(Clearwisdom.net) In what seems to be only the twinkling of an eye, thirteen years have passed, with changes of the season bringing both sweetness and bitterness. During this journey, how many attachments have I gotten rid of? How many have I cultivated away? Will I return by the cultivation path arranged by Master?
1. Cultivating Xinxing is the Most Difficult
When I first did the exercises, I was in another room while my husband was eating in the kitchen. Afterward, I found that my husband had fainted on the table, leaving a toppled wine glass. I went to wake him, but he fell down on the ground. The next day when I the did exercises, my husband cried. After I finished the exercises, I planned to go to a park to attend group exercises in the evening. When I was about to leave, my husband had a heart attack. He had never experienced this before, so of course I stayed to take care of him. The same thing happened on the following day. Sometimes he would awaken from sleep crying. I often wondered whether I could remain practicing cultivation because we had never quarreled with each other for more than twenty years. Am I benefiting myself at the expense of my husband? I felt very bitter at that time. After studying the Fa more, I gradually understood that the entire family benefits with one person practicing. Didn't the evil try to stop me from practicing cultivation through my husband? At the same time, "She is not fighting with you only superficially and still good to you in her heart--it is not so. It is real anger from the bottom of her heart, because whoever has acquired the karma feels uncomfortable. It is guaranteed to be this way." (Zhuan Falun) He helped me remove karma. Usually, after work we do grocery shopping and cook the meals together. However, since I started practiced Falun Gong, my husband doesn't do anything and possesses a long face all day. I knew that it was because I am a practitioner, so I paid no mind. After work, I quickly finished my shopping, cooking and place the meal on the table for him and our children. Then I would pick up a piece of steamed bread and leave for group Fa-study.
Thinking about the cultivation story of Bodhisattva Guanyin, when she just came into the world, her royal father at once took out his sword and tried to kill her. How hard cultivation is, but I was able to follow the requirements of practitioners because it was cultivation after all. Things were like this during the following ten months. One day when I returned home from work, as soon as I entered the door, he called my name, pointing to me and yelling, "You can do anything except practice Falun Gong!" It was the summer of 1997. I realized that it was the evil using his mouth to stop me from cultivation. I yelled, "You can ask me to do anything except stop me from practicing Falun Gong. You know me, if I decide on something, no one can change me." Due to my righteous thoughts, I have remained steadfast to this day.
2. Helping Master with Fa-Rectification
This thinking came from my clear goal of cultivation. When a fellow practitioner lent me the book Zhuan Falun, I found that it was so good and thought that it was the best book. Because I was in a poor state of health then, I wanted to do exercises. After I finished reading the book for the first time, my mind became clear. Master said,
"I do not talk about healing illness here, and neither will we heal illness. As a genuine practitioner, however, you cannot practice cultivation with an ill body. I will purify your body. The body purification will be done only for those who come to truly learn the practice and the Fa." (Zhuan Falun)
I understood that if I wanted to become healthy through doing the exercises, I must practice cultivation. Should I practice cultivation? If I chose to cultivate, I need to drop all human attachments. At the same time, I knew that I should be righteous and do good things. Since I was already in my late sixties, I have little to be attached to so I decided to practice cultivation. In the future, what I need to do is to suffer hardships and strive forward. Cultivation is a serious thing and I had prepared for it even though the surroundings changed. Therefore, after July 20, 1999, I never doubted Master and Dafa.
When the persecution was most serious, I was not afraid at all. Once when participating in the morning group exercise, hearing that fellow practitioners in Dalian City were illegally arrested, we immediately went directly to the Dalian City Government to call for their release. Huge crowds of practitioners stood in different areas around the government office. After a whole day, we were all ushered to a school in the evening. The officials attempted to deceive us to sign our names by saying that they would drive us back by bus. However, we didn't follow them. Five of us took a taxi back to the practice site because the nine-day seminar that was being held hadn't yet finished. There were two televisions, a stereo, Dafa books and flags in the seminar room which can hold more than two hundred people. We needed to move them away at once and not let the authorities obtain them. After moving the equipment, it was 11:00 pm. The following day, the authorities searched everywhere but found nothing. To validate Dafa, we subsequently went to the park to do group exercises. For this, we suffered illegal detention for half a month.
