(Clearwisdom.net) I recently discovered that there is a common root for all attachments, and this is the old universe's property of "selfishness." This attachment gains strength in my daily life and work in patterns that have been arranged by the old forces and also in the environment of the evil Party's culture. In the process of cultivation, by studying the Fa I learned that we should consider others first and cultivate ourselves to be righteous, enlightened beings. But since I didn't change myself from a fundamental perspective, the moment a problem was touched upon, the moment the "self" was affected, I became very stubborn, with no righteous thoughts, and sometimes even showing a strong demon nature. Here are some specific examples:
1. Attachments to Arrangements I Made Myself
Ever since I was young, I was physically weak and often sick. The moment I started to cry, I seemed to stop breathing. As a result, my parents always yielded to whatever I wanted, and I formed the habit of standing by what I wanted. My current work even strengthened this sense of "self." When thinking, I always put myself in the center, without thinking at all from other people's perspectives. Even when I took them into consideration, I didn't really show understanding and sympathy for the other party. After I started cultivation, I let go of many everyday people's attachments, and no longer competed for fame or profit. However, I didn't eradicate the "selfishness." Instead I thought, "I am a Dafa practitioner. What I am doing are the most righteous things. Things, no matter how big or small, should follow my arrangements." No matter what others did or said, once something conflicted with my arrangements, my mind became unbalanced. I persisted in what I wanted, and I believed I was right, "It's not for myself that I persist. My arrangements are for you, and they conform with the Fa." In fact, I wanted other people to conform to my standards, and I was actually looking outward, instead of looking inside, and asking myself to follow the Fa.
I have a relative to whom I had clarified the truth about Falun Gong and the persecution several times, but she just wouldn't listen to me. Recently many things happened to her family, and during the Chinese Lunar Year, I talked to her again. I got angrier and angrier while I was talking, and I thought, "If you had accepted the truth earlier, you wouldn't have been so unfortunate." I was very impatient. When she saw that I wouldn't stop, she shouted, "I don't like practicing. Just don't like it. How can you force me to like it?" She turned her back on me and left. I was so mad I had tears in my eyes. I wondered why she was so irrational. In fact, it was I who was irrational, and that made the field around us inharmonious. It is right to clarify the truth, but in this case there were too many personal factors involved. I was validating myself and showing off instead of clarifying the truth to a sentient being with a pure mind. How could I think I could arrange for her to obtain the Fa?
Think about it. Even if it is a very small thing, human beings can not arrange it. Master told us in Zhuan Falun,
"And when a person is born, his whole life already exists simultaneously in a special dimension where there's no concept of time, and for some people there's more than one life there."
We are cultivating ourselves in ordinary society, so we should let go of all our attachments. We should not try to arrange things by ourselves. No matter what we run across, we should be in the state of "non-action" and "selflessness." We should require ourselves to follow Dafa standards, follow the teachings of Dafa. Only in this way can we cultivate. We should never let our attachments manifest.
2. Attachment to My Own Understanding
Over several years of studying the Fa, I have gained some understanding of the Fa principles. This is the enlightening by Master, for me to improve myself. Since I didn't fundamentally change my concept of "selfishness" however, I often used my understanding of the Fa to make demands of others. Things I can do, I demand others do as well. Things I can't do, I still demand others do. My thought was that it was for the benefit of others. I was convinced I was leading everyday people on the righteous path, and helping fellow practitioners to improve.
During our last summer vacation, my child, who is also a practitioner, became attached to playing games. He just wouldn't listen when I was talking to him, and I couldn't help but fly into rages. I almost threw a bowl onto the floor. For over two hours, I kept blaming the child. Although I subsequently apologized to him for being so angry, I nonetheless said, "It must be that you killed too many lives in the game, otherwise how could I be so angry?" My child stopped playing and I still believed that although the method I used was not appropriate, it was for his benefit, so my reasoning was correct. In fact, my reasoning was totally incorrect! Behind the excuse of being good to others, there was a very strong attachment to self. Because the child didn't conform to my own understanding, it touched the selfishness in me. This is the fundamental reason that caused my demon nature to be exposed. Think about it, a single thought of a God or Buddha can create a world. If the words or behavior of his sentient beings do not conform with the Fa principles of his level, if he flies into rages, what will the result be?
I now have a deeper understanding of "Forbearance." I understand that only when we are selfless, have no desires or demands, and have completely let go of self will we have true tolerance. Only when we have great tolerance will we face everything with a calm mind. In facing any temptation we will not have a single thought. In facing blame or criticism, we won't argue back. We will look inside ourselves no matter what. In facing all the different sentient beings with grand compassion, we will get along with all lives. "Forbearance" also contains Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance at the same time. Without forbearance, there won't be great compassion, and it will be impossible to acknowledge the higher level of universal truth.
When my understanding conforms to the requirements of Dafa at a certain level, it's easy to confuse "self" with "Dafa request," and to confuse "consistency in oneself" with "consistency in Dafa principles." How to distinguish them? Master stated,
"If you are validating the Fa, no matter what another person says about you, you won't be affected inside. If someone counters your opinion and you get riled up and don't like it, if when other people raise an opinion opposite yours based on some problem you have or disagree with your opinion and you don't like it, and you stand up to oppose it and argue on your own behalf, and when this leads to your going off topic and not listening to others, [in all such cases] you are--even if you are defending and explaining yourself with the best of intentions--still just validating yourself. (Applause) That is because you didn't put Dafa first, and at that time the thing that you couldn't let go of most was self." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York")
Whether we are looking out for others or for ourselves, this is the most fundamental difference between the new universe and the old universe. As Fa-rectification Dafa practitioners, we have to step forward from the old universe, we have to completely let go of the old nature of "selfishness" and elevate ourselves to be righteous enlightened beings who are unselfish." Only when Dafa practitioners completely let go of themselves will they be able to complete the mission entrusted to them by Master: to save sentient beings.
The above is my personal understanding at a certain level. If there is anything not conforming to the Fa, please point it out with compassion.
