I Finally Learned How to Look Inward
(Clearwisdom.net) Practitioner Yang had not joined our Fa study group for a long time, and the fellow practitioners were worried about her. We recently saw her and asked how she was doing. She said that a lot of things had been happening in her family. She said that her father broke his arm and her brother broke his leg in a car accident. Then her niece was hospitalized for pneumonia. These things interfered with her Fa study, so she stop coming to Fa study. I told her that this was all interference. We have a responsibility to our families, but we should not forget the fact that we are Dafa practitioners. Wherever we go, we should not forget to clarify the truth and save sentient beings. I told her about the many people to whom I spoke when I was accompanying my relative to see a doctor. I also talked about saving sentient beings in a shopping mall when I went to a big city to visit my relatives. In the end, I told her that she needed to participate in group Fa study in order to improve.
A few days later, she still hadn't come to Fa study. She also hadn't asked for copies of the Minghui Weekly or Master's new articles, and had waited for others to deliver them to her. When I met her yesterday, I asked her why she hadn't come to Fa study. I was surprised when she replied that she didn't want to attend, and only wanted to cultivate alone. I lost my patience and said, "That won't do! Do you still want to cultivate? Master asked us to study the Fa as a group. How can you not listen to Master? Come study the Fa tonight." She didn't say anything.
It was almost seven o'clock and she still had not come. At this time my husband was preparing truth-clarifying materials. I lost my temper when he accidentally cut the paper slightly out of line, "How can you be so dumb?" My husband didn't say a thing while trying to correct it. The more he remained silent, the angrier I became. I kept criticizing him, but he didn't become disturbed or argue with me, as he would have in the past. I suddenly realized that he had improved his xinxing while I did not even maintain mine. That was a manifestation of a typical CCP-culture competitive mentality. I had cultivated very poorly. If he was some other practitioner, would I have treated him the same way? Certainly not! I was still treating him as my husband, and not as a fellow practitioner. He is also a disciple of Master's. How could I casually loose my temper with him? Did Master allow this? With this thought, I stopped criticizing him. I adjusted my mentality and started sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference in my dimensional field. At the same time, I looked inward. Suddenly, I realized that I was part of the reason why Yang did not come to my home to study the Fa. I realized that I should look within instead of blaming her.
Looking back at my recent behavior, I realized that I had not been compassionate to Yang. She had not actively tried to persuade people to quit the CCP. When I told her that I persuaded people to quit the CCP wherever I went, I was displaying a strong mentality of showing off. This caused her, an introverted person, to lack confidence and feel inferior. As a result, she was reluctant to come to Fa study. Wasn't this my fault? I also carried a different attitude towards others--I'd be happy to see a diligent practitioner, but always criticized Yang. Wasn't my attitude pushing her away? I was shocked to realize that I still had so many human thoughts despite the fact that Fa-rectification is close to the end. I felt ashamed and unworthy of Master's grand mercy.
My husband had often reminded me of my strong mentality of showing off. Sometimes I was unable to notice it, and sometimes I didn't want to make amends even when I was fully aware, as I felt I had been doing pretty well and had become complacent. Actually, compared to practitioners who really cultivate well, I still have a long way to go. Although other practitioners could see my attachments, no one pointed them out to me, even though I often mercilessly criticize my husband and Yang. This was caused by my competitive mentality.
After realizing this, I started sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the bad thoughts and karma in my mind. I immediately felt a very strong energy field that I seldom experienced. I knew Master was encouraging me to search inward. I enlightened that only after I let go of my attachments, cultivate well, and purify my dimensions would practitioners be willing to come to the group Fa study. I believe Yang will soon join us and be diligent.
These are some of my cultivation experiences that I wanted to share with fellow practitioners. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.