(Clearwisdom.net) One morning about two weeks ago, I went to talk to people about the persecution of Falun Gong. After that, I planned to study the Fa at home in the afternoon. However, when I picked up the book, I was unable to concentrate on what I was reading. I began to feel very sleepy after reading just a few lines. I knew it was interference, so I began to send righteous thoughts to eliminate it. However, I began to feel sleepy again. This kind of situation rarely happens to me. I thought that I was really tired, so I would take a short nap; but I could not fall asleep. I began to examine why this was happening. At that moment a man's face appeared in my mind. It was the man I had given a Shen Yun DVD to in the morning. When I gave him the DVD, I glanced at him and thought that he was handsome. That thought was taken advantage of by the demon of lust.
When I enlightened that it was my attachment to lust causing the problem, I began to look inside. Why would I be attached to his good looks? It was because society values lust over everything else. People all like good looking men and beautiful women. The newspapers, television programs, and movies all prefer good looking people. The better looking you are, the more acknowledgement you will receive. You will be worshipped and envied by your relatives and friends. Even I noticed that everyone liked me because I am pretty. Therefore, whenever I wanted to do something, people would usually do what I asked. I used to enjoy such treatment very much. I did not want to hear something that I did not like to hear, did not want to have setbacks, and had a very strong attachment to seeking comfort. I hoped people would treat me well and provide me with all sorts of conveniences. I liked to make gains at the expense of other people, and therefore fostered a selfish character. I seldom considered other people and confused myself with everyday people whose moral standards have deteriorated to a very serious degree.
Having enlightened to these things, I instantly felt elated, and when I read the Fa again I had no problems. I did not feel sleepy any more. Within just a few minutes I had experienced two totally different situations.
It was not easy to let go of the attachment of lust. Recently, love songs occasionally played in my mind, and when I tried to get rid of them I couldn't do it. When studying the Fa, I again felt sleepy. In the morning I enlightened that I always liked it when men liked me, and I didn't want to let go of the attachment of enjoying being praised by people. I still had the wish to be happy, was unwilling to suffer hardships or pain, and didn't want to be treated with disdain.
I was forced to get a divorce in the first half of 2010. However, I failed to let go of the love between a man and a woman. In my subconscious I still wanted to use my good looks (I am in my 40's) to attract men to help and take care of me. I had been resisting the idea, but it had entered my mind repeatedly. Maybe I needed to eliminate it layer by layer. The substance that had been accumulated all these years, beginning in my childhood, was very thick. Over the last year I had been letting go of this filthy attachment and the old forces had used it to persecute me. However, all this was eliminated under the compassionate care of Teacher.
I enlightened that all emotional attachments are dirty and that I still wanted to use other people to gain comfort for myself. As cultivators of Falun Dafa we must let go of this sentimentality and reach the state of giving without wanting to be rewarded; in other words to reach the state of considering others first, so as to attain the righteous enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.
Those fellow practitioners who felt sleepy when studying the Fa, but were full of energy after putting the book down, need to look inward to see what attachments need to be let go. Everything will return to normal when you have let go of all of these attachments.
The above describes some of what I have enlightened to; please feel free to comment and correct.
Category: Improving Oneself
