Going Home Under Master's Immense Blessings, Stepping Forward Regardless of the Trials and Hardships
Greetings, fellow practitioners!
Saved from a Desperate Situation
I began to feel pain in my legs when I was 8 or 9 years old, but my family did not pay too much attention to it. I did not have a medical check-up until I went to middle school. The doctors told my parents that they were not able to treat me locally and asked that they send me to the provincial hospital instead. I began to have surgery after surgery and had to leave school in between. Eventually I had to quit school altogether after I completed middle school. I suffered greatly, both physically and mentally. I was constantly thinking about committing suicide or leaving home to become a nun.
One day I realized all of a sudden with great fear that it was not my illness, but my mental depression that was killing me. Thus I began a long and hard search to find a way to save myself. I had to find a reason continue living. Why did I come to this earth? Why was my life so miserable? Where did my life begin and where will it end? Are there any true principles in this vast universe?
I vowed to myself that I must find the answers, even at the cost of my life. One day in September 1998 I came across a magazine in a bookstore. There was an article on Falun Gong in that magazine. I quickly went through the article, sensing something different. I found a lady who practiced Falun Gong and borrowed all of her Falun Gong books. I devoured these books without any breaks except for eating and sleeping. I cried as I read the books: "I've found it! Everything is clear to me now!" All the hardships I have endured were to prepare me to attain this Fa. I actually have a Master. I was deeply shocked, feeling the joy of being reborn. I wanted to tell everyone that I had become a practitioner. Supported by a strong force of energy, my body felt so light as if it did not exist. I constantly felt that I was levitating when I was doing the exercises. Sometimes just by standing there, my body would feel huge and very tall.
Cultivating in the Maze
After July 20, 1999, the Chinese Communist Party's propaganda and my family's attempt to stop me from practicing Falun Gong had made me miserable. At that time I did not know that practitioners around China had already begun to protest the persecution and validate the Fa. I was quietly studying the Fa under tremendous pressure from my family.
"If you say you want to steel your will, then with this thought, at that time you'll really be able to do that, and naturally you'll do well since your character has improved." (Zhuan Falun)
"At the crucial moment, won't they even betray a Buddha? Isn't fear an attachment? Cultivation practice is like great waves sifting the sand: What remains is gold." ("For Whom do You Practice Cultivation?" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Master's words were like a stick warning, and I quickly became clearheaded. Sitting at home doing nothing was no different than betraying a Buddha. With determination, I got on a train to Beijing.
This was the first time for me to leave my parents and go on a trip by myself. I had no idea how to get to Beijing. But along the way, there was always someone telling me how to get there. As soon as I arrived at Tiananmen Square, I was taken by a police officer into a minivan. I was then detained at a police station along with many other practitioners. Because we refused to reveal our names and addresses, I was unconditionally released with seven other practitioners after four hours of detention. We sat on the lawn and talked through the night. Some of these practitioners had followed Master to many of his Fa teaching classes. Their firm, pure, and rational belief in the Fa and Master and their openness deeply touched me.
In late 2000, I went to Beijing again with a group of practitioners from other cities. We were arrested on our way and were held at a shelter. There were dozens of practitioners in one room, and we shouted "Falun Dafa is good!" "Zhen-Shan-Ren is good!" "Our Master is innocent." We also went on hunger strikes to protest. After eight days of detention I returned home in a dignified way.
Once I walked with Practitioner A all the way to Beijing. We were separated along the way but thanks to Master's arrangement, we met again. Since we did not have money, we wandered along the way, begging for food and telling people the purpose of our trip (we didn't know about truth-clarification at the time.) One time we did not have any food for a whole day, but when it got dark, and we were still walking. When we passed by a cement block in a deserted place, I found a plastic bag with two pancakes inside. They were still a bit warm. I could not stop from having tears run down my cheeks. For more than 40 days, we had little food. But I never felt hungry as from time to time, I could feel some sponge-like substances being slowly pushed into my body via my chest. Master also arranged a practitioner to send us money for our trip home. After we arrived in Beijing, we were detained. As soon as we were taken to a police station, we ran into a practitioner. She put some money in Practitioner A's hands and said: "I'm here to give you the money specifically." Afterward, an officer walked in and told her to leave.
