The Cultivation Path of a Woman Physician
(Clearwisdom.net) Please allow me to send greetings and the highest respect to Revered Master via the Seventh Internet Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China!
Looking back along my cultivation path, things appear to have faded into the past. What stays with me forever is Master's mercy. Master's immense mercy is beyond what words can describe.
I am a veteran practitioner who started practicing Falun Gong in March 1993. Back then, I was living in excruciating pain. It was Master's boundless Fa that brought me back to life. I was a physician, living in the circle of experts and professors among China's most renowned medical institutes. Yet, after a medical accident by experts when treating a common illness, my body was ruined. I lived in pain for over a dozen years with no chance of a cure. I fell from the peak of my career to the abyss of life. In the end, I was bedridden and was not able to step out of my home. I lay in bed, not able to turn my head, not able to see things clearly, and not able to take care of myself. Despite my suffering, there was no indication that anything was wrong with any of my internal organs, which testifies to the limitations of modern science.
I saw a lot of well-known qigong masters, most of whom were trying to make money. Some appeared to be very old and slow in walking, and some others were simply unethical rogues. I tried some qigong practices myself. At first, they helped a little, but after some time, they made my body worse. As I ran out of hope, I was blessed to encounter Falun Dafa. I felt curious when reading Zhuan Falun the first time. The term cultivation practice brought me a subtle and magnificent feeling that could not be described in words. I felt intimate with Truthfulness-Benevolence-Forbearance. The Fa principle of being a good person touched my heart. When I read through Lecture Three, I felt all the words were targeting the questions that had lingered in my mind. I felt the righteousness of Master. I spoke without thinking, "I will practice Falun Gong. This is a great practice." I got out of bed and went to the living room and then found my husband in the kitchen. I said to him, "I simply will practice Falun Gong." He was amazed to see me walking after being bedridden for months. I never expected that this thought of mine would change my life.
Master started purifying my body. I felt countless Falun expelling the illness qi out of me from the depths of my bones. I was a staunch atheist, a physician; I was shocked by what was happening. I had read books throughout my life, but I never thought reading the book Zhuan Falun could cure illnesses. I had this warm feeling when sleeping. I closed my eyes to experience this feeling for three days. After I finished reading Zhuan Falun, my world view changed completely. I understood that my illness and pain were the results of karma. I understood the book is no ordinary book, and Master is no ordinary person.
I started on my cultivation path. After I studied the Fa and practiced cultivation, especially after the ten stormy years, I reached a deeper understanding of the Fa's greatness, my being fortunate and privileged. I treasure all the more Master's great benevolence, this Fa-rectification period, Master's teaching the Fa and saving Dafa disciples, and the title of "Fa-rectification disciples". On my way to returning to where I am from, I dare not slack off. The only thing I can do is be diligent, and even more diligent, to return with Master in return for Master's mercy.
I. Studying and Assimilating to the Fa
I was fortunate. By the time I started practicing Dafa, Zhuan Falun was in print. Soon, Essentials for Further Advancement, Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa, and Zhuan Falun Fajie - The Law of Zhuan Falun Explained were all published. Also published were audio and video versions of the Fa lectures. It was my great fortune that I was able to obtain the full collection of Dafa books. There were quite a few Fa study groups which I could attend. The experience sharing conferences were of higher and higher quality. These helped lay a solid foundation for my cultivation.
At the earliest of my cultivation days, veteran practitioners told me that cultivation in Dafa requires one to study the Fa every day. Especially since we entered the Fa-rectification period of cultivation, Master has mentioned in almost every Fa lecture and each recent article the importance of Fa study. Master said, "Read the book more and any problem can be resolved. I just told you to read the book more, but actually, you might not necessarily understand the inner meaning of what I just said. This book is almighty, omnipotent." ("Lecture at the First Conference in North America")
I started practicing Dafa because of the enlightenment I received from reading Zhuan Falun, and for the past dozen or so years, I have never slacked off when it comes to studying the Fa. Prior to July 20, 1999, besides a small number of household chores, I devoted my remaining time to studying the Fa. I had nothing to do with taking a stroll down the street, running around shopping, or leisurely playing games. On my way to work, to fellow practitioners' homes, or on our way to promoting the Fa, I would put on earphones to listen to Master's Fa lectures. I always placed Fa study above everything else. Master said, "All of the gong and Fa lie in the book, and one will naturally obtain them by reading Dafa. " ("Seeking Discipleship with Teacher" in Essentials for Further Advancement) I simply followed what Master said. I have read Zhuan Falun from cover to cover over 200 times, transcribed the book at least once, and recited it four times. I kept reading and reciting recent articles. I have memorized part of Essentials for Further Advancement, the entire volume of Hong Yin, and most of the poems in Hong Yin Vol. II. If at the end of a busy day I got too tired and went to bed without reading the Fa, I would remain wide awake. I knew Master was reminding me to study the Fa.
