for saving sentient beings and clarifying the truth, a lot of people haven’t done it in depth. They’ll say just a few words to people, thinking 'Listen or don’t listen, just do whatever you like. You don’t want to listen, fine!' and they’ll go on to find the next person. In whatever you do you should carry it through to the end, do it well, and if you intend to save someone, then go ahead and save him. When someone is placed before you, there isn’t a choice—you’re wrong if you become selective in terms of saving people. As long as he is someone you run into, you should save him, regardless of his position or social status, or whether he be the president or a beggar. In the eyes of gods, beings are equal. Social status is just a distinction made in human society. My hope is that Dafa disciples can all be like how they were with each other in the old times, and as diligent as before when you first obtained the Fa. There used to be a Buddhist saying, the idea of which was: If you can be like you have just begun, all the way from the beginning to the end, you will surely achieve Consummation.”
I thank our great Master for his vast Buddha's grace and compassionate salvation! I feel greatly honored to be able to follow Master in Fa-rectification and save sentient beings during this special time. In the final part of the Fa-rectification path, I'll keep walking on it and I'll clarify the persecution facts and save sentient beings more comprehensively!
I also thank fellow practitioners, sentient beings, and my family for their constant support during my difficult times. I hope that they will all be saved by Dafa and return home with Master!
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners! Heshi!