Becoming a Genuine Cultivator by Abandoning Attachments
Dafa changed my life
I have followed Master closely since I first started to practice Falun Gong in 1994, regardless of the fact that the communist regime decided to ban the practice and concocted many shameful lies about it. I have been firm and held no doubts about Dafa. My personal experiences attest to that.
I had many stubborn illnesses prior to cultivation. Fortunately, I attended a locally held nine-day Falun Gong lecture series and watched several Dafa video lectures. Master purged my body of breast tumors during the second lecture. When the nine-day sessions were completed, all my illness symptoms had disappeared. It was the first time I had ever felt healthy. After four months of the practice I gained weight, from a low of 90 lbs to 130 lbs. I could do housework. Over the years, all my 11 family members have gained great respect for Dafa and Master because they have witnessed significant changes in my life since I began the practice. No matter what I do, the family supports me and cooperates with me. They have never complained of my practicing Falun Gong.
The attachment to doing things
Many Dafa projects have been generated since 2000 to expose the persecution and to offer people salvation. I kept a tight schedule for Dafa projects and left little or no time for studying the Fa or practicing the exercises. I was under the illusion that it would be better to complete the projects first and then spend more time on cultivation. The projects kept coming. I spent all my time on Dafa projects, was attached to doing them, and put actual cultivation second.
In addition, I was also responsible for taking care of my big family. The more people in a family, the more work there is that needs to be done. They counted on me to handle a tight financial situation since many of my family members worked outside of town. There was a time I focused on getting the Dafa projects done and not on studying and practicing Dafa. The regional coordinator saw my problem and arranged for another practitioner to exchange cultivation experiences with me.
At this time, my understanding of the Fa went off track. I remained focused solely on producing more truth-clarification materials. I worked like this on producing materials for approximately four years.
As a result, the evil took advantage of my loopholes. Overwhelmed with taking care of the family and too much Dafa work, I had a mental breakdown. I did not know where to start and did not know how to handle everything. I attempted to escape somewhere to relax, but was afraid of that no one could take over my work.
Getting help from other practitioners
I went to a practitioner's home and told her how I was feeling. She told me that I could not carry on like that and urged me to immediately start studying the Fa and practicing the exercises. She also offered to help me with Dafa work. Later she came to my home in the middle of the night after a long walk and checked on the projects in progress. I handed her the incomplete copies of "Minghui Weekly." She took over this task and reminded me to practice the exercises.
I cried once she left. My lack of cultivation took time away from this other practitioner, who had many projects to deal with already.
Another day the regional coordinator asked me to spend a night at her house. We studied the Fa, sent righteous thoughts, and practiced the exercises. I used to work on materials during the night without any problem, but I fell asleep just as I began reading a few pages of the Fa. I could not stand up straight when I practiced the exercises. I almost fainted twice at a group practice and experienced vomiting and diarrhea. Distractions came from different directions. My daughter, who lives in another town, became unreasonably fearful and asked me to stay with her. At home, my grandchildren had problems, too. All these things happened at the same time.
Looking inward, I realized that I had let Dafa down. My cultivation had been deteriorating for years. I ignored the importance of sending righteous thoughts. I wasted several years of my time away from Dafa. I realize now how dangerous that was. Other practitioners helped me and awakened me. I hope that other practitioners can learn from my mistake. No matter how busy you are, you have to study the Fa and practice the exercises so that your eyes will be sharp and your mind will be clear.
Fellow practitioners' assistance helped me to calm down. We studied the Fa together to get my mind under control. I first did the exercises on a daily basis, studied the Fa, sent righteous thoughts, and concentrated my thoughts based on the Fa. This was hard in the beginning; I did not want to practice. Once I had done the exercises, I hurt all over. My feet started to swell. I ended up practicing the exercises one day and resting for several days afterwards.
I got tired easily when I read the Fa, but I forced myself to read; if I was still tired I put the book aside and sent righteous thoughts.
Now I have passed all the tests for the present time, and everything is back to normal. I remind myself to remain calm, no matter what I do, and not to feel pressed for time. The truth clarification materials production work is running smoothly. There are fewer problems with the computers than before. Cultivating the Fa is our first priority. Only through genuine cultivation and diligent Fa study can we raise our levels.
I hope that others can learn from my mistakes. I did not cultivate well and let Master down. I will do better, study the Fa and diligently practice the exercises, do the three things well, and fulfill my mission.