3. Saving Sentient Beings
Since I started to practice Falun Dafa, I have understood many things that I never knew before. Why do sentient beings come to this world? What do we come for? We all came to the human world for Dafa. The more I studied the Fa, the better I felt. I often told people I met how great Dafa is. I didn't realize at that time that this was saving sentient beings and fulfilling the vows that we had made before. I only knew that I needed to follow Master's words.
I started distributing truth-clarification materials to stores with fellow practitioners. Sometimes we made materials by handwriting them, other times we went to the printing stores. Several times I was nervous when someone shouted and called me. However, under the protection of Master, I was able to run away. I have distributed materials for ten years. Most of the time, I do it by myself because it is easy, convenient and possibly safer. I always distributed materials on my way to work and back home. When I put up banners, I do it by myself even though the banners are five to six meters long. At one time I did the preparation at home in advance and then took three five-meter-long banners to a bus station at 3:00 in the morning. I placed the banners in a conspicuous place on the building opposite of the bus station. Although no one else was there during that time, I had felt afraid. Then I recited,
"Dafa is what you carry everywhere,
Zhen Shan Ren, rooted in the mind;
A great Arhat walks the earth,
Gods and demons fear with awe." ("Benevolent Might" from Hong Yin)
The more I do, the more calm and collected I feel dissolving the feeling of fear. Especially, posting truth information materials in buildings, I always choose positions that are easily visible. Usually, I leave three or four pieces of materials in one section. While on the street, I post materials at ATMs, bus stop signs and bus stops. The more people present, the safer it will be. I post materials as I walk by without stopping. As I gain experience, I am able to eliminate the attachment of fear. It is a necessary process to get rid of attachments, little by little till they disappear.
I also help people withdraw from the evil Party. After helping friends and relatives quit the CCP, I helped colleagues around me to withdraw the Party. Some classmates said harsh words to me, but I didn't pay attention to them. As long as they know the truth about Falun Gong and quit the evil CCP, they will be saved. There are times when I felt it was hard to save sentient beings, but I would rectify myself once I had this feeling. This is our mission and we must do it even though it is very hard. I also talk to strangers about the CCP. I talk with people on my way to work leading them to quit the evil CCP. When I found the effect was not good, I would intensify my study of the Fa more and also seek other practitioners to exchange experiences. One practitioner has persuaded nearly thirty thousand people to quit the CCP. He once persuaded one hundred and twenty people in one day. Looking how fellow practitioners clarify the truth to ordinary people and exchanging experiences with them have been very helpful to me.
4. Look within to narrow the gap and keep up with the process of Fa-rectification
Looking within is a magical tool, rather than a watchword. From my perspective, looking within is cultivation. If you don't look within, you're not cultivating. If you don't know how to look within, you don't know how to cultivate. Looking externally is not cultivation. I belong to the kind who didn't know how to look within and didn't know how to cultivate. Master said again and again this year that some practitioners won't let others criticize them and once someone criticizes them, it sets them off. I thought that Master was pointing at coordinators and practitioners in charge of Dafa projects, but I now realize that I must also look at myself in this regard.
Practitioners studied Master's lecture "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan." After that, when we exchanged experiences, and a practitioner kept on criticizing me. Having practiced cultivation for so many years, I rarely criticized others because I think that different practitioners have different opinions due to different cultivation levels. I cannot push my understandings upon others and others cannot do that to me. I clearly remember Master's requirements for cultivation of speech and rarely take a stand while fellow practitioners discuss things. However, I couldn't forebear that day and felt uncomfortable. At that moment, I felt that practitioners went off topic. I was thinking that I wouldn't come if they studied the Fa like that in the future. I thought: What we studied that day was the issue of not letting others criticize you. I have this problem. We need to look within even though we feel uncomfortable.
I still have many shortcomings so far and have a long distance to go in helping people withdraw from the evil CCP. Several close relatives around me haven't quit the CCP although I have persuaded them many times. The problem must be me and I need to make this breakthrough.