(Clearwisdom.net) Reflecting on the past, Falun Dafa had been a part of my life for 12 years before I knew it. I was three and half years old when I was fortunate enough to be introduced to Dafa. Under Master's arrangement and my grandmother's step-by-step guidance, I gradually walked in Dafa. Over time, I have come to understand Dafa deeper and deeper, understand my own mission, know that every Dafa practitioner needs to find his or her own way eventually, and how to do a better job and take the right path in assisting Master to rectify the Fa.
The following are my cultivation experiences and understandings. I would like to take this opportunity to report to Master and share with fellow practitioners.
When my grandmother became ill in October 1997, my great-aunt got a Dafa book from someone in her hometown. That is when I started on the cultivation road. I was brought up by my grandmother, and because she happily obtained Dafa in 1997, I stayed with her, like a footman, and started practicing the Dafa exercises daily.
Later, I went to grade school and started to study Dafa by myself, and I began to understand the Fa more. At school, I tried to remind myself that I was a Dafa practitioner and that I need to remember what Master said when we experience conflict: "As a practitioner, the first thing you should be able to do is to not fight back when you are beaten or sworn at--you must be tolerant." (Zhuan Falun)
I had just started kindergarten around July 20, 1999. When I got home after school that day, I found my grandmother lying on her bed crying. She told me that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) would forbid practicing Falun Gong and had arrested many Falun Gong practitioners. Because the situation was tense at that time and people had suggested that my grandmother should abandon cultivation, she was sad and crying. Hearing Master and Dafa being wronged made me cry too. I tried to comfort my grandmother and to encourage her to keep going and to not abandon cultivation.
Perhaps my firm conviction at a young age encouraged my grandmother. She insisted on studying and practicing Dafa with me in the tense persecution days that followed. During that time, Master also encouraged me a few times in my dreams.
Two elder practitioners, who visited my grandmother often, were arrested and sent to a forced labor camp one after the other in 2003. My parents were scared and did not let me live with my grandmother for a long time. I was a grade school student at that time. My parents' decision shocked me like a lightning bolt from the blue sky. Yet, Dafa was already rooted in my heart. I still tried to find time to study and practice Dafa at my grandmother's home.
Tribulations came one after another. First, my mother registered me in various school study groups, which occupied most of my time. Then, she sent me to a boarding school outside of our area. Seeing this, my grandmother became worried. Whenever there was an opportunity, she would help me to understand the Fa. After she helped me a few times, I realized that my fear attachment was causing interference. Master said: "Fear can cause one to make mistakes, and fear can cause one to lose a predestined opportunity. Fear is a death trap on a human being's journey toward divinity." ("Pass the Deadly Test") So, I worked on eliminating the fear attachment. I strove to study Dafa, practice Dafa exercises, send forth righteous thoughts with my grandmother, eliminate my own fear, and eliminate the evil factors behind my parents when I went home every day. Gradually, I became more diligent.
In addition to studying Zhuan Falun, I studied Master's lectures around the world. I also read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and Disintegrate Party Culture. I memorized Hong Yin. My xinxing improved further, and I deeply knew that it was time to eliminate the fear attachment and go out to clarify the truth and save sentient beings. So my grandmother and I distributed truth clarification materials in nearby residential areas and villages, and wrote short truth-clarification phrases on paper money. I helped my grandmother to write letters and distribute truth clarification materials for several years. I sometimes also persuaded classmates and relatives to quit the communist organizations they had pledged allegiance to.
There were times I did not do well in truth clarification. Once, my grandmother and I went to a market to buy chestnuts. My grandmother wanted to clarify the truth to the vendor. But I noticed there were a lot of people around, which caused me to feel fearful and pull my grandmother away. Afterwards, I regretted what I had done. I knew that it was not a Dafa practitioner's behavior.
During the four years I attended middle school, I wanted to watch TV and play computer games every day when I got home. My grandmother reminded me several times not to do these things, but I did not pay attention to what she said. I began to stay in bed longer in the morning when I should haven gotten up early to do the exercises. I treated doing the exercises as a burden. I could not keep up with Fa study. The evil forces found my loophole. In order to avoid doing Dafa exercises, I did not go to my grandmother's home for a long time. I started to become picky about what I would eat or drink, and also wanted to buy name-brand clothing. My school grades became worse and worse.
I was worried, but, I could not eliminate the attachment to an easy life. Gradually, I continued in this way, until one day, my grandmother read from one of Master's lectures: "...if you know something is wrong and still do it, that amounts to not meeting the requirements for a cultivator, and that isn't [the behavior] of a cultivator." ("Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Houston") I again woke up in my heart. I knew that I could not let myself continue like that.
Although I still have many attachments that I have not eliminated, and the easy life attachment is not completely eliminated, I will work hard to study the Fa, eliminate attachments at the root, and finish my historic mission. Reflecting on so many years of ups and downs, my feeling cannot be described with words. Although I am young, I firmly walked though difficulties under Master's benevolence. In future Fa rectification efforts, I will work harder on improving, and board the Fa boat to return home with Master.
This is my first experience sharing essay. I welcome all comments from fellow practitioners.
