Overcoming Difficulties and Coming Out Stronger Than Before
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings Teacher! Greetings fellow practitioners!
I became a Falun Dafa practitioner in 1998. In over ten years of repeated difficulties, no matter how many tribulations I have been through, I rejoice that I am still on the cultivation path. Teacher said;
"By making it to the present, and by partaking in saving sentient beings, you are blazing a path for yourself, establishing your own mighty virtue, and fulfilling your historic mission." ("Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference")
1. Solving Family Conflicts with Compassion
My husband and I fell in love at university and later married. We were really close to each other. Our truth-clarification materials production site was destroyed by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) in 2006. I was tortured and became paralyzed.
My husband could not withstand the threats from the police and the pressures that came along with the persecution. His personality changed a lot over time. He either said nothing, ignored me like I was a stranger, threw pots and bowls around, or shouted and cursed. He forced me to give up the practice and would not allow me to have contact with fellow practitioners. The atmosphere at home was suffocating.
Sometimes he gave me no food, and prohibited our two children from coming into my room. I felt bitter and my hatred for him reached an extreme. I tearfully complained about him to the children, saying things like: "I married him despite his financial difficulties." "My mother helped him with getting a job and with buying a home." "My younger sister helped to look after our children." "Now he treats me like this, with no conscience for what we did for him." I influenced the children, my mother and younger sister to hate him. I really could not stand it and wanted a divorce wholeheartedly. However, he would not agree. He was icy cold to me, and I cried loudly when there was no one around. How could I keep going?
One night soon after, I had a vivid dream: I cried and said in the dream, "You, give me the paperwork, give me the paperwork." He pointed at the revolving Falun at my chest, "I won't give it to you if you practice this." I woke up in tears.
I told a fellow practitioner about the dream on the next day. The practitioner said, "Teacher gave you the hint. Practitioners shouldn't divorce. He is also here for the Fa. It is such a great predestined relationship to be with a family, you should save him." I knew the practitioner was right, however when the negativity came, I could not let go of the hatred, and only thought about him harming me.
When I look back and carefully examine that time in my life, I find that I did not consider his difficulties, nor did I look at it from his viewpoint at all. He had to go to work, cook, wash, look after the children's study, and put up with others' ridicule, yet I just constantly hated him. This selfish thinking dominated my mind. I did not want to be harmed or suffer any loss. I missed out on so many opportunities arranged by Teacher to improve myself.
"But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve." (Zhuan Falun)
Because I could not abandon the long term attachments and hatred, the tests and ordeals added up, and they got too big for me to overcome. I had serious sickness symptoms, and I vomited whatever I ate. I lost my breath as soon as I sat up and my face was yellow. My family did not think I would live. In spite of it all, my husband still ignored me. Under Teacher's strengthening and hints, as well as fellow practitioners' continuous righteous thoughts, I repeatedly begged Teacher in my heart to help me truly let go of life and death, and pass this ordeal.
Afterwards, practitioners exchanged views, "So this matter was due to long term attachments. Your love is an emotion, but isn't your hatred also an emotion?" Now I understand. I was looking at events as an everyday human. I did not look inwards, but complained how my family treated me unfairly and badly. All of this indeed affected my ability to save sentient beings. So many lives were waiting to be saved, but I actually fell to this level of emotion. I wasted the time that I could have used for saving people, so wasn't that a crime? I must get rid of this emotional attachment, cast off the interference and persecution that arose from my attachments, treat my husband with compassion, and balance the family environment well.
After I found this attachment, my heart suddenly became relaxed. I increased sending forth righteous thoughts, to clear out all evil beings and factors in my surrounding environment, and the Communist evil spirits and dark minions that persecuted my family, and to thoroughly resolve all grudges with my family in a compassionate way. My home became much quieter, and my husband no longer threw bowls around or cursed.
The one who underwent the biggest change in my family was my mother. After I became paralyzed as a result of torture, I lost the ability to take care of myself, so my mother came to my home to look after me. Because I am a practitioner, she felt alarmed and anxious. In addition, my husband did not treat me well and was not kind to her. She has always been the decision maker, and now she had to wait on me at my home and bear her son-in-law's disrespect. She could not bear it and pushed all of her resentment onto me. When she was unhappy, she cried and cursed, wanted me to divorce, wished me dead, and frequently threatened me by saying that she wouldn't look after me anymore.
No matter what I did, she always misunderstood me, and said I did not have good intentions. When she repeatedly yelled at me, I got upset and even got very angry after a while. I thought, "I treated you so well before. Now that I am a burden, you treat me like this." Although I said nothing, I felt wronged, and sometimes I burst into tears. I had not achieved what Teacher said,
"...you won't fight back when you're beaten or sworn at." (Zhuan Falun)
"To endure with detestation, grievances or tears is the Ren of the ordinary person who is attached to his misgivings. To bear without detestation or grievances at all is the Ren of a cultivator." ("What is Ren" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
When I tearfully complained to fellow practitioners, I was told, "You should diligently study "Transformation of Karma" from Zhuan Falun." After I read this section, I suddenly felt an openness and lightness, and understood that all these events were for me to improve my xinxing, but I was attached to human emotions and could not come out of it. When my xinxing improved, my mother also began to change. She no longer complained when I went on the Internet or studied the Fa with the children. She wore a Falun amulet, and spent money for truth-clarification materials. She explained the truth if someone said Dafa was not good. When we practitioners studied the Fa, she sat there and listened, and read a paragraph when she was in high spirits. She told my younger sister, "Say 'Falun Dafa is good' whenever you can, so you won't feel pain here and there." Once she said to herself, "My daughter is a Dafa practitioner, I am the mother of a Dafa practitioner, Dafa practitioners are all good people, take me with you to heaven in the future, Teacher Li is the greatest."
