Looking Within After Being Hit by a Motorbike
(Clearwisdom.net) One day, as per arrangement, I was holding a bag of truth clarification materials and was going to send it off to some practitioners. When I was walking down the bike lane, a motorbike that was driving toward me very quickly suddenly hit me forcefully in the back. My whole body was pushed far by the forceful impact and I was thrown to the ground. Those who witnessed the incident made sounds of shock. At the time I was just thinking, "I should pick up all the truth clarification materials and not let them remain on the ground." So, I got up quickly, picked up all the materials and turned my head to see the person who hit me. He was a uniformed worker for the Bureau of Municipal Design and he aggressively blamed me very loudly. I felt a bit sorry for him because I saw his motorbike broken and lying on the road. I didn't say a word and left with the other practitioner that was with me.
My whole body was fine except for some minor bruises on my right toes, which weren't painful. Even though I only wore a thin sweater, there was not one bruise on my upper body. I knew it was Master who had suffered on my behalf and saved my life. Although I had a deep appreciation toward Master for having saved me, my heart was heavy. A fellow practitioner who witnessed the incident said we should send forth righteous thoughts to dissolve the evil interference, as it was the evil that was trying to interfere with our clarifying the truth. However, it cannot be that such a dangerous incident occurred due to evil interference; I also have my own problem, a big problem. I should look within more.
Actually, for a long time in my cultivation I've had many shortcomings. I found some, but even though I found them I didn't treat them seriously. I indulged myself both unintentionally and intentionally. When I met with difficulty I would just skip over them. I was really not serious nor responsible to myself. I rarely participated in the joint morning exercise time (3:50 a.m. in China). I chose to practice the exercises at night as I'm not very tired at night. Once I finish the exercises and sending forth of righteous thoughts it's already past midnight. If I wake up at 3:50 a.m., I have little opportunity for sleep and then I must work. Due to my fear of hardship many human notions formed.
It was Master who gave us such a form to collectively practice the exercises. I still picked what suited me and I always chose what was more comfortable. My attachment of pursuit of comfort had not been dissolved, and I couldn't properly cultivate. I didn't do well in the past, but now I'm going to break through it!
I feel the importance of studying the Fa. When I share experiences with fellow practitioners, we encourage each other to memorize the Fa and we share experiences about memorizing the Fa. However, another attachment surfaced, the attachment to quickly memorizing a greater amount of Fa. The amount of times I've memorized the book and which lecture I'm currently up to, I mark all this on my calender. After memorizing some pages I count how many pages I memorized each day on average and according to what speed. I would also count how long it would take me to finish memorizing the rest of Zhuan Falun. As my mind is not right, the effect of my studying the Fa is not so good. Recently I often felt sleepy when I was memorizing the Fa and my mind was not clear either. The reason was my attachments of greed, pursuit, showing off, competition and various other bad things.
I've been bringing my child up as a little Dafa practitioner, cultivating with me. In the process a lot of my own shortcomings have been exposed. I have been anxious and blamed my child when I saw him wasting time, not using his time to study the Fa and practice the exercises. I've noticed his desire to play is more and more prominent lately. Moreover, he doesn't obey school rules when he's in class and his grades have been dropping. His teacher called me to tell me about the bad situation. I became very anxious and angry. I reminded him every day to do well, so why wasn't he improving bit by bit like a little Dafa disciple, instead of getting worse? Although I told myself that I should remain calm, I still argued with him angrily. I even used very bad words when talking with him. I knew that practitioners shouldn't get angry; however, when I noticed my child's situation I got really worried! After I calmed down and tried to find the source of the problem, I found it came down to myself. One problem is that I've had too much sentiment towards my child and haven't treated him as a practitioner. The other is that I didn't live up to Master's requirements to study the Fa or practice the exercises with him every day because of laziness. I always let him study by himself as I thought Master would take care of him if he studies diligently. But such a heart was still selfish. The child's situation is a reflection of my own. The child's grades also reflect my covering up of my attachment of vanity. When the child is tardy, it reflects how I do things slowly every day. These shortcomings have all been exposed.
In clarifying the truth to save people, I haven't really been putting my whole heart into it. I haven't been trying my best to do it according to how Master has requested it be done. It's as though I was just doing a job and I only picked what I wanted to do, and particularly in the area of face-to-face truth clarification, as I feel it's very difficult. The more I didn't try, the more I didn't know how to clarify the truth and the more the attachment of fear intensified. A practitioner who is always with me has been clarifying the truth to everyone she meets. She has clarified the truth while on the street, in supermarkets, in shopping centers and in her neighbors' houses. She has had insults hurled at her by people who don't understand the truth, she has been reported to the police and once was asked to get out of her neighbor's house. But she keeps doing it. I enlightened that our fellow practitioner's actions are like a mirror and reflect the areas I need to improve on; I really saw the huge gap between that practitioner and me.
I think it was because of such big gaps and shortcomings that the evil could persecute me. After I realized my shortcomings I absolutely denied all the arrangements made by the evil old forces. Although I have some shortcomings, Master looks after me; however, I must rectify myself. On the last leg of the road, I must walk well my path, and walk steadily.
Because my level is limited, please point out anything inappropriate.