(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Gong in 1996. Prior to that I was in poor physical condition. In particular, I suffered from a brain tumor.
On June 20, 2010, my left ear suddenly hurt, and some liquid and blood came out of it. I became dizzy and my hearing diminished. It felt like something heavy was pressing down on and covering my head, and there was some unidentified sound echoing from my ears, which seriously detracted from my hearing. I felt sick and weak in my limbs, I could not sleep well, and I had no appetite. I was afraid to go out, because I thought that I might not hear anything. It was agonizing. I wanted to talk about my problem with fellow practitioners, but those who lived closed to me were not at home, while the others could not spare any time for me. I had to study the Fa and send forth righteous thought by myself at home. When I studied the Fa, I remembered that Teacher said: "You should also be clear that 'natural' does not exist, and 'the inevitable' has reasons behind it" ("Expounding the Fa" from Essentials for Further Advancement). It reminded me to calm down and look inside myself to find the human attachment that might have caused the problem.
The filthy liquid kept flowing out from my ear, no matter if I stayed home or went out. The smell was terrible. I thought I should take some measures to stop it, because I was afraid that it would adversely affect Dafa's reputation if people saw me or smelled the stench. I had heard the story about the practitioner whose steel implant melted away because of his firm belief in Dafa. Comparing my problems to his, I believed that Dafa could easily solve mine. I said to myself: "The liquid should not flow out anymore. It must be dissolved in other dimensions or excreted from somewhere else in my body." As I had wished, the liquid then started to flow out from inside my body, but it still made me suffer. I could smell it in my nose, ears, and mouth. Even my underwear became contaminated with the stench. My mind clamored, and I thought it might be caused by the previous tumor in my brain or the ear inflammation that I had suffered when I was young. I remained in this uncertain state for nearly a month.
I seldom went to study the Fa with other practitioners. Some practitioners told me to join in group Fa study no matter what. I followed their suggestion and went to study the Fa on Sunday. We studied "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles." I actually could hear nothing except for the passage:
"In such cases there are only two choices: You either go to the hospital and thus give up on trying to overcome the test, or you completely let go of everything, behave like an upstanding and noble Dafa disciple who has no resentment or attachments, and leave it to Master to arrange whether you stay or go. When you are able to do that, you are a god." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles,")
I recited in my mind repeatedly: "and leave it to Master to arrange whether you stay or go." I had attachments to many things like reputation and personal interests, and I feared that I might die someday. I knew that I must let go of my fear of death. Freeing myself from such a formidable attachment did not mean that I would die. I should walk the path arranged by Teacher, not the path arranged by the old forces. I then went home to send forth righteous thoughts.
One afternoon, I felt that my ear had recovered. When I was sending forth righteous thoughts, I heard something saying: "Let's go to other Falun Gong practitioners." I could hardly react to it when I heard this. After a little while I realized it could be something malicious that wanted to cause tribulations for other Dafa practitioners. I then decided to eliminate them before they could go hurt other practitioners. However, my ear hurt again at night. I thought my righteous thoughts might have been too sluggish or weak.
It was then that Teacher published his new scripture "Stirred by Reflection." I recited it immediately and asked Teacher and all righteous divine beings to help strenthen my righteous thoughts. I left no space in my mind for my human notions and maintained my righteous thoughts all the time. As a result, Dafa purified me and I gradually recovered.
I came to understand that all the serious illnesses that practitioners encounter during the Fa rectification period are not real diseases. Most of them are interference that the old forces created by making use of the filthy, low-level beings. On the surface they look like diseases that we had suffered before, but the truth is that they are taking advantage of our failure to cultivate well and fabricate the illusion of disease to bewilder us. If we fall for it, we will be walking the path arranged by them. We can see through the illusion of diseases if we study the Fa well. In addition, we must be steadfast in our faith in Teacher and Dafa. Our faith in Dafa is tested when such tribulations fall upon us. If we can be steadfast, we can make it through the tests for sure.
These are just my personal understandings. Please kindly point out anything improper.
