My Sharing as a Practitioner Who Is Not Diligent Enough
(Clearwisdom.net) I connect to the Minghui.org website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net) every day to read articles from fellow practitioners. This is because for me, Minghui is the only place that I can compare myself with other practitioners on Fa understandings and cultivation. Every time I see fellow practitioners' diligent cultivation, I am very touched and excited.
Compared with fellow practitioners, I am not doing as well. Thus, every time I think about writing a sharing paper, I just do not have the motivation. The thought of shamefulness is always there to prevent me from picking up the pen. However, I have recently dreamed many times that in a testing place, others have finished the test, but I have not. It felt like time was running very short and every time I was awakened by the anxiousness. I now finally understand that it is compassionate Master hinting to me.
In 1999, I learned about Falun Gong through my roommate who is a practitioner. I read Zhuan Falun and felt very well. I had no notions that opposed it, and I accepted it gladly. At the time I was also just beginning to learn another form of qigong, but after learning of the principle of "no second cultivation way," I burned the books from the other school. The persecution of Falun Gong by the Chinese Communist Party began just after I learned the first four sets of exercises. Because I did not have a full understanding of the Fa, I once again fell into the everyday people's world, until 2006.
Those seven years are gone. Even so, compassionate Master did not give up on me.
After the Chinese New Year in 2006, I suddenly felt a strong urge to cultivate Falun Dafa again. I think it was because Dafa had already seeded itself in my life and I could never really forget it. I have always believed in the existence of divine beings. Although growing up I had no hints or enlightenment regarding this, I believed in Dafa right away once I touched it. Master said,
"When a human being or a life is created, his unique life elements and essential quality are already composed at the extremely microscopic level." (Zhuan Falun)
When I was very little, one day I suddenly had a thought in my mind, "I want to go home." This thought stayed in my mind for many years but I didn't understand it. Now I finally know. We are all beings from different levels in the universe and Dafa is the "heavenly ladder" that we have been seeking lifetime after lifetime!
Since returning to cultivation, sometimes I have passed xinxing tests well and sometimes not. With Master's care, I have continued walking on my cultivation path. During these times, Master opened my celestial eye and celestial ear. There were many times that I heard beautiful music from other dimensions in my dreams. It was so real that even after I was shocked and woke up, it seemed that the music was still playing.
One experience really made me realize Master's great care for us. Although it all happened in a dream, it was not a dream. It was real. In that dream, I saw a female demon. It was about to kill me. Suddenly it cried painfully and then it was destroyed. The cries woke me up and I think about it even today, and I become very frightened. Every time there was danger, Master would have me see shoes (shoe is pronounced Xie in Chinese). I realized that Master was hinting to me to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate evil factors because "shoe" has the same pronunciation as "evil" (which in Chinese is also Xie).
Another time, I was taking a nap around lunch time. I felt warm currents
coming down into my head and through my body. Gradually I felt completely awake
but I was still enjoying that sweet feeling. Then slowly, a big screen appeared
in front of my eyes. My main spirit flew into the big screen and I entered
another dimension. I didn't know where I was, but I saw a dreadful monster
gradually approaching some people. I felt the danger and I was so worried for
those people because they had no idea about it. But I couldn't do anything.
Then, the monster crawled to a child and used a knife to brutally cut him. The
child then made some painful cries! I was watching it but I couldn't help at
all! When I woke up, I thought about the dream for a long time and I felt so
sad. Master had me watch this to tell me to go save people!
I began to print many Dafa materials. There were many bikes on the campus that I worked at, so I decided to put these materials in the bike baskets. Sometimes I posted materials about the persecution on advertisement boards at schools and supermarkets. I have also written letters, used money with Dafa's words written on it, and sent texts on cell phones to clarify the facts of the persecution. However, due to laziness and other bad attachments, I have not done nearly enough.
Master's Fa-rectification is reaching the end of the end, but I still have many attachments. Sometimes I do the three things well and sometimes I do not.
Master pointed out to us in the Fa that there is a big issue among Dafa practitioners. It is the issue that we don't let others talk about our shortcomings, and that we get angry about it. I found many times when I didn't pass xinxing tests that it was due to this attachment. At work, sometimes I felt that I did too much and my coworkers too little, and I felt that it was very unfair. Although I didn't show it on my face, I held on to it in my mind and would try to mention it here and there in front of others. I often tell myself to watch out for my xinxing, but every time I feel very unsatisfied with myself.
For a long time, I could not completely overcome the demon of sleepiness and the attachment of pursuit of comfort and ease. I can't always get up in the morning to join the group exercises at 3:50 a.m. I am always afraid that I won't get enough rest and if I send forth righteous thoughts at midnight, then I am always too sleepy to wake up the next morning. Even when I hear my alarm clock and wake up, I fall back to sleep.
In the last stage of Fa-rectification, there are many things that I am not doing well enough. I am writing about some of them and hoping that by doing so, I can warn myself as well as remind fellow practitioners who have similar issues. From now on I will try my best to do well and not let down Master and his compassionate salvation.
Although there are no fellow practitioners around me, every time I see practitioners' sharing articles, I feel that I am not alone. Though I can't see you all, let us share our experiences with our pens!