The more difficult the situation, the more I could feel the importance of studying the Fa. In 2001, I was taken to a detention center. I was upset and could not control my fear. I eventually survived by reciting the Fa. In 2003, I was taken to a brainwashing facility, where torture was severe and widespread. Attachments of fear overwhelmed me. The torture room was on the top floor, and I dared not even look out the window to avoid catching any glimpse of it. I reminded myself to recite the Fa and hold onto my xinxing standards. In the end, my righteous thoughts came forth. Master said, "The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Drive Out Interference" in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
After studying the Fa constantly, I discovered that I had changed. I had been quite competitive and had a hot temper. Having suffered years of illness plus competition among colleagues, I would explode at the slightest upset. My husband said that I acted like I had filled my stomach with explosives. After I started on my cultivation path, through studying the Fa and cultivating my mind, I did not become angry as often. I was also able to forbear people and events, and I became quite peaceful. The more kind I became, the more my feminine side came forth. Practitioners once said that when I answered the phone, they sometimes mistook me for my granddaughter, for my voice was filled with sweetness.
But I have also had shortfalls in studying the Fa. Sometimes, I have not been able to calm down, and interference and fatigue would attack me. I have tried what practitioners shared over the Internet, but have not seen much improvement. I firmly believe that the Fa is omnipotent since Master has kept telling us to study the Fa. Recently, I was encountering difficulties reciting the Fa. I strengthened my main consciousness and cultivated myself in the course of studying. We practitioners all know that the process of studying the Fa is a process of cultivating ourselves, a process of being assimilated by the Fa. When we have assimilated to the Fa, we will have become someone who has obtained the Tao. This is to be achieved without the attachment of pursuit.
II. Clarifying the Truth with Honor and Dignity
Since I started practicing Falun Dafa, studying the Fa, doing exercises, and promoting the Fa have taken priority in my life. Prior to July 20, 1999, besides attending various activities organized by the local assistance center to promote the Fa, I also actively spread the word about Falun Gong to everyday people out in the street as well as those at my work unit. It was quite natural that I walked down the path of clarifying the truth when the persecution began.
The work unit I was at was a large one. It was one of the organizations where practitioners did a good job in promoting the Fa. In turn, it was also one which received high pressure from higher authorities during the persecution. Despite the pressure, practitioners held up the belief that the righteous suppresses all evil and we continued to clarify the truth with honor and dignity.
After April 25, 1999, when the storm was gathering on the horizon, officials engaged in political affairs for the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started showing up at meetings and practitioners' homes. I presented the facts to them face-to-face. Quite a few colleagues knew about the changes to my health. I started with the recovery of my health, then went on to talk about other changes in me, my fellow practitioners, and how all this had benefited the work unit, my family, and society. We told them how Truthfulness-Benevolence-Forbearance had changed people's hearts and taught them to be good people.
As the persecution escalated, the pressure applied to our work unit and the pressure that was passed down upon practitioners also increased. We raised our efforts in clarifying the truth accordingly. We exposed the lies in the state media about how Falun Gong prevented people from taking medicine, that 1,400 people had died, that people committed suicide, that Falun Gong raked in money, that foreign political forces were exerting influence, etc. As time went by, the officials learned the facts we presented and started to understand what was going on. Every time they showed up, they would state, "We have come only because the higher authorities have given us orders."
I also clarified the truth to retired senior CCP officials in the courtyard of our living quarters. One day, a group of several dozen retired senior officials were waiting for a shuttle bus, and I happened to pass by. Someone brought up the topic of practicing Falun Gong with me, and I replied with ease and honor. I explained why and how the newspapers and the television programs were out there smearing Falun Gong. Some of those waiting for the shuttle were listening quietly, some pretended to talk and not listen, yet I knew they were listening too. When the shuttle came and they started boarding, I added, "In addition, Falun Gong is absolutely not engaged in politics." At that time two brochures had just come out, one was "A Statement of 10,000 Words" and the other "A Journey of Peace." I made photocopies of them and distributed them to fellow practitioners, who considered these effective, and made more copies for distribution and mailing. During that period, the leaders and a group of CCP political affairs officials in our work unit kept visiting practitioners' homes. Besides presenting them with the facts, we also handed each of them a copy of "A Journey of Peace" and "Ten Questions to the CCP." We only learned later that these officials took orders from the Security Division chief of our supervising organization to arrest me if a single copy of truth clarification materials was found at my home. By handing the brochures out to all officials, Master protected us. The evil forces tried to take me to the labor camp, but they could not come up with any excuses. In a meeting, one lower ranking official brought up the topic that I gave them brochures, and my husband retorted, "That is because we have nothing to hide." The righteous truly suppressed the evil. The top officials did not say a word, and the lower ranking officials did not dare pursue the issue.