Because of the vicious authorities' threats, my father once forced my mother and my sister to kneel down in front of me, in an attempt to force me to give up my practice of Falun Gong. Authorities in my father's workplace also formed a "transformation team" to threaten me to give up Falun Gong. I told them: "Let me tell you why I want to cultivate. If I had not attained the Fa, I would've died a long time ago. It is Falun Dafa that has changed my life and my thoughts. How can you say it is not good? I know my Master! That's why I want to cultivate. I have nothing to regret even if I have to die." They all listened quietly, nodding their heads. That was the last time they harassed me.
Setting up a Truth-Clarification Materials Center
Prior to 2005, we had always got our truth-clarifying materials from other places. It was very inconvenient, and the quantities were limited. I also learned that the practitioners who were running these material centers were living in hardship and had a heavy workload. A few practitioners and I decided to come up with the money to buy equipment. Since I had never used this type of equipment before, it was very difficult to learn at the beginning. I had to call another practitioner constantly for technical help. If he could not solve the problem over the phone, he would come over to help. I felt bad about it. So I began to send righteous thoughts whenever I ran into a problem and tried to solve it by myself.
One time, as the printer was printing the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, it began to make loud noises, which were getting louder and louder. I quickly sat down to send righteous thoughts but with little success. The noise was as loud as a tractor. Since we were in a rental unit, I was afraid that others might hear us. I began to think in my mind: "Master, please let it stop." All of a sudden, everything went back to normal. But I was so nervous that my head was covered in sweat.
I gave each piece of equipment a nickname and communicated with them like friends. They understood me and cooperated with me. I said to myself: No one can touch them. My responsibility is to protect them.
One time as I was copying DVDs, I thought about taking a practitioner's malfunctioned MP3 player and use it as a flash drive. As soon as that thought came to my mind, all of a sudden the computer showed that the copying had failed. I was instantly alarmed and said to myself: "Master, I was wrong. I won't take advantage of others anymore."
Cultivation is indeed very serious. Even the equipment could not stand any trace of my impure thoughts. Thanks to Master's benevolence, I was able to find many of my attachments and eliminate them. Master has said, "Some of the beings might grow selfish and gradually lower their levels, so they can't stay at that level and have to drop." (Zhuan Falun) I realized that selfishness is the fundamental reason for a being to drop, and I have to completely eliminate it.
One of our local practitioners had coordinated us to deliver truth-clarifying materials to the countryside. After this practitioner was arrested by a plainclothes officer and sentenced, other local practitioners stopped from stepping out and doing the truth-clarifying work. So I talked with Practitioners B and C and decided that we would take over the job to send the materials to the countryside.
The three of us would go every few days. One day, Practitioners B and C were arrested on their way to the countryside. With fellow practitioners' righteous thoughts and their families' efforts, they came home safely after one month. But their cultivation state was at a low point. Later, our materials center was forced to relocate. The evil used our attachment of fear to create a negative environment, causing distrust and complaints among practitioners, which had a very negative impact on our efforts to save sentient beings. I thought to myself: "I am responsible for having to face this situation and I should have the courage to shoulder the responsibility." But, as we added more equipment to our center, my human attachments and attachment to doing things got worse. Furthermore, I was getting busier so my Fa study was lacking and I stopped sending righteous thoughts while I continued to prepare the materials. Gradually the printers started to show problems one by one, and we had to replace the ones that were not fixable. Eventually I was no longer able to communicate with them.
I knew the importance of sending righteous thoughts but had yet to pay serious attention to it because I was too busy doing things. I was no longer cultivating. I had been thinking of making some adjustments but somehow I could not stop myself. This lasted for several months. Eventually I was able to find the omission in my cultivation.
One day in May 2007, I took my niece with me to the park. I took some truth-clarifying materials with me as well. As soon as we got to the park I began to distribute the materials. Within half an hour, someone pointed at me and yelled: "Stop distributing these materials. Otherwise you'll be arrested." Five minutes later, a tall guy came toward me quickly while talking on a cell phone. He pointed at my bag and said: "Give me your bag. I want to see what's inside." I said: "Why should I give it to you?" and quickly walked away while sending righteous thoughts. I got away, but afterwards I had a hard time concentrating.
