Solidly Cultivating Myself
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings Master! Greetings fellow practitioner!
I became a Dafa disciple in May 1999. I'd like to take this opportunity to report my recent cultivation experience to Master and to all fellow practitioners around the globe. Please kindly point out anything that is improper.
1. Cultivating Away Fear and Denying the Old Forces' Arrangements
With the help of fellow practitioners, my home became one of the many truth clarification materials production sites. It has operated for over a year. This past July, my family came to know that a local practitioner was arrested. As I was persecuted before, they were deeply concerned about my situation and urged me to move the equipment away as soon as possible. Feeling a bit scared, I asked myself: Was Master trying to give me a hint? Shouldn't I do so to be responsible to the Fa and sentient beings? When I talked to my fellow practitioners at the group study, some agreed and some didn't. One said, "You should not move the equipment at all. It's a false alarm. Through our cultivation, we should only go forward, not the other way around." What he said made sense. However, before I found out the reason why my family suggested doing so, I insisted on my own opinion.
I searched inward when I got home. Why did my family suggest moving the equipment? Did their suggestion really have anything to do with the machine itself? I finally located the root cause. Since I was persecuted in 2002, I had developed a strong attachment to fear. I feared that I'd be persecuted again. I feared that I wouldn't be able to do the three things well. The fear seemed to follow me all the time. It became worse after I had set up the materials production site. I feared that people would find out about it and that the evil would escalate the persecution once it found out about it. I was afraid that it wouldn't be safe to keep the materials at home, as it might be used as evidence against me. Every time I was finished with making the materials and was about to close the door, I was afraid that if the police came, the closed door would be the first one they searched. Whenever something happened, I instantly contemplated my own situation. Whenever I read articles about fellow practitioners being persecuted, I imagined what I would do if I were him or her in that situation. Subconsciously, I was walking the path arranged by the evil and acknowledging the persecution.
How did I progress to this dangerous stage? How could I have cultivated for so long in the midst of the persecution? Master wants us to "consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism." ("Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature" in Essentials for Further Advancement) What a huge gap there was between myself and Master's requirements! "If you can let go of life and death, you're a God; if you can't let go of life and death, you're a human--this is the difference." ("Teaching the Fa in New York City" in Lectures in the United States, 1997)
I had to strengthen my main consciousness so as to clear away the fear left by my previous persecution and negate the old forces' arrangements. I kept sending forth righteous thoughts and asking Master to strengthen me, "I'm a Dafa disciple, Master's disciple. Despite how poorly I have cultivated, Master takes care of me. The old forces have no right to interfere. They will only be disintegrated in the end." When I was equipped with righteous thoughts and determination, Master helped me to get rid of the attachment of fear.
Now, no matter what I do, I handle myself as a cultivator and measure myself by the standards of the Fa. I am able to clear away unrighteous thoughts the moment they surface. I know that with Master's help, I had escaped from the old forces' trap. Thank you Master!
2. Cultivating Through Saving People
I have never been an outgoing person, and clarifying the truth face-to-face was always a challenge to me. Fellow practitioners in my local area were able to seize such opportunities when they went to the market or other public places. Although I participated whenever I could, I felt like a supporting actor in these scenes.
The fellow practitioner that I partnered with had nothing but strong righteous thoughts. Together we were able to achieve great results when trying to save sentient beings. When meeting large groups of people, although I felt I should step out of the supporting role and start talking to them myself, I was too shy to open my mouth. I always regretted it afterwards and resolved to do better the next time. This situation lasted quite a while, and I missed lots of precious opportunities.
Things didn't change until one day when my partner and I got separated from each other at the market. I felt panicked and looked for her everywhere in vain. Feeling ashamed of myself, I started searching inward after I got home. I always gave people the impression of being quiet, rational and a bit shy. As a consequence, I grew up bathed in praise, which led me to develop attachments. Thank you, Master for providing me with such an opportunity to find it and rid myself of it. Suddenly, I felt that this shyness and reluctance to speak were melting away.
Now I no longer depend on others, and I follow the path that Master has arranged for me. I can pass on the facts about Falun Gong anywhere and anytime to whoever has the predestined relationship with the Fa and not miss any opportunities.