Truly Cultivating Myself Amidst Family Conflicts
(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Gong in the summer of 1998. In the beginning, I felt so excited and fortunate to have come across this righteous way. Before I began practicing, I was a person who was suspicious, sensitive, and insecure. I later became more certain, had less fear, and felt Master's protection. I quit the practice after the persecution started in 1999, but started again shortly thereafter. I got involved in truth clarification work by distributing Falun Gong materials. I had no fear about going out in public because I strongly believed in Dafa and Master.
During the past ten years, my husband had a long-term love affair with one of my colleagues from work. I didn't notice it in the beginning. My colleague and I used to be very good friends, our two families were close, and we often had dinner together. After I figured out what was going on, I could not accept it and experienced a lot of mental turmoil. I couldn't stand that my husband, who loved me dearly, fell in love with my closest friend. At the same time I was trying to deal with the matter as a Dafa cultivator. I realized I should calm down and have a heart to heart conversation with my husband. I wanted him to realize his problem, and feel sorry for what he had done to our family, but after having several conversations with him, he continued seeing her. Being unable to control my temper, I started blaming, lashing back at, and satirizing him. I didn't show any tolerance or compassion as a cultivator. As a result, the situation became worse. They continued seeing each other, and became closer and more intimate. They didn't care about others' feelings and didn't listen to advice from friends. Because of this, our child was hurt too. His grades went down and he played video games online daily.
I was deeply hurt and could not concentrate during Fa study and exercise practice. I constantly imagined how intimate they were, and I silently scolded them. At work, when I tried to explain the goodness of Falun Gong to my co-workers, they reacted strongly and told me that I should solve the problem in my family first. For many years, I complained that I had suffered so much in being tolerant toward my husband and my friend. I suppressed my emotions to avoid conflicts, but they showed no sign of repentance. I felt that my tolerance had reached the limit. I believed they couldn't be saved, and would have to face karmic retribution on their own.
I didn't realize my problem until I read Master's teaching "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan," which was given in 2006,
"...since as cultivators you know that everything you do in society right now, including in your own personal life, falls within the realm of cultivation, then even more so should you take seriously everything that unfolds around you...."
I began to realize that I had treated doing Dafa projects like ordinary work. I hadn't really made it part of my cultivation, and I wasn't truly cultivating myself. Master also said in the same lecture,
"Whether you are right or not is, for a cultivator, not important whatsoever. Don't argue left and right, and don't emphasize who's right and who's wrong. Some people are always stressing that they're right, but even if you are right, even if you're not wrong, so what? Have you improved on the basis of the Fa? The very act of using human thinking to stress who's right and who's wrong is in itself wrong. That's because you are then using the logic of ordinary people to evaluate yourself, and using that logic to make demands on others. As gods see it, for a cultivator to be right or wrong in the human world is not important in the least, whereas eliminating the attachments that come from human thinking is important, and it is precisely your managing to eliminate those attachments rooted in your human thinking as you cultivate that counts as important. (Applause) If you can manage to handle things calmly no matter how wronged you may feel, if you can remain unmoved and not try to come up with some kind of excuse for yourself, then with many things you won't even need to argue. That's because on your path of cultivation there is nothing that is by chance. So, when you get into a heated exchange and it stirs things up in you, or you get into a conflict over something that concerns your vital interests, perhaps the factors behind it were put there by Master."
After reading the above paragraph, I cried aloud. Master was pointing this all out to me and I let him down. Master provided this opportunity for me to improve my xinxing, but I treated myself as an everyday person who was hurt and feeling put-down by this incident. I appeared to be calm, but tolerated the situation like an everyday person, not as a Dafa cultivator should.
In recalling the time when the persecution started in 1999, my husband opposed my continuing the practice. I decided not to listen to him, and didn't spend time talking with him about this issue. I went ahead and did what I wished to do and continued cultivating. I argued with him all the time, with what I thought was a noble determination, that he could not stop me from practicing. Our relationship turned into a cold war, and then he started the affair. The situation caused difficulty with my truth clarification work. Now I realized that it was my fault.
Master said in "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,"
"It eventually renders the person mentally and physically exhausted, as well as confused about what to do. Actually, if you can manage to collect yourself and think it over, you will see that all of it is resolvable. "
"All of this in fact holds true for your clarifying the truth as well. If you are able to all keep compassion in your hearts as you interact with the person, regardless of his attitude, then in the depths of his soul, or on the knowing side of his being, he will understand. "
Master advised me in earnest. Through experience-sharing and understanding the Fa, fellow practitioners recommended that I treat my husband with compassion. I let go of my anger, and no longer accused him. Instead, I offered my caring, help, and did everything for his benefit. He no longer avoided me. Although he did not admit his mistake, his demeanor toward me began to soften. I let go of my attachment to emotion, which had bothered me for eight years. I regarded everything in my life as a cultivation opportunity, treated things seriously and handled them well. I looked inward when there was a conflict, and eliminated attachments and my own bad thoughts. I became calm, read the Fa conscientiously, and cultivated with a peaceful mind.
I subsequently became more confident and observed changes in my husband. I have tried to communicate with him more frequently, and treated him with great compassion. I will utilize each opportunity to improve my xinxing and to pass each test, and I will clarify the truth at home first, and then do it in public. Although my child still plays video games too much, I strongly believe that my home environment will improve along with my consistently purifying myself. My family will benefit from my true cultivation.
From years of facing conflict with my husband, I realized many attachments that needed to be eliminated. I appeared to be a very nice person to the people outside of my family, but expressed my temper in front of my family, which reflected the violent factors of the Communist Party and the attachment to fighting.