Uplifted by Falun Dafa
(Clearwisdom.net) Over the more than ten years on my cultivation path I have kept firm in my belief in Falun Dafa despite many difficulties. I walked each and every step under Teacher's merciful protection. I, a person full of karma and dark thoughts, became a Dafa practitioner who emits pure brilliance.
I have never attended any of Teacher's lectures, have never seen Teacher, however, I can feel Dafa's might and power at all times, I feel Teacher walking beside me and I frequently bask in Teacher's mercy.
1. Studying the Fa and Practicing the Exercises
When I first began to practice Falun Dafa, I was always happy for fellow practitioners who could attend Teacher's lectures, who were near Teacher and able to see Teacher. I read the Fa and heard Teacher's words,
"My extensive transmission means universal salvation. Who learns it is my disciple. I will not follow the outdated ceremony. I only see a person's heart instead of his appearance. What is the good of worshipping Master if you do not genuinely cultivate yourself?" ("To Worship Master" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
I also understood clearly that it did not matter if I attended Teacher's class or not, genuine cultivation is all that matters. Howevr, deep in my heart I still held a very strong attachment. I felt that practitioners who walked beside Teacher had good inborn quality and a predestined relationship. Hidden in my heart, I still harboured different desires, just as Teacher had said,
"However most of the self-learners have the intention of worshipping Master and afflicted with the anxiety that they will not get the true transmission if they do not receive personal instruction from Master, which, in fact, results from a superficial learning of the Law." ("To Worship Master" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Through several years of validating the Fa and clarifying the truth to save sentient beings, I recognized Dafa's profoundness, something that only genuine practitioners can see. Also, I experienced Dafa's mighty power at different cultivation levels.
I truly enjoy studying the Fa, especially watching Teacher's lectures on video. I read Teacher's lectures no matter where I am. I begin reading Teacher's Fa soon after I open my eyes. I listen to the MP3 player and pay great attention to Fa study, because I remembered Teacher's words,
"Take a close look at Zhuan Falun, and [you will see that] all the Fa that I have taught after the book's publication is an explanation of Zhuan Falun. If you don't believe it, you should go and look." ("Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital")
For a period of time, I could not find the higher meanings when I read Zhuan Falun, so I gradually reduced the reading times.
I once determined that I would memorize Zhuan Falun, but stopped shortly after beginning to try to memorize it. Then, one day, Teacher mercifully hinted in a dream that one must focus on Zhuan Falun. Only then did I realize that I had strayed from the main cultivation path.
After over ten years of practicing Falun Gong and studying the Fa daily, I still could not memorize Zhuan Falun. How embarrassing! I immediately sat in the lotus position, opened Zhuan Falun, clearly saw Teacher's eyes move in the photo, and heard Teacher talking--and every character in the book became very big and shiny. I immediately thought of what Teacher had said,
"this book looks very colorful, golden, and shiny. Each word bears the image of my Fashen." (Zhuan Falun)
I indeed felt that every word was moving and became Teacher's Fashen. I clearly heard Teacher's voice and saw the Fa principles displayed before my eyes. I saw many wonderful scenes and immediately understood many things that I could not understand or touch or see before. I was so regretful that I hadn't truly studied the Fa before.
When I calmly studied the Fa again, I really felt Dafa's sacredness, broadness, and profoundness, and Teacher's greatness. Former simple sentences and familiar language actually changed. I found deeper meanings and beheld greater Fa truths when I watched Teacher's lecture, listened to Teacher's voice, and observed his hand movements. Teacher's expression and eyes were all explaining the Fa. Whatever Teacher talked about would become known to me. What I did not understand, Teacher kept explaining carefully. I really felt Teacher sending the Fa into my mind and adding things to my body.
I truly wanted to study the Fa. I thought I paid attention to Fa study, but became sleepy when studying the Fa at times. I even slept for one to two hours during studying the Fa. Also, when sending forth righteous thoughts, my hands unconsciously changed position. I became very depressed.
Now, a voice told me, "Practice the exercises! Practice the exercises!" When I was eating, walking or working, a voice always repeated these words. When I picked up the book, the voice kept telling me to first practice the exercises. The voice never let up telling me to practice the exercises.
I did not ponder the matter too deeply, just thought that Teacher said,
"cultivation taking priority over the exercises." (The Great Consummation Way of Falun Dafa)
I thought that I would be fine by reading Zhuan Falun more, as I remembered that Master had told us that the Fa cultivates practitioners. I remembered that when we are not practicing, the Fa cultivates us. Teacher had given us Falun, and Falun rotates continuously 24 hours and transforms the body.
