Controlling My Temper
I always had a hot temper, and got angry very easily. After I started to practice Falun Dafa, I still didn't improve much in this regard. I read articles from fellow practitioners telling about how they changed and were able to control their tempers. I was pleased for them and said to myself, "I need to change too!"
My mother, my husband, and my son all said, "You are a very nice person, except you lose your temper so easily. When you are angry, you don't seem like a practitioner at all. You seem more like a demon and you are scary." Several times, I made up my mind to get rid of my bad temper. I even told my son, "If I lose my temper again, please remind me that I forgot I was a practitioner." My son asked, "Will it work?" I said, "Of course!" However, when I encountered difficulties or if something didn't go my way, I'd get mad. I knew the Fa principles about this, yet I couldn't seem to control myself. When something or some words agitated my heart, I'd lose control. For a while, I wanted to give up - I was so incorrigible and I might as well just settle for whatever I could become.
Recently, I was reading an article by a fellow practitioner. The following quote was included from Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. Fa Conference,
"However, during the course of cultivation you cultivate yourself to become more and more kind, to the point where you think of others whenever you think about anything, thus succeeding in becoming a selfless being. Cultivation is about you cultivating yourself: You reach Consummation and at the same time succeed in becoming a great living being who thinks of others and can make sacrifices for others."
This shocked me. I wondered why I didn't catch it before. Looking inside, I realized that I had been self-centered. I couldn't even stand it when other people were praised. This is because I was selfish and I had a strong attachment to pursuing fame! Why did I get irritated so easily? Isn't that the attachment of fighting with others? The root cause is that I wanted to be superior to others and receive praise. However, if everyone praised me, how could I improve myself without any troubles? Why did I receive so many complaints and irritations? Isn't it because I felt ignored and I tended to complain about others? I was jealous of others who had good jobs or a higher income. I came to know that I had actually been living a life of complaints and resentment. I used to think I was compassionate and considerate of others. I used to think I was a good practitioner and that I was doing well.
If I could truly completely live for others and always consider others, how could I get angry and lose my temper? Isn't it selfishness that made me mad? I came to realize that during the past several years' of cultivation, I had been so attached to myself and was living a miserable life when I always complained about others. It is scary. How come I couldn't change? Could I go to Heaven with all my attachments? When digging out all these attachments, my heart became light and bright. I decided that I should never hold on to my attachments anymore.
I hope all my fellow practitioners who also have hot tempers but have not yet enlightened to this will think about what I've shared and learn from it.
"as long as you're a cultivator, in any environment or under any circumstances, I will use any troubles or unpleasant things you come across--even if they involve work for Dafa, or no matter how good or sacred you think they are--to eliminate your attachments and expose your demon-nature so that it can be eliminated, for your improvement is what's most important.
"If you are able to succeed in improving yourself this way, what you do then, with a pure heart, will be the best and most sacred."
("Further Understanding", Essentials For Further Advancement)
Let's all remember what Teacher said about this.