(Clearwisdom.net) During recent years I have been going through the same xinxing test. I found that I never remembered to consider others' feelings when I faced things, big or small. I was always opinionated, and the result was an unexpected conflict and misunderstanding each time.
Initially I could not figure it out because I felt it was not my fault. Sometimes this occurred with a fellow practitioner, and sometimes it was with a non-practitioner. I always blamed others for their attachments or shortcomings, and I never felt that I had a selfish heart. I felt I was never wrong and at most I felt everything would be alright and conflicts would go away if I just continued to do the same. I always felt in my heart that I was wronged and misunderstood, but I could not explain it clearly. I knew that I should look inward, but it was very superficial, and I always thought in terms of how things should be done without changing myself fundamentally. Gradually I understood: “Isn't this occurring for me to change my human notions? If I don't have any malicious intentions, then I must be a good person by doing so.” This was based on my habit of looking outward. It was not really detached from ordinary notions.
I have studied Zhuan Falun for over 10 years and have also recited it from memory a few times. However, I did not truly see the inner meaning of the Fa at higher levels. This is because my realm was not at higher levels. I have often thought that I did very well, better than average.
Now I read what Master said in Zhuan Falun:
“As practitioners, you will suddenly come across conflicts. What should you do? You should always maintain a heart of compassion and kindness. Then, when you run into a problem, you will be able to do well because it gives you room to buffer the confrontation. You should always be benevolent and kind to others, and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone. In doing so, there will not be any problems. Therefore, in cultivation practice you should follow a higher and higher standard for yourself.”
I realized that what I understood was this principle at the human level. For example, I thought: “I would never hurt anyone intentionally. My intentions are good; so others should have the same thoughts I do. Otherwise there is something wrong with them.”
I feel that my mind is very simple. However, after the many tests, I looked inward each time. The repeated looking inward and cultivating inward made me realize: “As cultivators we should eliminate everything selfish and eventually cultivate to a selfless, righteous, enlightened being.” But I also wondered why it was always “my” fault. Even though I have not completely eliminated human notions and not quite met the requirements of the Fa, I am getting a clearer and clearer understanding now: “I must change this state of being attached to myself (including 'my' feelings, 'my' ways and things that 'I' wanted to do, etc.) so as to meet the requirements of the Fa.” Realizing this, I feel that I have improved as I finally see the inner meaning of the Fa at higher levels. Every word I read is different from how it was in the past, and has broader and deeper meanings. This is what I have never seen in the past. I feel like a door has opened in front of me.