A voice that sounded like Teacher's continued to tell me to practice the exercises. I thought it might be the fake Fashen and was determined to ignore this voice. But, the voice was very loud, and said it non-stop. I did not pay attention to it. Then, one day when I was watching Teacher's exercise instruction tape, I saw Teacher, who was showing the exercises, talking. I was terribly shocked and regretted for several minutes not having understood the message. I actually caused Teacher to worry so much about my practicing the exercises that he gave me hints over and over for over two months. My attachment to laziness, comfort, and human notions that had formed over a long time prevented me from understanding the Fa sufficiently. I did not understand the Fa fully and held onto my human notions, and this stopped me from doing the exercises.
From the beginning of my practice, I practiced for three days and laid off for two days. At times, I did not do all five sets of exercises. I did not like to do the second exercise, even though I practiced the five sets. I did not meet the standard. Therefore, I felt sleepy when I studied the Fa. My hands were not in position when I sent forth righteous thoughts and my skin was not fine and glowing. This affected my explaining the truth about Falun Gong and the persecution.
When I opened The Great Consummation Way of Falun Dafa, Teacher's Fa helped me shape a new view. I formerly thought I was genuinely practicing. However, I felt I that I did not treat cultivation seriously and did not act as a true practitioner should. My problem in not practicing the exercises affected validating Dafa and saving people. I thought that I must act according to the Fa and not adversely affect the salvation of sentient beings because I was irresponsible. During those days, I felt Faluns revolving frequently and Teacher's great supernatural power. I knew Teacher helped me to make it all up despite my lack of practicing the exercises previously. I clearly felt Teacher's painstaking care. Teacher expanded great effort towards my improvement.
Since I paid attention to practicing the exercises, I no longer felt sleepy when I studied the Fa at night. I did not even feel tired after studying the Fa for one night. I enjoy listening to the Dafa principles profoundness and mysteriousness, sacredness, dignity, and mercy. All was infinitely subtle and I was filled with happiness. I caught up on Fa study. My hands position no longer faltered when I sent forth righteous thoughts. I felt an invincible might, something I had never felt before.
2. Establishing a Family Material Production Site
For three years, my home has been a material production site. In the beginning I lacked funds, so I used another practitioner's printer. Soon after I began making truth clarification materials, my workplace started to pay me again. They had refused to pay me after Falun Gong was banned. I could not pay my child's school fees and relatives subsidized us so that we could eat. Now I have a printer, consumable materials, and food. After paying for school expenses, we still have extra money.
I know that Teacher's Fa rectification process has arrived at this stage. Fellow practitioners' continuous explaining of the truth has awakened sentient beings. This is mainly because of Teacher's careful arrangements. I really feel the path of telling the truth and saving people becomes wider and wider.
Practitioners from other cities provided us with Dafa books and disks. Along with the awakening of sentient beings, more new practitioners stepped into Dafa practice. Dafa books, especially Zhuan Falun, were difficult to come by. Sometimes we waited for a long time for a book to be passed around. I thought we should not wait, ask, and rely on others. We should not to increase the burdens on practitioners in other cities. I have the responsibility of saving people and helping more people hear about Falun Dafa.
I discussed this with some practitioners. They did not approve of producing the book and came up with many reasons why not. For instance, producing a Dafa book is not like making truth-clarification material, as it demands a very high standard. It requires printing, binding, making a cover, and so on. It called for a lot of time. We had not done this before. Moreover, we had limited manpower for making the material. It couldn't affect other Dafa work. We needed a good color printer and funds were limited. However, I saw practitioners had to wait a very long time to read a particular book and new practitioners could not get Zhuan Falun. I decided to go ahead.
I was busy for three days and nights, wasted lots of paper, but could not print even one book.
A fellow practitioner came to my home. She helped me solve the problems with the typeface and page numbers. We printed the first book of the new lectures. We folded it page by page and bound it. We only printed three books that afternoon, and it took us almost one night to do the binding. First, I only printed the new lectures, as I felt I could not print the cover, with the Falun image and Teacher's picture.
Soon fellow practitioner lent me an ink-jet printer. I asked a practitioner from another city to purchase photo paper and color ink. I thought I could now make the Dafa book. Unexpectedly, a simple printer drive took me a month to install. Normally, the software only takes one to two minutes to install, but because I had so many human notions, plus other interference, it took so long. Just like Teacher said,
"If all of you are able to search inward, many problems will be resolved, there won't be so many tensions, and in turn there won't be such intense things flaring up." ("Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital")
I sent forth righteous thoughts, asked Teacher to strengthen me, and eventually I succeeded. Under Teacher's guidance, I learned how to print and bind the book. With Teacher's careful protection and direction, I let go of many bad thoughts and matured in Dafa. With fellow practitioners' cooperation, I produced Dafa books, the Nine Commentaries, truth-clarification materials, and more. Now fellow practitioners have access to the book they want to read and new practitioners can also read Zhuan Falun without having to wait.