Lately I have become enlightened to the fact that this is the environment for me to practice, to recognize my attachments and abandon them in conflicts, to rectify myself, to improve, and to truly realize what Teacher said:
"As I've said, everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.")
"As long as you have them, all of those attachments must be removed in different environments. You will be made to stumble, whereby you will become enlightened to the Tao. This is how one goes through cultivation practice." (Zhuan Falun)
2. Walking Our Own Path in Adverse Circumstances
I really felt worse than dying at that time--the physical pain, the financial and mental pressure, fellow practitioners not understanding my difficulties and the police's threats to my family. The police even wanted to take away the material distribution site from me. All of these tribulations were happening all at once, it was just like Teacher said,
"Abundant troubles rain down together,
All to see: Can you pull through?" ("Tempering the Will" from Hong Yin)
My husband warned me at that time, "If you keep your job, then I can cope with staying with you. But if the job is gone, I can't support you." When the police talked to him, he became very frightened. I was already in bed when the 610 Office sent three people to interrogate me. They said, "Others have already turned you in, but you still protect them. If you do not confess, we'll sentence you to probation, then your job will be gone." Still, I was determined that I would not betray the other practitioners, and firmly refused. After hearing my words, the 610 head stood up, looked out the window, and thought for a long time. He left 100 yuan on the table without another word, and left. He has not come back since.
Because I could not pass the family test and improve my xinxing, the evil grabbed the excuse to persecute me. My buttocks had serious bedsores, which rotted to the bone. My family was afraid, so they sent me to the hospital. They were unable to cure me, and I nearly lost my life due to medicinal allergies. Because I spent over 20,000 yuan, I did not have the money to travel back home. Afterwards, many practitioners, one after another, gave and collected 7,000 yuan. I saved for a year to be able to pay them back, but the practitioners did not want to take the money. I said to them in tears, " I said I was short of money, but I can't spend practitioners' money. I have faith that Teacher won't leave me without any food. Teacher went through such difficult times while teaching the Fa, and did not ask for practitioners' money, how can I? At the most difficult time, I got your help. I am already so grateful." They wouldn't take the money, and told me to use it for the material production sites for saving people.
At that time, I needed to make sure to handle the money well, but also praise from fellow practitioners. Many of them complimented me on the suffering that I overcame, and talked about how great my mighty virtue must be. I was embarrassed to refute it in the beginning. After studying the new lectures, I shared with fellow practitioners that I have been persecuted by the evil because I had attachments. I did not do well, this is not the path I want, nor the cultivation path arranged by Teacher. Improving by enduring hardship and saving more sentient beings is the path we want. Sometimes we know it is a test when we face difficulties, but when we face praise, it is easy to get complacent. I do not want to make mistakes on this.
Local practitioners decided to restore the group Fa study. I found that some practitioners had not read Lunyu in all these years, had the serious situation of adding characters, missing characters and reading incorrectly. Some practitioners who were new to Fa study did not do well with regards to respecting Teacher and the Fa. I was embarrassed to point it out in the beginning. I feared it might upset others, and feared others might say that I was showing off. When I let go of this fear and did things on the basis of being responsible for the Fa, the fellow practitioners quickly corrected themselves. It was my negative mindset that was causing this unbecoming behavior.
Although I cannot go out to explain the truth and save people, I still have hands. Thus, fellow practitioners bring me the materials. I then fold them up, put them into envelopes, write the addresses, and mail them. Sometimes two children (young practitioners) help me distribute DVDs, other materials, and put up informational posters. They have become courageous and experienced after doing it for a long time. Practitioners brought me currency notes on which I printed "Falun Dafa is good, saves lives in a disaster." I did it with every note I had. My family also used the money with these words on them to purchase things, so the store owners around my home are now used to it.
Under my insistence, fellow practitioners helped me to buy a computer. I was so happy. I reorganized the local persecution cases, collected phone numbers and sent them to Minghui. Moreover, I am able to read Minghui articles as soon as they are published, and fellow practitioners' cultivation experiences often encourage me and urge me to strive forward.
In more than ten years of repeated difficulties, What Teaches said has come to pass
"True thoughts dissolve all,
The whole sky is clear." ("Stirred by Reflection")
Teacher also said:
"This instant is precious beyond measure. Completing the last leg of this journey well is what's most magnificent." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Chicago")
We should all be with Teacher, and with the Fa during this Fa-rectification period. Happiness and glory will be bestowed on Fa-rectification period Dafa practitioners. Let us treasure the great chance granted by Teacher. Let us walk every future step well and do not leave any regrets for ourselves or our sentient beings. Teacher and sentient beings are waiting for our return.
Heshi! Thank you Teacher! Thank you fellow practitioners!