Devoting Myself Whole-Heartedly to Dafa
(Clearwisdom.net) Seeing the announcement on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website calling for contributions for an online Fa conference, I decided not to miss this opportunity, as I have never participated in such an activity before. I was quite moved when I read the experience-sharing articles written by fellow practitioners in past online Fa conferences, so I am motivated to participate in this current one although I am an illiterate person with only an elementary education. The great discrepancy between my cultivation and that of fellow practitioners should not hinder me from reporting my cultivation state to Teacher and I will not let him down after having been under his compassionate mercy for more than ten years. Here I will present a brief summary about my cultivation in Dafa.
1. My meeting with Dafa
I started to practice Falun Gong in 1997. Before that I suffered from many diseases, including pain all over my body, gynecological illnesses and edema in my kidney. In October 1997 I became ill again. Being unable to afford any medical treatment, I borrowed money from a friend. With the money I received transfusion treatments for about one month, but to no avail. My hands became so badly swollen that my vessels became invisible and I could neither eat or sleep. In addition, I was always at odds with my husband because of my family's bad financial condition. I thought: "I do not want to be a burden for others any more. Let me die so that all of this can end." I sobbed for a whole night with such thoughts. The next morning a friend came to me and asked, "Are you feeling better now? I heard there is a Falun Gong practice site just around here and the practice is good for health. Do you want to have a try?" I replied promptly: "Yes, I will go." That night he took me there. There were about 15 people doing the Falun Gong exercises. The person who brought me there left one week later, but I kept going every day.
Because I am illiterate, I had many difficulties in reading Zhuan Falun. When I came across words that I did not know I would ask fellow practitioners or my daughter. After I finished reading it with great effort I realized that it was exactly what I had been looking for all my life. Now that I had found Dafa, a new hope rose in my life. I made up my mind right away to practice Falun Gong and devoted myself to Dafa and Teacher for the rest of my life. No one could stop me.
Illiterate as I was, I liked studying the Fa very much. I also would like to read the brief biography of Teacher and could be moved to tears when I read it. Two months after I began my practice of Falun Gong I underwent an elimination of disease karma. I was bedridden for seven days and could not eat anything except for a small piece of apple. I realized it was an elimination of disease karma, so I kept a positive attitude although I could not eat and simply continued to study the Fa and do the Falun Gong exercises every day. Seven days later I recovered. I used to be able to do the meditation with one leg on top of the other for only 10 minutes, but soon could do it with both legs overlapped on top of each other in the standard way for 30 minutes. In 1999 I underwent three significant eliminations of karmic disease, seven days for the first time, five days for the second and three days for the third. At that time I did not understand the Fa very well. I only understood that, according to Zhuan Falun, practitioners will undergo purification of their body in cultivation and it is not disease. I understood that cultivation was serious and many tribulations can happen in cultivation. With this understanding I went through the elimination of karmic disease firmly.
The living conditions of my family were poor and my husband was unemployed. My daughter sent her 8-month-old daughter to me and asked me to take care of her. She paid me 200 yuan each month, but it was barely enough for the cost of living. Hard as my life was, I tried to save some money after I started to practice Falun Gong. I would not spend even one more penny than needed on food, hoping that I could save enough money for possible use in Dafa in the future.
2. Firmer cultivation in persecution
Eighteen months after I started to practice the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started to persecute Falun Gong. On the night of July 20, 1999, the day the persecution started, two practitioners that I knew came to me after they watched TV programs slandering Falun Gong and asked me: "Now the government has banned Falun Gong. What should we do?" I said: "It is up to you whether to continue your practice." I said no more, but I thought: "I had been on the verge of death before I practiced Falun Gong. Now I have found my Teacher and Dafa. I will persist in Dafa and follow Teacher firmly, even at the price of my life."
We used to have more than ten people in our practice site. After the persecution started many people that I knew were so scared that they gave up their practice. After July 20 I changed my previous way of life. I did Falun Gong exercises at night after my family members went to bed but would get up later than normal in the morning. Because I could not contact any fellow practitioners I lost all access to Dafa materials and had no idea what was happening in other places. The only thing I knew was that I should always measure myself against Dafa, so I carried on with my cultivation as usual with no interference from outside except for my poor financial condition.
In 2002 I heard from a fellow practitioner that we had new access to Dafa materials, but I did not get any and was very sorry for that. Later, a fellow practitioner who used to be a coordinator brought practitioner A to me. Practitioner A brought me some of the latest articles, but, due to the shortage of resources, I could not keep the new ones for myself and could have them for only one day before they were taken to other practitioners. Because I am illiterate I could only read very slowly. Sometimes the new articles were taken away from me before I could finish reading them or understand them. Then I decided to transcribe them before they were taken to other practitioners. My handwriting was slow and ugly and I could not even write many characters, so I asked my husband and my daughter to help me, but they were quite impatient. Even if they would help, I was unable to read their handwriting. I became very anxious over this.
