(Clearwisdom.net) I would like to take this opportunity to share my cultivation experiences and to validate Dafa through my own experiences.
1. Digging Out the Root of My Attachments
When I was just released from the forced labor camp in 2009, criticism from fellow practitioners stirred up my attachment to my reputation. After a period of Fa study and sharing with fellow practitioners, I realized that I must look inward unconditionally to find the root cause of my attachment.
I realized that I didn't truly cultivate myself solidly. On the surface, my work for Fa-rectification was done very well. However, I didn't cultivate myself at the same time. The excuse of being busy in doing Dafa work concealed many attachments that I should get rid of. The most serious one is the affection between a man and a woman. I have been divorced for many years. I tried to forget this thought through busying myself with Dafa work, but it always returned and disturbed me seriously again and again. After I was sent to the forced labor camp, I finally had to give it up.
This serious ordinary human thought weakened my cultivation and provided a field for other attachments to hide. Since my xinxing as a whole didn't reach a higher level, my thoughts and methods stayed at a human level. Although I studied the Fa every day, I didn't do it with a calm mind.
After being arrested and sent to the forced labor camp, the shallowness of my cultivation state was exposed and many thoughts surfaced. I was afraid of being beaten, losing my reputation under torture, losing my life and was unable to tolerate any of this. All I thought about was myself. I forgot all the principles that Master taught and forgot all the teachings of saving sentient beings with compassion. Under this vicious pressure, I wrote the three statements.
Through this painful experience, I found out the fundamental reason for this setback: I hadn't followed Master's teachings. When something within the principles of Dafa appealed to my human side, I would take it seriously, and I ignored everything that didn't. The true state of my cultivation was sealed from the surface because I had done so much Dafa work. Yet the fundamental human notions in me were not touched at all.
After digging out the root of my attachments, I was really anxious. I had just touched the surface of cultivation, while Master's Fa-rectification was getting close to the end. I know that Master must be even more concerned than I was. I held my hands in front of my chest and said to Master, “From now on, I will cultivate myself from the beginning. As long as Fa-rectification is still going on, I will cultivate myself solidly.”
2. Studying the Fa and Cultivating Oneself Is the Most Important
After deciding to study the Fa from the beginning, I immediately encountered interference. Suddenly, I became very busy at work. For one or two weeks, I didn't even have time to study the Fa each day. Even when I was studying the Fa or doing the exercises, my mind was not focused and many everyday thoughts were surfacing in my mind.
I knew that this situation was very dangerous. The old forces wanted to destroy me by not letting me study the Fa or send forth righteous thoughts. I sent out a thought, “I only listen to Master and I'm in charge of my field of time and space. ”
I decided to memorize the Fa again. I forced myself to study the Fa immediately after coming back from work and do other things later. I would first memorize and recite Zhuan Falun for half an hour and then study the Fa for an hour. I took time to study the Fa, read the articles on the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom) and do Fa-rectification work.
Gradually, my mind became calm. Memorizing and reciting the Fa led me to have a deeper understanding of the Fa. My mind could concentrate more when sending forth righteous thoughts. After a while, I could feel my own field of time-space become more clear and bright.
I realized that one of the ways the old forces interfere with practitioners is to make them busy. This made me unable to study the Fa and therefore I followed the arrangements of the old forces. When my mind was able to abide by the Fa, the situation completely changed. I seemed to be less busy now, and I still have time to do the three things daily after finishing my work.
When I was held in a detention center in 2007, a fellow practitioner who was over 50 and from another city was sent to my cell one day. She always quietly sat there. I knew she was reciting the Fa, doing the exercises or sending forth righteous thoughts. She didn't talk much and had a kind, harmonious expression. Ordinary people in the cell all liked to be close to her. Later, we worked together to advise people in the cell to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its associated organizations. I was very capable in talking, but she did better than me. There was a woman in the cell whose appearance was very vicious, and I didn't like to be near her. The fellow practitioner advised her to withdraw from the CCP and she agreed quickly. She also advised some others successfully with a few words, whom I thought would be hard to persuade . I remembered what Master said,
“...the depth of Ding indicates one's level”, “The Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities.” (Zhuan Falun)
While admiring the fellow practitioner, I also wondered why I could not attain the state that she manifested. Once when we were chatting, she said casually, “You involve yourself socially too much.” We parted ways after I was subjected to forced labor, but her words still remained deeply in my mind.
