(Clearwisdom.net) I am a new Falun Dafa practitioner who obtained Dafa less than a year ago. Even though my cultivation time has been short, my experiences have changed me enormously from within.
The tensions in my family became very intense after I began to practice Falun Gong. My husband has been brainwashed by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) doctrine for a prolonged time. He is a die-hard atheist. He is also very stubborn. He believes that he is the most clear-headed and that his opinions are always correct. He does not understand why I cultivate Falun Dafa. He had never laid a finger on me in our six years of marriage. However, when I first started to cultivate, I faced daily tests from him. He began to push and curse at me. He would tear my clothes to pieces, push me, pull my hair, and would throw me out the door. One day he dragged me to the door and almost threw me out. I asked Master for help: Don' t let him throw me out! I shouted: "Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance are good!" He went crazy and punched me fiercely. My eyes swelled up immediately and my nose bled..
If it had happened in the past (I thought domestic violence could not or would not happen to me), I would not have known how to tolerate it. However, as a cultivator one should look at things differently. I know that my cultivation path will not necessarily proceed smoothly, but our human eyes cannot see through the situation. Master stated:
"From the day that a Dafa disciple takes up cultivation his whole life is rearranged. In other words, this life of yours is now the life of a cultivator. Nothing is by chance anymore, and nothing will happen just by chance. Everything on your life's journey is directly related to your improvement and cultivation." (Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles)
At the beginning, I did not know what sending forth righteous thoughts was. I also did not know how or when to send forth righteous thoughts. With fellow practitioners' help and through my Fa study and by reading "Minghui Weekly", I learned to send forth righteous thoughts when I ran into problems.
Even though I learned how to send forth righteous thoughts, I still had a strong attachment to fear.. Whenever my husband put on an intimidating expression my heart started to shake; I was afraid that he would hit me. The attachment to fear became reality; the more I became scared, the more he would hit me. When he went crazy and attacked me, his face was twisted with an evil expression. I was consumed by terror and completely forgot to send forth righteous thoughts. Looking back, I was like a baby just learning how to walk, from wobbling along to gradually becoming more steady. After studying the Fa, I realized that I was afraid of being hit and had an attachment to a peaceful and harmonious family life. I have a lovely four-year-old daughter and do not wish for her to witness the violence and her father's angry, twisted face. I wished we could be like a healthy family. It was my attachment to affection.
When I truly put down the attachment, it felt like something was torn inside of me. The pain was beyond description. I asked myself: "Do you want to be a human or god?" The answer is obvious, I gritted my teeth and moved on. Master taught us in Zhuan Falun:
Back when I was cultivating, a lot of men of great character told me this: "It's hard to endure, but you can endure it. It's hard to do, but you can do it." And that's really how it is. When you go back you might want to give it a try. When you're going through an awful tribulation, or maybe a critical juncture, give it a try. When it's hard to endure, try to endure it. When it seems impossible to do, or just hard to do, give it a try and see just what you can do. And when you can really do it, just like that worn and weary traveler, you'll see, "the shade of willows, the blooms of flowers, a place to rest my head"!
In reality, human beings are weak. When our righteous thoughts are strong, the evil will be afraid and run away, let alone humans. During my cultivation, in order to try to prevent me from cultivating, my husband committed many sins. He even threw away and burned my Dafa books. One day, he found an MP4 in my bag which contained electronic Dafa books. I was afraid that he would commit sins again, but I reminded myself immediately that if my thought was not righteous, it would bring the worse outcome. I let go of the fear and when he questioned me with interrogation methods, I said in an upright and confident manner: "Yes, it contains a Falun Gong book. What is wrong with that? Did I commit a crime by reading the book? Is it wrong to be kind? Did I commit a crime by being a better person?" He opened his mouth but was not able to talk for several seconds and he later muttered, "Alright, you may keep it," and walked away. I witnessed the power of Dafa and of righteous thoughts.
Another time, he hit me with a wooden bench and forced me to answer his question: " Tell me if you will or will not practice?" Initially I did not reply as he continued the beating. Whenever I let go of the attachment, the situation would change. I answered in a loud voice: "Yes, I will practice even if you beat me to death." He sat on the floor as if he was out of breath and as if nothing happened.
Whenever we have righteous thoughts the situation will change. It is just is like what Master said:
"When disciples have ample righteous thoughts
Master has the power to turn back the tide." ("The Master-Disciple Bond" in Hong Yin II)
There is much more that I want to write about. I believe each and every true Dafa practitioner's journey is difficult. Writing experience sharing articles is not simple. When I wrote this article, I felt I learned a great deal. My xinxing has been elevated. Cultivation is not easy. You must believe and enlighten and you will see the truth..
This is my understanding. Please kindly point out any shortcomings.