In addition to distributing materials, I also relayed materials for other practitioners to distribute. When I received a printout, I would make sure all the spelling was correct and there were no missing characters or pages; any uneven stapling had to be redone. I set strict standards that all materials had to come from the minghui.ca website. If the pages were too large and difficult to hand out, I would keep them for myself to distribute. Smaller and easier ones were passed along to other practitioners. I have always felt that brochures represent the image of Dafa. They are most pure, so we cannot taint Dafa's image in anything we do.
I distributed brochures to mailboxes, residential homes, shelves, automobiles, cargo trucks, bicycle baskets, and drawers, among other places. I dropped signs saying "The CCP is being eliminated by the heavens, one has to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations to stay safe" into CCP feedback boxes for improving its image and solidifying its control. In the police-residents liaison drop boxes, I dropped materials that exposed the illegal acts of police officers and security guards.
I also mailed brochures, in town, out of town, to friends and family, radio stations, newspaper agencies, organizations and schools. Some were printed, and some were letters handwritten by myself to persuade people to act out of their conscience. Even when I lost my freedom, I kept writing letters to persuade people to be good people and kept speaking out on behalf of Falun Gong. Master taught us, "...that's due to your clarifying the truth. It's like a master key..." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference"). Later I realized that when we spoke out on behalf of Falun Gong, only those we spoke to listened. When we put facts on paper, not only the police officers circulated the sheets, even high ranking officials got to read them. We were effectively leaving behind documents that were to bear witness to history.
Around Chinese New Year's Day in 2008, greeting cards from practitioners around the world from minghui.ca arrived in large numbers. A fellow practitioner printed out a few cards and gave them to me. I loved them so much. In the end I posted them on bus stop signs to share with other people. I also used paper currency with statements that clarify the facts. At first I was a little afraid. Later it turned out to be both convenient and effective. Nowadays, those I reach out to clarify the truth to have all seen paper bills with handwritten factual statements. Seeing these statements has paved the way to their eventually quitting the CCP.
I have written for minghui.ca on occasion. Some articles were about validating the Fa, some exposing the evil, some reporting on persecution, some for experience sharing, some persuading people to be good, and some are comments and suggestions. I have submitted articles to other websites operated by practitioners to spread the word to the world about the CCP's suppressing the Chinese people.
For over a dozen years during my cultivation, I have taken great pride in being a Dafa practitioner, in being a disciple of Master. I am a being made by the Dafa of the entire universe and saved by Lord Buddha personally. What can be more honorable than this? Anytime I did a good thing, I would explain that I am a Dafa practitioner. Master Li Hongzhi has asked us to be good people and considerate of others. In the darkest hours of persecution, it was this righteousness that destroyed the evil. My environment turned better and better under Master's compassionate protection.
On the surface I have appeared to be quite diligent. Yet, when compared with diligent fellow practitioners, I am far behind. Looking at the crowds of worldly people living under fear of the CCP's suppression, I often cannot help but shed tears and wonder whether I could turn into wind, rain and lightning to wake them up. On other occasions, I can sense my own attachments to fear and attachments to comfort and ease, which has resulted in people with predestined relationships having missed the opportunity to be saved.
III. Witnessing the Mighty Divine Power of Righteous Thoughts
I consider myself the sensitive type. I have felt Master performing guanding on me many times. I have also felt the rotating Falun. When I had just started practicing Falun Gong, I saw rotating pink Falun that were extremely beautiful. I also saw flowers cast about all over the sky (the type of flower on the back cover of a Chinese edition of Zhuan Falun). I developed human notions upon these manifestations, then my capabilities were locked. I could no longer see anything afterwards. I think I will try to be a wise person who reaches consummation through enlightenment alone. Other practitioners in my family cannot see or feel anything, yet this does not prevent us from cultivating. Although we don't see things, we have plenty of experiences to share.
