Learn to Look Inward and Fulfill the Mission
(Clearwisdom.net) I obtained the Fa in 1999. A few days after I started to practice Falun Gong, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) launched the persecution. With Master's care, I was able to continue practicing Falun Gong. I would like to share some of my experiences with fellow practitioners about the xinxing tests I encountered after I established a Falun Gong material production site.
Before the Olympic torch traveled to my county, the practitioner who was in charge of the material site was arrested. We lost communication with practitioners in the rest of the world. All the local practitioners were anxiously awaiting to see which practitioner would step forward to establish a new site. One week passed, nothing happened; two weeks passed, still nobody stepped forward. After a month, I could not bear it anymore. I asked myself: "Who I was waiting for? If my family situation was not good enough, then who had a better one? Was it the case that the fellow practitioners who established materials sites all had good family situations? Wasn't it true that I was very selfish, always wanting to leave difficult tasks for others?
Once I made up my mind, two fellow practitioners visited me to discuss the issue of establishing a new material site. Still, I hesitated. I said, "I am a farmer and I do not even know what a computer looks like. How can I possibly learn to operate one?" The other practitioners encouraged me, saying, "For sure, you will able to learn how to use it in one week!" I agreed that I would start building up the new site. During those days, I had been wondering whether I was able to make it, whether it was safe enough, and where I should set it up as it took up a lot of space.
With Master's arrangement, everything went smoothly. After I got the equipment home, I felt very at ease, as that is the way a Dafa disciple should behave. A practitioner started to teach me how to use the Internet to download materials. After trying it a few times, I learned how to click the mouse. In less than two hours, I learned how to download things from the Internet. I was very happy. The practitioner asked me to record each step in a notebook. I said, "Is it necessary to write it down? It is so simple! I have already recorded it in my brain." I did not make any notes, no matter how earnestly the practitioner insisted. The second day, I turned on the computer--and I totally forgot which icon I should click on. The practitioner patiently taught me the procedure again and said, "You'd better make some notes." I said stubbornly, "Can't you see that I remember now? Is it necessary to note down such simple things?" On the third day, after I turned on the computer and made a few clicks, I forgot again how to operate the machine. I was very embarrassed, had to ask the practitioner again, and blamed myself, claiming that I was too clumsy. The practitioner came to teach me for the third time and compassionately said to me, "We are all cultivators. We should learn how to look inward. We cannot regard ourselves as infallible. Many people are a lot more capable than you. Isn't it the case that even that bit of smartness you have is also given by Master?"After hearing his words, I immediately realized that I had the mentality of showing off. Actually, there was nothing that I could show off about. If Master had not given me wisdom, how could I, an uneducated village woman, ever learn to operate a computer in such a short time?
The practitioner left after teaching me how to use the Internet to download material and use the printer. After that, I was able to move on with compassionate care from Master. However, because I was not able to upgrade my xinxing and my mentality was not very righteous, I was interfered with by the old forces every now and then. The print-outs sometimes were not clear or the color did not look right. I could not find anybody to help me, either. In those days, I really felt it was too hard and I even wanted to give up. In addition to technical difficulties, other tests came one after another. Fellow practitioners in my area often pointed out that I did not do well on this or that. Although I did not say anything on the surface, I complained in my heart: "Why don't you do it if you think I do not do it well enough? We will see how well you can do it after I leave for work." My heart was filled with complaints, and I did not even think about looking inward. I talked to my child regarding how to print materials and then I left my village to work in a different city. I thought that the practitioner who complained about me would go to my house to help my child print materials. However, it turned out he did not go at all. At the time, Master gave me hints in my dream that I had loopholes. My child called me to ask me to come home to see why the materials could not be printed out.
I started to reflect on myself: "Is it true that I am wrong? Where is my loophole? Maybe I should not leave home to work elsewhere? Is it that I have not studied the Fa well? Or am I too attached to personal gain?"At that time, I did not know how to cultivate myself and was only able to think about my problems superficially. I anxiously went back to print out materials without digging out the root of the problems I had. The materials still would not print. I was worried, as I could not even find a fellow practitioner who knew the computer and printer to help me out. I then asked another practitioner to buy a new ink cartridge for me. However, after a few days, the printer stopped working again. I discussed with my child whether we should buy another ink cartridge. My child said unhappily, "We cannot just change the ink cartridge over and over again. You cannot just focus on fixing the machine without cultivating yourself!" I was quite shocked. Was it not the case that Master was using the mouth of my child to give me a hint? I really should cultivate myself seriously. During those days, I was so attached to doing things and did not even make time to study the Fa. I could not hold myself to the xinxing standard of a practitioner whenever I encountered difficulties. I did not behave like a cultivator at all! As a Dafa disciple, I should be guided by the Fa. Master said in "Drive Out Interference" in Essentials for Further Advancement II:
"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts."
I calmed down and started to study the Fa. I read "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan," in which Master said:
"Those who are attached to saving face will be made to hear things that are embarrassing, hitting upon that attachment that causes you not to be able to stand hearing others' critical remarks. There are also some people who think that since they are project coordinators, they should be immune to criticism. And then some people who have special talents in some regard or other won't take criticism from people. Another group won't hear anyone out on account of a negative opinion about that person. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Being unwilling to listen to others' remarks stems from a range of attachments."
Were those words not spoken to me? I realized I must get rid of the attachment to being unwilling to listen to others' remarks. It was my duty to print the materials, but I always wanted to push it off on others. I did not have a righteous attitude, did not regard printing materials as a sacred task, and did not put saving sentient beings as my primary task. The printer naturally started to work again after I found my attachment.
I think looking inward is a magic tool for cultivators. No wonder Master has emphasized over and over again that we should look inward. I was enlightened to the principle that as long as we learn to look inward, the evil will not dare to persecute us.
Written March 19, 2010