Eliminating My Attachment to Affection to Save More Sentient Beings
(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Falun Dafa in November 1995. Before the persecution started in 1999, my cultivation environment was relaxed. I did what Master said. I studied the Fa a lot, and joined group exercises and Dafa activities. Fellow practitioners compared studying and cultivation, and improved together, which built a good foundation for later cultivation in the Fa rectification period.
In the grim situation brought on by the persecution, I went to Beijing several times to seek justice for Falun Dafa. I clarified the truth, wrote letters and delivered fliers to citizens and various levels of government. Early in the persecution, I was locked up in detention centers three times, and once in a brainwashing camp. Using righteous thoughts, I walked right out of these evil places.
Yet, my cultivation path was not smooth. My husband died suddenly. The whole burden of my family fell upon me. My child was preparing to go to college that year and needed a lot of money. I had depended on my husband for many things. Although he did not practice Falun Dafa, he would give me some suggestions if I talked to him about difficulties I had. I was not worried no matter how hard it was or how tired I was. But his sudden death, especially during the CCP's crazy persecution, was exceptionally difficult for me. I faced a severe test in my cultivation.
From then on, my Fa verification path was even more difficult. During that time, when I talked to others about Dafa, especially to my friends and relatives, some would say: "How can you save us? You should first save yourself ..." I felt my self-esteem suffered a setback. My words did not have any effect. Many people avoided me or laughed at me.
Our local custom is that a widow should not go to others' homes to chat for a year after a family member passes away. Others were not willing to come to my home, either. In addition, the CCP monitored me. Practitioners rarely got together. I endured loneliness and isolation which I never had before, especially when I had sickness karma. The helpless feeling was unimaginable when I laid on bed. It was really "Abundant troubles rain down together. All to see: Can you pull through?" ("Tempering the Will," Hong Yin) . Many asked why I would still cultivate when I was in such bad shape. They suggested just having another family and living a good life. My heart was heavy. Should I continue to cultivate or be an ordinary person?
I started to study and memorize the Fa peacefully. After deep reflection and looking inward, I found I had many attachments to such things as affection, dependence, and zealotry. After that, I walked out of pandemonium with righteous thoughts.
Master said: "Cultivation is hard. It's hard in that even when a terrible calamity strikes, even when evil madly persecutes, and even when your life is at stake, you still have to be able to steadfastly continue on your path of cultivation without letting anything in human society interfere with the steps you take on your path of cultivation." ("Path," Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Negating the arrangements by the old forces, I started to pull myself together. I sent forth more righteous thoughts to eliminate interference from the old forces. I shared experiences with fellow practitioners and formed a Fa study group. I started to learn how to use a computer. I saved money to build a truth clarification material center. I still remember the feeling I had when I first logged on to Minghui/Clearwisdom. I was excited. I was often moved by articles on Clearwisdom, which helped me a lot.
There were few people who knew how to use computers in our area. Some practitioners were arrested. Although I was old, far-sighted, and had a hard time learning the computer, Master often gave me hints. Every time I encountered difficulties, I recalled Master's words "When it's impossible to do, you can do it." I remember that when I first learned to type, it took me four hours just to finish three lines. I did not save, and the words accidentally got lost. Even so, I was still satisfied. After I learned the computer, I taught others. Now, there are many family truth clarification material centers in our area.
In every Fa lecture, Master requests that we save more people. I did what Master said: "Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy." ("Rationality," Essentials for Further Advancement II) I talked to many people face-to-face, and helped upwards of a thousand people to quit the CCP and its youth organizations.
Now, my environment is much better. My friends' and relatives' attitudes toward me have changed. No matter where I go, neighbors and colleagues will all greet me warmly. They said: "People cultivating Falun Dafa are all great." I realized that the environment was created by Dafa practitioners. Cultivation is serious. The evil forces fear Dafa practitioners forming a single body. We cannot take this lightly. When conflicts exist among fellow practitioners, we should look inward. Cultivating oneself can break the blockage of the old forces.
Master asked us to save more people. When I see countless people, I have guilty feelings for not fulfilling my mission. Master said that now the time is "precious beyond measure." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Chicago") From now on, I will work harder, do better, and finish the last of my journey well.