After Master pointed out the principle of “the appearance stems from the mind” ("Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting"), one day I suddenly realized that it was a false appearance that I was so busy. I was always enthusiastic to help others. It is not wrong in ordinary society, but it is not a correct principle when looking at it from a higher cultivation level. I was busy in my social life because I had too many human thoughts and notions, such as human sentimentality. My inner self was not calm, therefore, my external environment could not be calm. I realized that with the end of Fa-rectification approaching, the requirements for us have become more and more stringent. If I studied the Fa less or didn't seize the time to study, things happened around me, such as my parents becoming ill or my mind becoming unclear when clarifying the truth. Sometimes, whenever I felt impatient, someone would say words directly provoking my mind. During these moments, I learned to look inward to find my attachments and everything around me would eventually calm down.
Not long ago, a friend called me and talked about the conflicts with her husband. We had talked for several evenings and once I even missed the time at midnight to send forth righteous thoughts. I knew it was interference, but still couldn't refrain from chatting with her. She even suggested that I start a friendship with her husband, which caught my attention and I realized there must be something wrong on my end.
I found a deep attachment within myself. I was divorced for many years and I have been hoping to find someone with whom I could have a mutually caring relationship, someone who could depend on me and on whom I could depend as well. Master said,
“It is said, 'When I come to this ordinary human society, it is just like checking in a hotel for a few days. Then I will be on the road in a hurry.'” (Zhuan Falun)
I realized that as a practitioner, how could I start to think of staying here and being reluctant to leave? The next day, I called my friend and surprisingly, she said, “Forget about my suggestion.”
During those few days, my sentimentality surfaced. I even missed the opportunities to clarify the truth to those who I met. I learned from this lesson that our own cultivation state not only affects whether we can reach consummation, but also affects whether the countless sentient beings can be saved. Our lives do not only belong to us; Dafa and Master have put us in a position of becoming great beings that live completely for others.
3. Cultivating Compassion
When I was just released from the labor camp, I was anxious to clarify the truth to people. When others didn't agree with me, I even argued with them.
A classmate from elementary school came to see me on the second day after I returned home. She advised me not to get involved in politics. I immediately argued with her and accused her of lacking conscience. She was very angry with me and didn't contact me for about a year.
My parents used to have misconceptions about Dafa and practitioners because of the CCP's propaganda. Fellow practitioners and I have been clarifying the truth to them. When I was in the labor camp, my father withdrew from the CCP with the help of fellow practitioners. After I returned home, I found out that my parents had changed a lot. However, it was not easy to cleanse the influences the CCP had upon them. Once my mother tried to stop me from clarifying the truth because she worried I would get arrested again. I had a big argument with my parents and left home in tears. Fellow practitioners reminded me that human emotions and the competitive mentality can stir up the negative side of a being, which obstructs with our goal of saving sentient beings. I came to realize this and decided to call home, although it made me lose face since I was the one who ran away from home. My mother answered the phone and she acted like nothing had happened. It seemed that Master had helped me resolve the conflict after I had improved my xinxing. Thank you, Master, for giving me another chance to do better.
From the two incidents above, I realized that I had formed a strong competitive mentality and resentment over the years of the persecution. Affected by these attachments, I couldn't talk to people in a peaceful manner, which only served to push them away.
Since then, I have been paying attention to my attitude when clarifying the truth and do as Master said, “You should always maintain a mind of compassion and serenity.” (Zhuan Falun) I reminded myself, “I am to save him and encourage him just like a divine being would. Do not argue with him like an ordinary person.” When my parents watched the CCTV (state-run media) programs, I silently sent forth righteous thoughts and then told them the real news. My parents gradually got used to listening to me clarify the truth. Eventually, my mother also agreed to withdraw from the CCP and its associated organizations.
Once my father said something bad toward Master and his health soon deteriorated. I knew he didn't know how wonderful Dafa is, although he had withdrawn from the CCP. I was afraid to talk to him about Dafa in the past, but decided to make a breakthrough to truly save him.