The head of our work unit's security division was born into a CCP official's family. He was anxious to advance his career by engaging in CCP political campaigns. Immediately after July 20, 1999, he carried pairs of handcuffs in the police vehicle he drove. Everywhere he went, he turned on the siren. He went from house to house, claiming he had the authority to issue arrest warrants. He did arrest, beat and even take practitioners to the mental hospital. One night, he showed up at my home. After exchanging a brief conversation, upon hearing my telling him "in the end, it will be you who will get hurt," he turned angry and started yelling, "Do you know about the Cultural Revolution? Do you know the severity of the CCP? Under this low roof, how dare you not bow your head? If you continue to practice, I will lock you up...." A thought came to my mind. I envisioned myself with beaming golden rays and demons dissolving away. The security division head stood up immediately, discouraged completely, and headed out the door. He kept repeating to himself, "In the end, it will be me who will be hurt, it will be me who will get hurt..." I witnessed the power of righteous thoughts.
In 2002, I was taken to a brainwashing center. I figured it was for me to send forth righteous thoughts in close proximity to the evil. I used to take a bus to places near the brainwashing center to send righteous thoughts. Every day, I recited the Fa and took sending forth righteous thoughts seriously. Later Master hinted to me to strengthen my righteous thoughts. Whenever I recited the Fa-rectification formula, I could vaguely see a Buddha in blue color. One day, the head of the brainwashing center slandered Dafa, and of course I did not believe what he said. However, I told myself I had to all the better avoid tainting the image of Dafa practitioners to prevent them from making anything out of any loopholes in my behavior. One day, I suddenly had acute abdominal pains. The pain was so sharp, as if a knife were in my abdomen. I immediately recited Master's Fa-rectification formula, which roughly translates to "The Fa rectifies the Cosmos; the Evil is completely eliminated. The Fa rectifies Heaven and Earth; immediate retribution in this lifetime." The third time I recited the formula, my pain reduced. The fifth time I recited it, the pain was gone. It was simply that miraculous. Master has said in Zhuan Falun, "Though you may find one that has practiced cultivation for nearly one thousand years, a tiny finger will be more than enough to crush it." I understood that these were the two most powerful sentences in the cosmos. Our body is a small cosmos. Although I cannot see everything that is going on in this small cosmos, I know the power of the formula when it is applied to it; when the two sentences are applied to the outside cosmos, I have no doubt they are as powerful. Master has said, "... for once the righteous thoughts are strong, you will truly have the god-like might to split a mountain in half--split it with but one thought." ("Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference")
In 2003, I left the brainwashing center with strong righteous thoughts. I was held there for almost a year. I got anxious that I missed saving more sentient beings with predestined relationships, and I went a little to the extreme. I even took having meals and household chores as a burden. One day I hurried to distribute truth clarification materials, and my husband asked me why I was in such a rush. I hushed him impatiently, which left a loophole for the old forces to take advantage of. Halfway through distributing the materials, I fell from steps about three feet high. Four or five women working nearby on embroidering did not even bother to take a look at me. I landed on my left foot, the upper arch of my right foot, and my right hand after falling down to the ground. Both my feet turned sideways. As a physician, I knew they both suffered a splinter fracture. The outside bone on my right wrist poked out, and it hurt as much as my feet and was apparently also fractured. Experiencing excruciating pain, I sat there sending forth righteous thoughts. I called out to Master. I figured I was Lord Buddha's disciple and things would not be terribly wrong. After some rest, I stood up. I kept sending righteous thoughts while limping along. I got back from alleys to the main bus route and found I had walked over the distance of two bus stops after breaking both my feet. When the bus came, somehow the steps were lower than usual. I did not recall having a hard time getting on. After returning home, I ignored the pain and continued to carry out household chores. When my husband asked me why I was limping, I did not tell the whole truth right away, trying to save face. Later I figured this would be a great opportunity to let him witness the miraculous power of Dafa. I told him what happened, as well as why I had to rectify myself and avoid taking an extreme attitude toward household chores.
As a physician myself, I know better than anyone else how serious the fracture I suffered was. However, I am a Dafa practitioner, a disciple of Master even more so, and I have a life made up of high energy matter. Worldly principles do not apply. I did not have an everyday person's fracture no matter how it looked at first sight. I took this as a hint that Master wants me to act well in all regards without taking any radical approaches regarding daily life. The swelling of my feet was different from that of others under such conditions. Only the insides of my ankles were swollen, which cannot be explained by empirical science. This did not affect my sitting in lotus position at all. Within one week, my "fracture" was cured. The pain in my right wrist went away almost immediately after I fell to the ground. Just the bone on the outside remained extruding. I did not even notice when it went back to normal. I was in my sixties when I broke three of my limbs. The serious injuries simply went away by themselves. This testifies that Dafa is science, extraordinary science.
