(Clearwisdom.net) I am a young practitioner who made a serious mistake when dealing with the relationship between a man and woman. I would like to share my story in hopes that it will help others in similar situations.
I was able to refrain from making the mistake several times because I remembered reading experience sharing articles that discussed the serious consequences in other dimensions. I thought I could enjoy myself as long as I didn't go all the way. This was a result of not aligning my thoughts with the Fa. It didn't take long before such erroneous thinking led to a mistake. That night, I couldn't sleep and was afraid to face the problem.
Master said at "Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference" in 2003,
"Let me put it this way, what I said just now is for all of those who have done things that are undeserving of the status of Dafa disciples. You'd better tell people about those things openly. That way, many things of yours will be eliminated, and at the same time it will make you really strengthen your resolve [to correct your behavior]. I'm telling you that for you time is really limited now."
I knew I should follow Master's guidance, but how could I face practitioners after I disclosed my mistake? I told my aunt, who is also a practitioner, about what I had done. She told me not to make any more mistakes, and I have not made the same mistake since. At that time, I wasn't clear about how to make it public.
I continued to be bothered by thought karma relating to sex. All kinds of dirty thoughts showed up in my mind. I knew I must follow Master's instructions in order to be free from the arrangements of the old forces, but I was afraid to lose face and damage my reputation.
The interference by bad thoughts was very strong. All my attempts to eliminate it failed and I was in despair as I fell asleep. I had a dream that I was walking along with other practitioners and Master was in front talking to some practitioners. I didn't dare to look at or talk to Master. However, He turned around and talked to me, but I couldn't remember what He said. I was so ashamed of myself that I could only cry. I was still crying when I woke up.
Whether I studied the Fa, did the exercises or participated in activities to validate the Fa, I felt a wall between me and Dafa. I couldn't do the three things well and thoughts of disrespect for Master began to appear. When fellow practitioners read a poem praising Master, I tried to control thoughts of disrespect. I can't describe how disappointed I was with myself.
One day, when I participated in group discussion, a practitioner said, "Let us encourage those who have made mistakes to speak. This should be good for them." What the practitioner said woke me up. I knew I had to make my case public in order to completely remove the influence of the old forces. I decided to write about my situation and read it at the next group study.
On that day, thoughts of how others would look at me surfaced. I knew this was another chance Master was giving me, and that I must move forward. As I began reading my story, I felt surrounded by energy. When I finished reading, thoughts of being ridiculed again surfaced, but I decided it wasn't important. The only thing that mattered was following Master's requirement.
Afterwards, while doing the exercises, I experienced a good sensation. All the bad thoughts were gone. I was truly happy and knew that I had returned to the path arranged by Master.
In an experience sharing article, a practitioner said that for practitioners who have made the kind of mistake I did, a large demon will chase after them with a big knife. Although gods can help them run away from the demon, they would constantly be on the run. This situation will not change until these practitioners openly repent.
Master said in the article, "Be Clearheaded,"
"The old forces have arranged for all Dafa disciples a set of their things, so if a Dafa disciple doesn't follow Master's requirements, he must be following the old forces' arrangements."
Thus, failure to do what Master asks of us means that we are actually following the arrangements of the old forces.
I came to understand that for practitioners who have made the same mistake, the old forces will arrange for them to fail in cultivation or even be eliminated. This type of mistake must be made public, otherwise, failure in cultivation is the only possible outcome.
Despite my best efforts, I still walked the path arranged by the old forces, but Master did not give up on me and gave me the opportunity to return. No words can express how grateful I am to Master. The only thing I can do is to be more diligent in cultivation.
Category: Improving Oneself
