Cultivate Every Thought
(Clearwisdom.net) During the past few decades I had felt that I was seeking and waiting for something until the beginning of 1996. It was then that I had the unimaginably good fortune to obtain Zhuan Falun. After I read it several times, I was awakened. I finally found the Great Way I was waiting for. Words can hardly express my sense of joy and relief, nor can words express the reverence and holiness of it.
With further understanding of the Fa, I encountered xinxing tests, one after another. Neither my husband nor my relatives were supportive of me taking up a spiritual cultivation practice. I experienced difficulties, one after another. However, I believed in Dafa and could not be influenced by anyone. I have been walking on the path of cultivation for 13 years. In those 13 years, I have experienced all sorts of trials, including the test of ordinary people's fame, pursuits, and emotions and the test of life and death. I have gone to Tiananmen Square to meditate and hold up a banner to validate the Fa three times. Moreover, I have been insulted and beaten in the detention center twice and detained in the forced labor camp for three years. Facing the facts that my husband has knocked me senseless many times, my boss laid me off for four years (which made me lose over one hundred thousand yuan), the evil brutally persecuted practitioners, and I have been despised by everyday people, I did not regret my cultivation or shrink back. I became more diligent. Cultivating Dafa is the only great event in my life, and I will never betray Dafa.
Throughout all of this in the past 13 years, my determination of cultivating Dafa was never shaken. Here I will share my experience of getting through my xinxing tests.
Pass the Test of Life and Death
In 2006, I returned to my workplace. Every employee was required to have a medical examination. Since I just went back to my workplace, I would be embarrassed if I did not have the physical examination. However, the doctor said that I had three tumors in my uterus. The diameter of the largest tumor was eight centimeters. I was panicked for two or three days. Then I began to calm down. I started to do what a practitioner was supposed to do, and I did not tell anyone else about it.
In October 2006 I had a menstrual period for 20 days. One night, I had a dream in which my daughter cried and told me that I had cancer. I said to myself, "Let it be. I believe in Dafa." I went to work as usual. I believed that Master was purifying my body. With the help of fellow practitioners, I totally let go of my attachment to it. Then nothing serious happened. In December, 2007 I had a medical exam again. However, the doctor told me that there was nothing in my uterus. Hearing that news, I was so happy that Master purified my body and I passed the test.
Breaking Through Sentimentality
In my many years of living, I could not let go of sentimentality. I missed my first love so much. Prior to cultivation, I shed sad tears for him. I sulked even though I married my husband. I still could not forget my first love. So a lot of thought-karma formed through the years. After I started to cultivate, I conducted myself according to the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I noticed my strong attachment. I gradually let it go and did not get such ideas in my head any longer. However, after I returned to my workplace, one of my colleagues looked just like my first love. I had a deep affection for him. Since I had such a strong attachment, the old forces wanted to take advantage of my loopholes. Master also saw my attachment and tried to enlighten me to it many times. With the help of fellow practitioners, I studied the Fa and let go of sentimentality. I realized that because one thought was not righteous, the evil dared to make me fall in love and persecute me.
Now I can take things lightly and am not attached to sentimentality. I try to keep every thought righteous and eliminate human attachments which are not assimilated to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I watch myself to avoid the pitfalls of sentimentality.
I read Master's lecture "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan" three times. Master told us that it would cause serious consequences if we were too attached to sentimentality. Thinking about my attachment in the past which put all sorts of ideas in my head, I was in a cold sweat from fear. I should not be attached to it anymore, and it is time for me to keep my mind clean, eliminate all evil, and become a true practitioner. I wrote this because I wanted other practitioners who had similar attachments to draw a lesson from me. Time is limited. We should not waste our time, and we should cultivate Dafa diligently to help Master rectify the Fa and fulfill our vows.
Treat Our Families with Kindness
I had a male chauvinist husband. Since he had many social duties, he loved smoking and drinking. When he was drunk, he often insulted and beat my son and me. Prior to cultivation, I spent my days in tears. I often went to my mom's home and did not want to live with him. However, my mom always asked me to endure for my son's sake. After cultivation, although I could endure on the surface, deep down I was still harboring some resentment. So I was cold to others. Since I did not have the great compassion a practitioner should have, I could not validate the Fa well. When I was learning Master's lecture "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan", I found the heart of the problem.
"Remember that you do your cultivation in ordinary human society. All along you haven't done well dealing with the issue of having family members who don't cultivate. The expression that I used earlier holds true here, too--a three-foot block of ice doesn't form overnight. After you fail to handle things well at first, the resentment starts to pile up until it grows serious, and it will become, over time, a rift that seems completely irreconcilable. This kind of situation will bring difficulty to Dafa disciples as they attempt to validate the Fa. In every instance, however, the problem lies with our Dafa disciple. It is because you didn't handle the situation well initially that it has turned into what it has. With many things, it turns out that if you can balance things well and arrange your affairs correctly, there won't be any delays brought to the Dafa things that you do. [The problems] stem precisely from your not handling things well and overlooking what I just described." ("Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan")
Master's words enlightened me. I had not cultivated inward on this issue. I could not forget my first love and treated my marriage as a trifling matter. I did not take responsibility and was not compassionate to my husband, which led to the big gap between us. I did not conduct myself according to Dafa, but instead always complained about my husband. It wasn't until today that I found that attachment. I am truly ashamed. After I found the essence of the problem, I know that I have passed the test.
With no discontentment or hatred of anyone, I only believe in Dafa. I have made up my mind that I would help Master rectify the Fa, offer salvation to sentient beings, fulfill my vows and return home with Master.