Later, practitioner A was arrested by the CCP and our access to Dafa materials was lost. At the time we had very little truth clarification materials to distribute, so I considered writing some and distributing them by myself, but I couldn't even afford the paper and pens. Then I asked a friend to help me buy the paper and pens, then spent two to three months writing the materials. I asked my daughter to crosscheck my writing. She said: "Mother, your writing has no punctuation and has many incorrect characters. How can people read this?" Then I asked some fellow practitioners that I knew before to help me write them, but they refused to help me. Having no way out, I read out my writing myself and asked my daughter to write it down and got fellow practitioners to print it out. Before I set out to distribute them I asked a fellow practitioner to read it. She said it was not well written and was too incredible for regular people, so I had to give up. Then I tried to clarify the truth about Dafa to people face to face, but the effect was not so good. I was really anxious. This situation lasted until we had new access to Dafa materials after fellow practitioner A was released.
In 2005 I had already saved 1,000 yuan. I asked A: "Is 1,000 yuan enough to buy a photocopy machine? If it is too expensive, I have to give up such an idea. I just want to supply articles for fellow practitioners to read and truth clarification materials for people to read. I want to help solve these two problems." Practitioner A was very surprised and moved by my plan and said:"It's really remarkable for you, in such poor financial conditions, to contribute money to do Dafa things. Some practitioners richer than you will not even do that." We bought a photocopy machine at the price of 800 yuan.
Before the Chinese New Year, my husband found the photocopy machine and asked me where it was from, but I refused to tell him. Then he started to quarrel with me, saying that it was certainly brought here by practitioner A and he would report this practitioner to the police and have him arrested. He threatened to throw the machine out. If it didn't go he would divorce me or evict me from my home. At that moment I had only one single thought: As long as I am home I would do whatever Dafa things I like and no one can interfere. No one will spoil the Dafa instrument as long as I am here. Later, the photocopy machine malfunctioned, but both A and I had no idea what to do to fix it. In the end A took the machine away. There was another practitioner, B who lived in my neighborhood. She gave up her practice of Falun Gong after July 20 but resumed her practice after I sent her some Dafa materials. She bought a new photocopy machine with the money she made through her work and we cooperated. I made photocopies of materials while she distributed them to people. One day, the machine ran out of ink powder. She went to a computer sales center in the city and paid a technician to add new ink powder. It was expensive and time-consuming. To learn the techniques to add ink powder I always focused on the technician's operation without even blinking. Then I tried to add ink powder by myself at home. In the beginning I was so clumsy that I was always covered with the dark ink powder, but after several tries I learned the technique. Later, practitioner B suggested that we buy a computer with her money, but I hesitated: "I am so illiterate. How can it be possible for me to learn how to use it?"
Because of my improvement in my cultivation my husband also changed and did not oppose my cultivation as before. In June 2006 it came to me that I had not been to my hometown for more than ten years, so I wanted to go there to see if Dafa had spread there. I prepared about 60 truth clarification booklets, brought them to my hometown and distributed them to my relatives and friends. They had never heard the truth about Dafa. In this journey I asked more than 50 people to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. After I came home, I thought: "Dafa has not spread to my hometown, and the materials I took there are not enough. Many people have not received any truth clarification materials and many people have not quit the CCP. I must go there again." In November I prepared many materials and was about to set out again. The two big bags were filled with copies of Zhuan Falun, audio tapes of Fa lectures and Falun Gong exercises, video CDs of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, truth clarification booklets and video CDs. They were so heavy. The night before I set out I had a dream in which the police came to me and confiscated everything. After I woke up I thought: "I am a Dafa practitioner, Teacher's disciple. I fear nothing and will take my responsibility as a Dafa practitioner no matter how dangerous it will be." On my journey my husband took me to the bus station and a young girl helped me when I got off the bus. Everything went very smoothly.
After I arrived in my hometown I first clarified the truth about Falun Gong to my relatives who lived near. Then I went to other relatives who lived far. It was a small town, and the police station was located in the main street. I went to visit an old friend that had a shop in the town. The mother and daughter invited me to dinner. I clarified the truth to them while I ate. The mother said: "We have received orders from the police station that we should report Falun Gong practitioners to them whenever we see them." During the dinner the mother excused herself to use the restroom, but actually went to the police station to report me. After she returned she announced that our friendship had ended and then she went to sleep in a confused manner. After dinner I went downstairs and clarified the truth to her husband. When the police came, I sent forth righteous thought immediately. The police went to the sales counter but did not see me, although I was sitting in a very obvious place. I knew Teacher had protected me. The next day, when I stepped out into the lane I saw many police cars waiting for me. I thought: "You will not see me" and got on the bus and left. During the 20-day journey to my hometown I persuaded many people to quit the CCP and all my materials were distributed.
