(Clearwisdom.net) Throughout my years of cultivation, I've experienced many things. When I look back, I am able to clearly see the differences in myself from the beginning of my cultivation and now. My mind and body have gradually reached a peaceful and healthy state. I'd like to share a xinxing test that I recently went through.
Not long after I got married, my husband, who was also a practitioner, passed away. I was then trapped in, what seemed to be, endless family feuds. But no matter how hard my life became, I firmly believed in Master and Dafa. My husband came from a family of practitioners, and this was the main reason I married him.
My husband's sudden death placed a heavy psychological burden on me, not to mention the blame I got from my relatives. I often asked myself, "What did I do wrong? What attachments led the old forces to take advantage of my gaps?" I re-read all of Master's lectures, and with the help of some practitioners, I came to realize that I had indeed fulfilled the duties of a wife. Losing his physical body during a tribulation was his own choice and decision. Cultivation is very serious and the tests we face on our cultivation paths aren't controlled by us. I finally overcame the guilt that had been interfering with my life for quite a while, and which cost me many sleepless nights. I realized that I should stop going along with this old force's arrangements and rectify my current state. I subsequently had a dream about a battle between evil and guardian gods. Master was waiting for me in the sky, just above my head. The guardian gods urged me, "Go to Master, Go!" I looked up and found myself flying towards Master.
I went through a difficult process of adjusting my thinking, to actively search inward for the root cause of my attachment. Whenever I tried to take care of my husband's parents, a relative would remind me of my husband's death, and blame me. When I didn't come to help his parents, I was still blamed. What was I supposed to do? I realized that I had to change my mentality from one of doing things out of a sense of duty and guilt, to being responsible for my cultivation and my understanding of the Fa's standards. But why was I still being blamed? What attachments caused this loophole? I realized that I cared so much about what others thought of me, that their comments were able to control my emotions, causing me to feel helpless and lower my cultivation state.
My heart instantly felt relief when I realized this fundamental attachment. I came to firmly believe that no one but Master could determine my fate, and that my path was my own choice and no one could interfere. That night I had another dream. A frightened monster was shivering and repeating the words, "Don't know what to do." I further understood that this demon was there to interfere with our cultivation. I realized that once we know what to do, it will be eliminated.
Only when we use the standards of the Fa to look inward, and have righteous thoughts and righteous actions, can we truly let go of our attachments and discover a boundless world.
I am sharing my experience to help us advance together in our cultivation. Please kindly point out anything improper.
Category: Improving Oneself