I strengthened my efforts of sending forth righteous thoughts to cleanse all of the evil factors in my father's mind and his surroundings. After a few weeks of effort, it seemed to have helped. I knew the evil factors behind him were eliminated. I played the Shen Yun DVD for him. He fell asleep quickly, so I told myself not to lose confidence and continued to send forth righteous thoughts. The next day, I played a DVD of the Shen Yun chorus for him. My father was going to move to another room when he saw that I was going to play the DVD. However, when the music started to play, he stopped. He stood there and listened to three songs before asking me, “Which performance group is this?” I took a chance to introduce Shen Yun. I said to him, “Why not sit down? There are more very good songs.” He indeed sat down. I felt the mighty benevolence of Master. My father was apparently drawn by the songs and the music. He watched the entire DVD with the utmost attention. He even tried to sing along to some of the songs and followed the beat. After that, my father changed completely. He learned to recite the words “Falun Dafa is good” and “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” His health returned and he was finally saved.
Let's go back to my classmate at the elementary school whom I mentioned before. I had tried to call her and send text messages to her. It seemed she didn't want to keep in contact with me at all. Whenever I wanted to give up, there was always a voice in my mind, “Don't give up, only you can save those around you. Don't mind her attitude, just save her.” Whenever I sent forth righteous thoughts, I kept a thought to eliminate the evil factors around those who hadn't learned the truth yet, and also eliminated my own thoughts of resentment. One day, she called me, and we chatted for a little bit. I apologized to her, and we decided to meet to chat some more.
That day, I met her, her husband, and one of their friends. They asked me a lot of questions, and I told them what Dafa was and about the changes that I had experienced. I also told them about the suffering that I experienced in the labor camp and explained how we were not involved in politics. I was very calm and peaceful. I could feel the strong energy around me and the wisdom pouring out from me. I knew Master was helping me. At last, they were happy to receive the anti-web-blocking software from me so that they could access Internet sites blocked by the CCP's Internet blockade.
4. Letting Go of Self and Doing What Master Wants Us to Do
I have encountered many frustrations in advising people to withdraw from the CCP. Here are some examples.
A colleague of mine had sympathy toward Falun Gong practitioners and also tried to protect them. However, when talking about withdrawing from the CCP, she believed that this was getting involved in politics. I had three long talks with her and was unable to change her mind. Another colleague of mine got along with me very well on many subjects, except Falun Gong. She refused to talk about anything related to Falun Gong.
I asked a friend to send the books Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and Disintegrating the Party Culture to a professor at the university I attended. Two days later, he returned the books through the same friend and threatened to break off our relationship.
I hadn't advised people to withdraw from the CCP for years. Later, I first became nervous even before I started to talk to others on the subject. When I failed, I always felt regret. For a long time, I could not make a breakthrough on this. Twice, when I chatted with taxi drivers, I could feel that I was arranged to save them, however, I didn't know how to say it until it was too late. Once a woman from the countryside asked me for some money for lunch. First, I thought of giving money to her and then to clarify the truth, but I didn't have the chance to bring up the subject before she left.
I must find out what my problem is. If there is something that I must eliminate, I have to do it. Maybe Master saw how eager I was to save people, so he gave me a hint during Fa study. I realized the obstruction was within myself. I was worried about others reporting me to the police or encountering plainclothes policemen. I was worried that others would be against my advice. I held onto the notion of self and didn't truly think of others or how to save them. With such an impure thought, how could I dissolve the bad factors behind ordinary people?
I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate these bad elements. I studied the Fa more to purify and strengthen myself with righteous thoughts.
When I started to clarify the truth again, I tried not to think about what others were thinking and to not let the evil factors behind them interfere with me. I found that the situation changed and things became smoother. Master opened my wisdom, and I could advise people from different angles accordingly. When advising people to withdraw from the communist party, sometimes it just took a few minutes. It was not as difficult as I thought before. The colleague who used to refuse to talk about anything related to Falun Gong started to listen to me on this subject. The professor who threatened to break off ties with me, after I called, accepted the anti-web-blockage software and agreed to watch the Shen Yun DVD.
The situation around me has gradually improved. As long as we listen to Master and follow his teachings, Master and Dafa will place us at an incomparably sacred position.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!
