My Experiences Cultivating Xinxing and Removing Attachments
(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Dafa 13 years ago. Today I would like to share the cultivation experiences that impressed me most during these past years.
Walking Resolutely on the Path of Cultivation and Leaving Sentimentality Behind
I started practicing in 1996 when I was a student. Time flew by and I grew up quickly and was eager to have a happy family. Several years ago, I fell in love with a man and was determined to marry him. My parents were strongly against my decision because they didn't want me to marry an ordinary person and were afraid that he would drag me down. I didn't listen to their advice and decided to marry him anyway. Due to my strong human attachment, I often burst into tears in the night during that time. I even asked myself if I could give up cultivation. My answer was quite clear, "By no means." But I just couldn't let go of the desire to marry that man. I found an excuse in Dafa to cover my attachment: Teacher never said that young practitioners couldn't get married. I was very obstinate. The wicked demons of sentimentality tormented me for almost three years. After I experienced a lot of despair, hurt, and pain, I awakened and decided to leave him. Later, I told my mother that I would never get married.
My thought was not quite pure at the moment when I made this decision, because I was concerned about my mother. My affection for my mother somewhat played a role in this decision. During that period, my mother was also interfered with. She was not even in the mood to do the three things. I thought that undermining my own happiness was one thing, but I couldn't undermine my mother's cultivation. I calmed down and let go of the my attachment to sentimentality. I lived a regular life every day, went to work and came home, studied the Fa ,and sent forth righteous thoughts. I came to realize that my attachment to the demon of sentimentality was very absurd. I simply looked at my friends who had gotten married. They were busy taking care of their kids, and were completely involved in their families. I thought, "For a young practitioner in the Fa-rectification period, it's a wise decision not to get married." Now, I am focused on doing the three things without being interfered with. Teacher said:
"Those who are attached to affection for family will definitely be burned, entangled, and tormented by it. Pulled by the threads of affection and plagued by them throughout their lives, they will find it too late to regret at the end of their lives." ("Cultivators' Avoidances" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Now I feel fortunate about my decision. I also feel deep inside that Teacher has been protecting me all this time. I wanted to get married before, but I just couldn't do it. Teacher gave me such a long time to realize the situation myself.
Sometimes when I see a friend accompanied by a loving husband, I admire them. But immediately a second thought comes into my mind: "People came to this earth through incarnations and pain, just so they could practice cultivation in Dafa, succeed in it, and return home with Teacher. How could I be so strongly attached to human things while holding onto the divine?" When I think of this, I calm down immediately and feel fortunate to be a practitioner in the Fa-rectification period.
Looking Within and Getting Rid of the Competitive Mentality
I was not aware how my strong competitive mentality was until recently, after several incidents.
One day, even though I followed the rules at work, but was cursed and beaten. I knew that as a practitioner I should not fight back when being punched or insulted, but I still had anger and grievance in my heart. I wanted to fight back, but my voice became hoarse within a few minutes. I burst into tears, and my colleagues persuaded me to go to the hospital, saying, "He should not have beaten you! Ask him to pay you." Those around me were all very upset.
Actually, I felt no pain at all. I knew that, as a practitioner, nothing happens to me without a reason. I should not act like ordinary people do and should look within. But I still felt uncomfortable. I thought: "I did nothing wrong, why did I come across such a thing?" I just couldn't identify my loopholes, which were taken advantage of by the old forces. Coincidentally, my parents were not at home that day, so I had no choice but to communicate with fellow practitioners. I realized that Teacher hoped I could improve and I asked myself repeatedly: "What should I do? How should I face that person at my workplace? How could I follow the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance while handling this matter?" Suddenly, I felt helpless and lonely and thought of Teacher. He is always beside me, so I talked to him: "As your disciple, I must identify my attachments and get rid of them. I must do well and create a righteous environment at my workplace. Teacher, please strengthen me." Suddenly, I felt that the person who had beaten me was really pitiful. The old forces had taken advantage of him so that he interfered with practitioners. He was not aware of how many precious things he had lost. I am a practitioner in the Fa-rectification period, so I should send forth righteous thoughts in order to eliminate all evil beings and elements that take advantage of ordinary people that persecute and interfere with practitioners. I should eliminate all evil beings and elements that manipulate him in other dimensions. I should stop him from committing crimes against practitioners because of his ignorance. Only that is showing great compassion toward him. When I thought about these things, I felt a warm current running all over my body. I felt myself grow strong, stronger, and very strong.
At home, I noticed that Teacher's "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan" had just been published. I started to read it, and my tears fell like rain when I read,
"With such an enormous Fa here, the Fa will be with you when your thoughts are righteous, and this is the greatest assurance. But on the other hand, when your righteous thoughts are inadequate and not in line with the Fa, you will be cut off from the Fa's power, and it will seem like you are alone and getting no help."
Teacher also said,
"As gods see it, for a cultivator to be right or wrong in the human world is not important in the least, whereas eliminating the attachments that come from human thinking is important, and it is precisely your managing to eliminate those attachments rooted in your human thinking as you cultivate that counts as important. (Applause) If you can manage to handle things calmly no matter how wronged you may feel, if you can remain unmoved and not try to come up with some kind of excuse for yourself, then with many things you won't even need to argue. That's because on your path of cultivation there is nothing that is by chance. So, when you get into a heated exchange and it stirs things up in you, or you get into a conflict over something that concerns your vital interests, perhaps the factors behind it were put there by Master."
I enlightened to the point: I was never aware of my competitive mentality, which was hidden so deeply. In this human world, to be right or wrong is just like playing with mud. What is right? What is wrong? What is grievance? None of these are important in the least. I am a practitioner. I am a Dafa disciple. All bad things can turn into good things. The next day I talked to the manager and said, "I will not pursue that matter anymore. I will not ask for any compensation. Let it pass."
Now when I recall the past, I feel that all these things were nothing. However, when my heart was touched, many attachments were also exposed. For instance: being sensitive to reputation--I was afraid of losing face because of having been beaten, so the next day I was reluctant to go to work; jealousy--I was aware that I was short of compassion in my tone; anger and hatred--several days later when I happened to meet him, I still felt angry.
One night about two weeks after this happened, I dreamed of a huge tree with huge fruits. Each fruit was as big as six people. When I saw those fruits, they started to shake. I heard a voice say, "The fruits on this tree have never fallen. Legend has it that they will fall only when an appropriate person arrives. Is that true?" At that moment, the biggest fruit fell off the tree and bounced over me. I was scared and woke up from my dream. I enlightened that it must have been a hint from Teacher. One day, I mentioned this dream to a practitioner. She said, "Doesn't the fruit mean Fruit Status?" Yes. Teacher was encouraging me to cultivate diligently. Teacher has already prepared the best things for us.
Dear fellow practitioners, let's cultivate diligently together, do the three things well, save more sentient beings, and return home with Teacher.