I was very fearful because I had been arrested and detained in the past. I knew I had to clarify the truth face to face, but I was very worried. I worried others would not accept what I told them, worried about being arrested, and so on. Often, I went out after sending forth righteous thoughts. I would see someone walking towards me, but when the person was in front of me, I froze. When they passed by, I regretted my inaction deeply. I wondered why I did not tell him. I thought, "I will tell him when I see him again." Then, two primary school students came towards me, I walked over and said, "Auntie wants to tell you a few things. She hopes that you have a good future. Make sure you remember that Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good and Falun Dafa is good. Be a good kid. Have you joined the Young Pioneers?" They answered, "Yes." "Withdraw from it. Auntie wishes you to have a good future." "OK, thanks, Auntie."
I was willing to explain the truth to children and the elderly. I felt that they could easily accept it, and even if they didn't, they won't cause me any harm. With this human notion, I judged and drew conclusions. When I saw young ones, especially males, nicely dressed and wearing shiny shoes and holding a cell phone, I thought they would be spies or police officers, and I did not want to talk to them. When I saw kids around 17, 18, or 20 with long hair, dyed yellow and red, who used bad language, I was unwilling to talk to them. I thought they were ruffians.
I clearly knew that this was wrong, that I was not compassionate. Yet, when I encountered them I just kept quiet. When I listened to Teacher's Lecture to Australian Practitioners, I was greatly touched, moved by Teacher's great mercy. Teacher even saves spies. Teacher disregards sentient beings' previous mistakes and only looks at their attitude towards Fa-rectification. I knew I had to change and treat sentient beings with mercy. However, once I met people I thought to be harmful, I avoided them.
Teacher saw that I wished to do good, so he helped me. For a period of time, when I wanted to avoid people, Teacher told me in my mind, "Fa-rectification period Dafa practitioners must clarify the truth." I was ashamed and speechless. Once, in front of a busy department store, I saw so many people and wanted to avoid them. Teacher told me to save people, so I walked over with fear in my heart and spoke to a kid. Because my mind was not pure, the kid did not listen and ran away. Then I talked to an elderly man. He was very angry. "You are harming people and do not even spare a child." He was very loud, and there were many people. I looked inwards and found that my human notions caused this incident. I was not compassionate and was strongly attached to protecting myself.
Once I arrived at the gate of a high school when students were leaving. I thought it was great that so many children would be saved. Then, I recalled the child that cursed me a few days before. I became timid and decided to walk away. Then, I heard Teacher's voice encouraging me, "You treat others very well, but you are not explaining the truth enough." Since Teacher said it, I had to talk to these children. Unexpectedly, the result was extremely good. The children learned the truth and did the "three withdrawals." Under Teacher's merciful guidance, I spoke to one person, two people, three, four, and even more. I talked to 80 or 90-year-old people. I spoke to people from a factory, a job site, a school, and a hospital. I clarified the truth wherever I went. A few times I met the same person who loudly cursed me and got angry, but the person finally accepted the message and withdrew from the Party and its two youth organizations. I met people who wanted to report, arrest, or hit me. They wanted to curse and trail me. However, many more sentient beings thanked me from their hearts.
Since Teacher said it was OK to write the facts on paper money, I have been using these notes to tell the facts. I have never stopped. I also go out to distribute truth clarification material. Most of the time I went out alone, and sometimes I took my child, also a practitioner. Sometimes when I left home, I felt very cold and dark and slightly lonely. But, as soon as I thought about Teacher and Dafa and about so many people waiting to be saved, I immediately felt warm and my bad thoughts vanished. I felt I was a god and doing a very sacred thing. I felt as if I had entered a place without people, no barking dogs and no car sounds. I thought about how sentient beings have waited for so long and are waiting for me to deliver the truth.
I can feel Teacher's merciful protection, Dafa's immenseness, golden Falun, and even the moon smiling. Occasionally, the vehicle broke down halfway. It was raining and snowing, and I got lost. There were police cars, bad people, and so many other disturbances. However, I succeeded every time under Teacher's guidance and with my righteous faith in Teacher and Dafa.
Recalling several years of my cultivation path and my improvements under the guidance of Teacher's mercy, I have always felt Dafa's mighty virtue. Dafa nourishes my heart and its profoundness touches my mind. From now on, I will diligently strive forward and be a qualified Dafa student of Teacher's.