Cultivating Myself and Improving My Understanding from Doing Coordination Work
(Clearwisdom.net) I attained the Fa in September 1996 and have cultivated in Dafa for 14 years. All the suffering and hardships that I have experienced during a period of over 10 years (since the persecution started) are vividly displayed in front of my eyes. It is because of Master's compassion and salvation that I have been able to attain the Fa, cultivate myself, validate the Fa, and continue to the present day. Here I want to share some of my experiences and understandings on the issue of coordination and cooperation among the one body of Dafa practitioners.
Being the Coordinator of a Practice Site
I was a coordinator of the practice site where I practiced before July 20, 1999. I was a very conceited and arrogant person because of the habit that I developed in my ordinary work. I always unknowingly positioned myself above other practitioners. My mentality was one of leading others and showing off. Because of this, I have experienced all kinds of setbacks on the path of cultivation. Only through studying the Fa and cultivating myself did I realize that it was not because I had cultivated well that I became a coordinator. Instead, it was because of my strong attachment to fame, as well as many other attachments, which were very serious, that Master utilized the means of having me become a coordinator to expose my attachments so as to have me cultivate them away. It was very painful to realize that I had these xinxing problems. Looking back at my cultivation experience, I feel extremely grateful to Master for his arrangement.
Becoming a Coordinator During the Persecution
After July 20, 1999, like other coordinators in my region, I became a major target of the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) persecution. I have been detained or sent to brainwashing centers or forced labor camps multiple times. The evil also used the demon of lust to try to drag me down. In the end, I failed in my resistance and I left a blemish on my validation of the Fa.
After making the mistake of falling prey to lust and being in forced labor camps twice, my spirit was very low, and I fell to the bottom. I isolated myself from the whole body of Dafa practitioners for two years. It was possibly because Master had seen that my will to cultivate had not changed, that He used all kinds of means to enlighten and guide me; Master arranged for other practitioners to come help me. Master's words encouraged me. In this way, after conducting a painful re-examination, I finally came back and rejoined the other practitioners in validating the Fa and saving sentient beings.
In the fall of 2003, after I had just returned to cultivation, almost no one in our region had gotten onto the Minghui website (the Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net). By chance (which I knew was arranged by Master), a practitioner in another region gave me a flash memory stick, telling me that I could use it to get onto the Minghui website. So I got onto the Minghui website with both excitement and fear. Then I started to transcribe Master's new articles from the website (I did not have a printer at the time) and I gave the articles to fellow practitioners. I also used Minghui articles to encourage the fellow practitioners around me to step forward to offer sentient beings salvation. In this way I gradually but naturally took on the work of coordinating the practitioners.
Up until 2006 (when I was persecuted for the second time), I had done all kinds of Dafa work, such as compiling, delivering, and preparing truth-clarification materials, setting up Fa-study groups, taking charge of distributing truth-clarification materials, putting out banners, and clarifying the truth to people face-to-face. At that time, I had inexhaustible energy, despite all the risks. I had not delayed my Fa study either; I recited by memory Zhuan Falun, once in less than two months. However, because of my having too strong an attachment to just doing things and to my children, because I had not eliminated the attachment to lust, because there existed severe gaps that separated the coordinators, and so on, the evil capitalized on these loopholes. As a result, I was once again persecuted, which was in the Spring of 2006. I was sent to a forced labor camp for the second time. During the following one-and-a-half years of persecution, although I did not go astray in my understanding of cultivation, after I came out of the labor camp, I developed the strong attachments of fear and to comfort.
Especially after I saw that several of the major coordinators in our region had been persecuted and that the practitioners were in an unorganized state, I felt very dejected. I just wanted to do the three things quietly at home, and I did not want to get involved in the work of coordination. Many veteran practitioners tried to persuade me to come out to shoulder the coordination work again, but I refused with various excuses.
Because of the multiple stumbles I experienced, I had learned my lesson. I then started to study the Fa and work hard on improving my xinxing. I looked inward and found a deeply-hidden attachment, which I had not recognized before. This attachment was "selfishness," which was the sediment of a remote history and a leftover of the old cosmos. I also found that many attachments of mine derived from this selfishness. It was also the obstacle that had caused me to stumble many times, and it rendered me unable to pass many tribulations. Although I had found the attachment, it was still a painful process to let it go.
Harmonizing, Cooperating, and Coordinating in a Great Way Without Form
My xinxing has gradually improved with my studying the Fa and looking within. Over the last several years several new coordinators have also emerged in our region. We summarized our past lessons and looked to see why the old coordinators had experienced different degrees of persecution. Although there was the factor that the prior coordinators all had their own loopholes, there was also the factor that some fellow practitioners always wanted to follow the coordinators and developed the mentality of worshiping and relying on the coordinators. The latter was also an important factor that allowed the evil to capitalize on the practitioners' loopholes.
To prevent the new coordinators from encountering a similar situation, I discussed these issues many times with the fellow practitioners. I found that although these new coordinators were very diligent in cultivation, they lacked experience because they had not done coordination work before, and some of them started their cultivation after July 20, 1999. From Master's teachings about our practice being "A Great Way Without Form," I have come to the following enlightenment: We cannot simply have several practitioners position themselves as the "coordinators." Because every practitioner is a particle of Dafa, he or she should be responsible to the Fa and should also, in effect, be a coordinator; it is just that everyone performs different aspects of the work. In this way I position myself as a particle, and I no longer take unjustified pride for being a "coordinator." I just silently harmonize and supplement what the coordinators have failed to recognize or accomplish. I try my best to have more practitioners get involved and give more practitioners the chance to step forward. During this process I have also changed many of my views; my mind has also become even broader than before. On the issue of cooperation among Dafa practitioners as a whole, I can see through various false manifestations that are created by the old forces' exploitation of my attachments and those of my fellow practitioners; I am not moved by these false manifestations.
I know that I still have many attachments that I have not let go of. I read a Shandong Province Dafa practitioner's article, "What is Behind the Words of Complaint and Accusation" (http://www.clearwisdom.net/html/articles/2010/9/11/119942.html). I realized that a similar issue has also existed in me. I agree with the article's viewpoint, "When someone speaks with a whiny or accusing tone of voice, conflicts are bound to arise even when there is no conflict, and gaps may be created where no gaps previously existed. Conflicts amongst practitioners and the lack of cooperation between us are the results of practitioners' complaints and accusations about one another. This creates an invisible gap that separates practitioners, and brings forth negative elements and obstacles for our cultivation, as well as our Fa validation." There is such an issue around me now. I indeed need to cultivate myself well in this regard. In the recent several days, I also read several western practitioners' experience-sharing articles that were presented at the recent Falun Dafa Experience Sharing Conference in New York. The unselfish realm that they have exhibited in their doing Dafa work has moved me and made me feel embarrassed about my own state. Their purity and candidness have helped me realize how deeply and severely we have been poisoned by the communist party culture.
In future Fa-validation and salvation of sentient beings, I will even more firmly follow Master and continue to the end. I will do Dafa work even better and not let the sentient beings down! I will not let dear Master down and will return to heaven with Master after Consummation!