Finding the Attachment to Validating Myself
(Clearwisdom.net) Although I'm a veteran practitioner, I've been cultivating with the attachment of validating myself all along. As such I was never able to break through the personal cultivation state. I always felt proud and satisfied when my experience-sharing articles were selected for publication. Yet recently my articles were rejected a couple times. The setback made me re-examine myself, and I discovered my fundamental attachment of validating myself.
Yesterday when I studied the Fa, I suddenly realized that I'd been lingering in a state of personal cultivation all these years-- I cared about how well I practiced, how I validated the Fa, and how much approval I got from others. I put everything related to myself first and validating the Fa second. In other words, I used how I validated the Fa to prove how great I was. Yet other practitioners emphasized our coordinating as one-body and used that as the foundation of their experience-sharing. I have been totally wrong. This was also my loophole that the evil has taken advantage of to interfere with me and to persecute my mind and my body for a long time.
I always thought of myself as diligent as one could be - doing the exercises, studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, clarifying the truth, and participating in Fa-rectification projects. Why couldn't I break through this state? It was a problem with my starting point. What Master required of us was to enter Fa-rectification cultivation and do the three things well, but I was still lingering in personal cultivation where I focused on how I felt and how I validated myself, and I was strongly attached to fame. The root of everything was selfishness, the characteristic of the old universe. With this attachment, how could I be able to meet Master's requirement? How could I be able to eliminate the old forces' persecution? No matter how hard I tried, I was only crawling within the boundaries set by the old forces.
I grieved about my own findings. I looked within and found the deeply-rooted attachment. When I began to rectify myself, I realized how ridiculous and low the attachment was. It meant nothing, and it is a shame that I used to gloriously show it off.
I know what to do now. And I sincerely hope that others who also have self-validation as their cultivation starting point can break through the same attachments in their personal cultivation, completely negate the old forces' arrangement, and enter Fa-rectification cultivation to assist Master in saving sentient beings.
Thank you Master for your benevolent protection and not giving up. Thank you my fellow practitioners for coordinating as a whole
The above is some of my understanding based on my limited level. Please kindly point out anything improper. Thanks!