One day I went out to distribute truth clarification materials. In a quiet alley, there was not a single pedestrian. I went to the mailbox of an out-of-town government's liaison office stationed in our city and dropped a brochure in it. I could have been spotted by electronic surveillance equipment. When I had almost reached the exit of the alleyway, several police officers arrived in a police car. Another police motorcycle rushed in and stopped right in front of me as well. My mind was as calm as still water. The police officers simply stood there in a trance. I looked at them and walked by as if nothing had happened. I knew Master had been protecting me all along.
I had other similar encounters in the eleven years of distributing truth clarification materials. I have held up strong righteous thoughts and gotten myself out of harm's way with Master's protection.
IV. Cultivating My Mind to Remove Attachments
Falun Dafa is cultivation practice. Master has said that cultivation takes priority over practice. Master has emphasized over and over in Fa lectures the importance of studying the Fa and cultivating one's mind. Without cultivating my xinxing, I cannot be a cultivator, there will be no cure of illness or increase of gong. When I first started practicing, I did not know how to look inside myself or remove attachments. Only after studying the Fa and exchanging with fellow practitioners, did I slowly learn the meaning of cultivation practice. Dafa is a cultivation school for cultivators. As one keeps learning, one will keep improving.
After I got rid of my illness karma in 1997, I went to a tailor to have a vest made. He asked for a lot of cloth and demanded a high price. In the end, he cut the vest too tight, and I was not able to put it on. Because I was a practitioner, I still paid him. I only asked him to add three buttons for free. The tailor told me that there was no cloth left even to wrap on the button. Given how much extra material he had asked for, I knew he was lying. I used to take everything seriously. I felt really sick at the tailor's outright lie. I tried hard to remain smiling, although I was really angry. I said, "Fine. I am a Falun Gong practitioner. Our Master asks us not to inconvenience others. I will take it home to see if I can make it less tight myself." As soon as I turned around to leave, the tailor said, "Please leave it with me. I will see if I can make it less tight for you." I said, "Sure." At that instant, what had blocked my throat dropped down. I felt greatly relieved. My body lightened. A smile came from deep within me. It was the first time that I had felt so good. I realized that I had fought hard all my life because it was this attachment in my mind. I made up my mind to cultivate away what had blocked my throat and my mind. After I took the vest back, it fit me quite well. I wore it for seven or eight years.
Because of my strong ego I have accumulated quite some karma. Some trials I pass well, some not so well, which makes me feel guilty in front of Master.
I had always thought I was merely competitive, not jealous of others. After I read the brochure "Cultivating Away Jealousy" compiled by the minghui.ca website, I realized my attachment to jealousy had been buried so deep that it escaped my notice. I started taking others' lessons as a mirror. For the past year or so, as soon as any attachments of jealousy, showing off, complacency, or anger manifest, I immediately expel it and ask Master to help me eliminate it. I have asked my husband to remind me when he notices any shortfalls. At the same time, I have tried to increase my generosity for helping ease the conditions for other practitioners to better clarify the truth while constantly purifying myself.
Throughout the eleven years of Fa-rectification cultivation, I have come through with my belief in Master and my belief in the Fa. Whether I can understand the Fa principles right away or not, I simply follow what Master has asked me to do.
Along the way, Master has guided and protected me each and every step. I have experienced the magnificent power of the Fa, and I have been immersed in Master's mercy. In the overall coordination among practitioners, even something as simple as handing out a leaflet has embodied the quiet contribution of many practitioners. It has always been this way for the past eleven years.
One day an artist friend of mine, who has endured the CCP's persecution and maintained righteous thoughts, asked me, "For over ten years, how could elderly men and women like you confront such mounting pressure? Look at so many young people, they are so scared of the CCP. Why isn't there fear among people in your group?" What came across my mind was "the strength of righteous belief and the protection from gods" and told him so.
As Fa-rectification approaches the very end of the end, I have to treasure even more this rare opportunity. Fellow practitioners, let us form a whole body on the path of gods, to improve and transcend together, to strive forward diligently, even more diligently! Let us fulfill our sacred prehistoric vows and return with Master.