The Environment Changes Upon Searching Inward
(Clearwisdom.net) I am a Falun Dafa practitioner who obtained the Fa in 1996. I have benefited tremendously from practicing Dafa. My relatives and friends have witnessed the miracles of Dafa and started on the path of Dafa cultivation one after another. During this time of our self-cultivation, we came to understand the principles of the Fa and cherished our unprecedented predestined relationship with the Fa. We are especially moved by Teacher's grand compassion and infinite grace.
On July 20, 1999, an evil haze loomed over China. Just like millions of Falun Dafa cultivators' families, my family of three also suffered severe persecution by the evil. The three of us have since been detained and sentenced to forced labor time and time again. Because of repeated arrests and home ransacking, my child and my husband have been terrified. When I exchanged ideas with my husband, I accused him of having a strong mentality of fear, having demonic nature, and behaving like an everyday person. As my words became stronger and stronger, my husband screamed in a rage, "I will quit!" His remark shocked me! I thought, "Cultivation is not a trifling matter, how could he casually give it up? Where has gone wrong?" In the past, he once wavered in his belief, developed a mentality of fear, and stumbled in his cultivation. But no matter how difficult those days were, with Teacher's protection, we have successfully overcome barriers and walked together on our cultivation path.
I calmed down, studied the Fa and searched inward. Teacher said in Zhuan Falun,
"Can you be considered a Falun Dafa disciple if you just practice these few sets of exercises everyday? Not necessarily. This is because true cultivation practice must follow the requirements of the xinxing standard that we have established, and you have to truly upgrade your xinxing--then, it is true cultivation practice."(2000 Translation Version)
I have found that in the past, my help to my husband was merely on the surface. I urged him to study the Fa more, but I have also made accusations when he showed an everyday person's mentality. I realized I did not truly help him genuinely upgrade his understanding from the perspective of the Fa. Sometimes when I saw his poor enlightenment in certain respects, I made inconsiderate remarks to him in a rage, like, "It is your business whether or not to do the cultivation. Whoever cultivates will benefit. There is nothing I can do if you do not want to cultivate." One time I even developed a mentality of hatred. I hated to see him fall short of my expectation and felt like he let me down. I have also had strong sentimentality towards him. I feared that he wouldn't be able to succeed in cultivation and would lose this rare opportunity for cultivation.
I seldom searched inside myself in the face of conflicts with my spouse. I always maintained the thinking that what I did was right. But this time, when I searched inward, I found so many attachments, which shocked me greatly. I thought to myself, "During this time, I have studied the Fa every day, but how much progress have I genuinely made?" Teacher said in Zhuan Falun,
"In genuine cultivation practice one must cultivate one's own heart and inner self. One should search inside oneself rather than outside."
I sincerely admitted to my husband that I was wrong and would no longer search outside myself by looking at other people's shortcomings rather than cultivating myself. My husband was touched by my sincerity and he gave up his mentality of fear from that point on. He has strived diligently in his cultivation ever since. One day, he said to me, "When you are truly good to me, I am then changed to be good." I said, "It was I who did not do well, which almost ruined you and the sentient beings in your world. Teacher doesn't want to leave a single disciple behind, let alone both of us."
Through searching inward, my family atmosphere had returned to normal. In the past, my husband always studied the Fa by himself and didn't study very much. He has now taken the initiative to study the Fa together with me. He is actively doing the three things, with much more diligence than before.
The purpose of writing about these shortcomings of mine regarding my spouse (my fellow cultivator) is two-fold. One is to urge myself to engage in solid cultivation and catch up with Teacher's Fa-rectification process. The other is to alert fellow practitioners who have had experiences similar to mine, so that they will not continue to stumble in their cultivation. It will also serve as a reminder to all, that we should treat our family members and fellow practitioners compassionately, and progress with them as a whole body, so as to have our revered Teacher worry less about us.
The above is only my shallow understanding. Fellow practitioners, please point out anything inappropriate.