(Clearwisdom.net) Not long ago, I did very well in studying the Fa, doing the exercises, sending forth righteous thoughts, clarifying the truth, and validating the Fa. In my cultivation state, I could feel righteous energy. Often my mind was peaceful without any distracting thoughts. The principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance were usually reflected in my thoughts and actions.
Then one day I thought that practitioners will be models for the people of the future. There was always a notion in my mind that the time left is not much, and if I get married and complete cultivation in the future, what would my wife do? I found this notion and wanted to reconcile it. Master requires us to accord with everyday people as much as possible. But I seemed to have gone to an extreme, turning into a quasi-monk. I dared not make plans for the future. There happens to be a charming girl I know and like. So I started to think about how to pursue her.
I had already passed the qing test several times. In the past, I had a desire for the good life and an attachment to lust. I wanted to look at beautiful girls. Whenever I saw a beautiful girl, I entertained a fanciful imagination and wished to date her. During previous tests of qing I have overcome and passed these attachments quite a few times.
This time, it was not as painful as it had been in the past to pass the test. After I let go of the attachment, I immediately walked through. The reason is that I looked inward and kept studying the Fa, and Master took away some of the bad elements.
Let me talk about this test. I especially noticed one girl in our class. After I heard that she was single, I started to pursue her. My basis was that I wanted to have a family and to find a spouse for the future. However, every time I approached her, problems came up. The more I thought about it, the more I suffered. I always thought that she would be touched by my deeds until one day I realized that the more I pursued, the more unlikely it was that I would succeed. Even worse, my mind was becoming filled with human notions, and I started to focus on this instead of doing the three things, wondering if she would accept me or not.
At first, I thought that this time I would definitely conduct myself as a practitioner and be a good person on this issue. But the more I did about it, the harder it was to let go of attachments. Finally I couldn't bear the pain that came from the attachment of loss and I didn't realize that my state was wrong, and was not a normal state for a practitioner to be in.
After looking inward, I enlightened on three points. First, although my intention was to get married and start a family, and not to enjoy having a relationship, during the course of my actions I automatically nourished the mind-set of having and enjoying a relationship. Second, the three things are most important for Dafa disciples during the Fa-rectification Period. Because of pursuing the girl, I was no longer doing the three things well. Obviously the interference was due to my attachment thus opening a gap in my cultivation. Third, it is not that practitioners can't get married and start a family. Only if I can do the three things well and there exists the condition and opportunity for having a family, should I consider such a relationship. If my doing the three things is affected, it must be interference.
I regained the state of maintaining a powerful and peaceful mind after I looked inward and sent forth righteous thoughts. I know it was Master's compassionate hint and help that helped me ascend to a higher level. Thank you Master!
I'd also like to share some things with other young practitioners for reference. We shouldn't have the thought that we will complete cultivation in the future and don't need to plan our everyday life. We shouldn't go to extremes in anything. On the other hand, although it is true that marriage accords with everyday people's life, we should try to keep doing the three things and not allow our cultivation state to be affected by attachments. My personal understanding is that if, in the future, I can do the three things well and there is an opportunity to start a family, it is not wrong to do so. Of course, we should keep in mind that getting married to an everyday person is different from getting married to a practitioner. In marrying an everyday person, it is more difficult to not be affected.
These are some of the things I've enlightened to on my cultivation path. I welcome fellow practitioners correcting me if anything is inappropriate. Heshi!