At this critical moment, I was able to recall some of Master's teachings,
"Just suppose that while sitting in place, and without moving his hands or feet, somebody could do what other people can't do even with their hands and feet."
"My roots are all deeply planted in the universe, and if someone could affect you, he could affect me, and to put it directly, he'd be able to affect the universe."
"...the whole process of cultivation is a process of constantly getting rid of human attachments." (Zhuan Falun)
I began to calm down and concentrated on sending righteous thoughts.
That day I looked inward and found many issues in my cultivation. When practitioners' homes were searched, I never thought about if I had any issues with my cultivation, and never really calmed down to study the Fa. I was distributing the materials with a human heart and muddled my work. All of these were gaps. Still, the evil did not deserve to test me as I was protected by Master. When I got to the park entrance, I saw a police car waiting there. I was determined that if I could not get away, I would clarify the truth to them until they accepted. At that moment, several plainclothes officers got into the car and drove away.
After I got home, I learned that Practitioner C had sensed that I was in trouble so she went back home to send righteous thoughts for me. So I was not alone. I had truly experienced how important it is to assist fellow practitioners with righteous thoughts.
Over the past year, many of our local practitioners left for other cities. If other practitioners were having difficulties in their cultivation, I would help to send righteous thoughts and participate in sharing. However, no matter how hard I tried, we were still like a heap of loose sand.
It was not until a practitioner from another location told me that I was responsible for the situation that I realized that we had not truly formed as one body. We had been studying the Fa but lacked in true cultivation and failed to guide our cultivation with the Fa. We had a Fa study site, but whenever I was busy I would use all sorts of excuses to not go. I was helping others because of my human enthusiasm instead of truly thinking of others first. My basis was off.
As soon as I realized this, I decided to study the Fa with practitioners several times a week. I tried to look inward whenever I encountered tribulations and I was able to find my attachment every time. I found that as long as I look inward, I can always improve in my cultivation without any limits. When we truly form a one body, it is a righteous, indestructible field.
When I read online about using cell phones to send truth-clarifying text messages, I wanted to try. I happened to have a cell phone that could send text messages. When I first sent messages, many people swore at me in their replies. I was not bothered. I took it as their opportunity to be saved and treated every text message seriously and tried to send a cultivator's sincerity and kindness along with the messages. Soon the replies changed and many people wrote to me: "Thank you. I truly wanted to chat with you." or "How can I thank you? Let me send you my best wishes as well."
One night I sent text messages to those whose names appeared on the list of evildoers. One of the replies was very vicious and showed no sign of change after a few rounds of exchanges. Finally I said: "You'd better look out for yourself." He replied angrily: "If you dare, just wait for me where you are as I've already located your position. Just wait and you'll be locked in solitary confinement." I was ready to give up as I had spent more than three hours with him. The next morning I thought: "I intended to save him, how could I end up upsetting him? How could I be lose my patience someone I wanted to save? Perhaps he was waiting for me at the edge of the cliff, but I simply went over and kicked him off." So I wrote this text to him: "Hello! First of all I want to apologize for what I said yesterday. We don't know each other, and I have no intention convincing you of anything other than that I want you to have a good future. Perhaps there are many people in this society who care about you, please believe that I am one of them. Please remember Truthfulness, Benevolence, and Forbearance, as you'll benefit from them all your life. I believe that you will not turn down my sincere wishes. I wish you happiness and peace!" As I hit "Send," I also sent this thought: "I simply want to save you." Within minutes, he replied: "Oh, you're so sincere. Thank you!"
Because of my text messages, my cell phone account was blocked. The first time it happened, I had no idea and kept trying until I could send text messages again. After I shared with other practitioners, I learned that it was because my account was blocked. Once I had this notion, when it happened the next time, I was not able to send messages no matter how hard I tried. I decided to send righteous thoughts to correct the situation, and I succeeded.
As I wrote this experience sharing article, my mind went through a cleansing process as well. All my memories were unlocked. Moment by moment, the past was playing in front of my eyes like passing clouds. The only thing that is clear to me is Master's benevolence. What have I done to deserve this? Tears were running down my cheeks as I wrote. Master, I will steadily cultivate myself and cultivate well to be worthy of your benevolent salvation.