Looking Inside, the Rough Becoming Smooth
(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Dafa in June of 1999. I hadn't learned Dafa entirely when the evil forces began persecuting it. My husband destroyed my Dafa books and didn't allow me to practice. In January 2001, I went to Beijing to appeal for the right to practice Falun Dafa, but was arrested. The police hit me with a rubber baton. My leg was bruised completely black. I was held for 15 days in a detention center. After I was released, my husband attacked me in the street. When we got home, he kicked me and beat me with a stick. I suffered greatly. The staged "Tiananmen Immolation Incident" was broadcast on CCTV (Chinese Central TV). My husband asked me if I still wanted to go to Beijing to appeal. I replied, "For that case, I should go for sure." He pushed me on the bed and beat me, until I almost fainted. One of my eyes was bleeding; I tolerated this with tears.
I did not understand cultivation and the Fa-rectification sufficiently. Also, my foundation in cultivation was incomplete. My husband abused me frequently for many years. My whole body was bruised, and he didn't allow me to go outside, afraid that others would see my injuries. I became fearful in this environment, and mistakenly took cowardice as forbearance. I couldn't identify the real problem and didn't want to drop down in levels. Then, I was forced to leave home. I thought that becoming a monastic might be the best way to cultivate.
In September 2007, I was arrested while clarifying the truth in Beijing. I endured many forms of torture. I was in the jail for one year and three months. I found practitioners who continued group study for the long term, did the three things, and possessed a very high understanding of the Fa. They acted like divine beings, measuring their thoughts by the Fa.
After I learned Teacher's Fa in Australia, I understood that I hadn't looked inward through all those years. I used to strive against my husband's behavior, thinking that this counted as working against the persecution. Through group study, I exposed every unclear understanding. Other practitioners helped me to correct my understandings. Now I know how to look inside. I identified my attachment, which was the fear to face my husband. I decided to go home and do well with those things that I'd previously failed with. I believe that as long as I look inside and follow Dafa, Teacher will protect and help me pass such a challenge.
My husband asked me to take care of our children. My relatives and practitioners condemned his brutal behavior. He realized his wrongdoing, and since then, he's never hit me again. Also, he hasn't destroyed the Dafa book. This change is the result of Fa-rectification and is related to my cultivation. Of course, the conflicts still existed, but I treated myself as a Dafa practitioner, although there were occasions when I couldn't find the solution. I eliminated my attachment to competition, so that I wouldn't irritate his demon side and could avoid such conflicts. I don't look at the conflicts between me and my husband as the previous relationship of abuse. Before, I didn't understand Teacher's article "In Fa-Rectification Your Thoughts Have to be Righteous, Not Human." Now I know. Eliminating emotional attachments and joining group study are important. I no longer hide when clarifying the truth and go to group study. I know that if my behavior follows the Fa, the evil forces can't torture me. However, when I encountered such problems, I still used human concepts to deal with my security issues. I took my husband as the persecutor, so the evil took advantage and used my husband. I am clear on this now and sent righteous thoughts to deny all of these arrangements.
Now I am quite stable. I used my savings to purchase a computer and created a material production site. My husband complained because I didn't work. I felt that this might be an attachment, so I found a job. Even though I go to the materials site only once a week, I take the Fa as my priority to ensure that the materials are produced.
Thank you, Teacher! Heshi.
February 23, 2010