In the summer this year my husband went to his hometown with our children and I was left at home alone. One day, when I was on my way to distribute truth clarification materials I was hit by a car. I fell to the ground and felt severe pain in my lower back as if it were broken. The driver got out of his car and helped support me while I stood up, saying: "Let me take you to a hospital." I caught my breath and said to him: "You can go. I am fine." The driver offered me some money, about several hundred yuan, but I refused it: "I do not need your money. You have come across a good person today. I am a Falun Gong practitioner. You should remember that Falun Dafa is good and be fair to Falun Gong." After I returned home it pained me so much that I could not move. On the fifth day I sensed some Falun rotating all over my body. On the seventh day my husband returned home. He took me to a hospital for some massage treatment. Failing to uphold my xinxing, I went with him, thinking that it would be fine as long as I didn't take medicine. However, after the massage I was required to smear some liquid medicine on my skin, and I did not refuse it. After I came home I realized that I had done something wrong, because I had treated the pain as a disease. Then I sent forth righteous thoughts. After doing so I recovered right away! However, due to my failure to uphold my xinxing I wasted about one month of my precious time. I understood that cultivation in Dafa is so serious and we should uphold our xinxing at all times to meet the requirements of Dafa.
3. Letting go of my attachment to human emotions
In 2002 my husband began dating a woman that he knew from our hometown. In 2003 my son told me after he found out what had happened. Teacher hinted to me to handle this matter with a rational mindset. I called my husband to come home but did not say anything about the matter. In November 2006, I went to my hometown for truth clarification. When I arrived there, an acquaintance of mine came to me and told me: "I am sure that a woman is now living in your home. If you do not believe me, you can ask someone who lives in your neighborhood." I called my younger daughter and asked her to go home and have a look. Her investigation confirmed what the acquaintance said. I was so shocked that I felt like I almost went insane, but I soon managed to calm down. I thought: "I should put this matter aside for now and not be moved by it for the time being. I will come back to it after I finish doing the most important things to save sentient beings." After I finished the truth clarification, the acquaintance told me some more details about what had happened, like where they had been, what my husband had bought for the woman and how much money he had given her.
Before I came home I thought Teacher was hinting to me with his verse:
"Compassion can harmonize Heaven and Earth, ushering in spring
Righteous thoughts can save the people in this world"
(The Fa Rectifies the Cosmos, Hong Yin Vol. II)
I understood that I should measure this matter against Dafa and should not treat it with a human mind. I decided to resolve it with compassion. After I came home I told him all that I knew about what he had done. I told him I found out about the affair not because I had tried to pry into his privacy but because other people told me. He acknowledged what he had done. I told him to stop the affair and did not blame him. After that we returned to normal just as we were before.
4. Establishing a material site
Although we already had a photocopy machine, we still needed original materials to copy. Fellow practitioner B then talked with me about the possibility of buying a computer. Practitioner B's family is poor and her family opposed her practice of Falun Gong, so the computer would be placed at my home if we were to buy one. This was not a problem. The thing I worried about most was that I may not be able to learn how to use a computer. One day, I went with practitioner B to buy some materials. On the way we came across a fellow practitioner who was very capable with computer technology. It was like he was waiting for us as arranged by Teacher. Practitioner B told him about our plan. He promised immediately that he would help us and told us to buy the computer the next day. I was a little hesitant before, but now I had no other choice but to implement our plan. I took out all the money that I had to pay for the computer and brought it to my home. Before I left the fellow practitioner told me to connect the new computer to the Internet and he would come to teach me how to use it. I did not know that I needed to pay for connecting to the Internet and I had run out of money. What should I do, then? I immediately called fellow practitioner C, whom I had met only two times. Learning my situation, he sent me some money immediately. With this money and another 100 yuan that I borrowed from someone else I connected my computer to the Internet successfully. But new problems followed. The day after I got the computer my elder daughter sent her 8-month-old daughter to me and now I had to take care of her. This made me really anxious, because now I had to take care of two infants. How could I spare time for learning how to make materials with a computer? At this time practitioner C introduced fellow practitioner D to me. Practitioner D was young and knew the basic things about how to use a computer. Our material site started to run shortly after. Practitioner C had met practitioner D only recently. Wasn't all this a perfect arrangement by Teacher?
In a remodeling of my house in January 2007 I successfully asked my husband to spare a room for me to accommodate the machines. The room is not big but is enough to place the machines. In the beginning I only knew how to use a photocopy machine, while practitioner D used the computer to download articles and print them. I made up my mind to learn about computers. Starting from how to use the mouse, I learned to download and print files and burn them to discs independently. I understand that it is very important for fellow practitioners to cooperate well. When we are at odds with each other the machines would not work properly, although when we started to look inward at ourselves they would work perfectly.
After we established the material site I never feared that the police might come. I believed in Teacher's words:
"My roots are all deeply planted in the universe, and if someone could affect you, he could affect me, and to put it directly, he'd be able to affect the universe."
"...just by having your heart unaffected you will be able to handle all situations."
("Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)", Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Keeping Teacher's words in mind I always place the Fa and the task of saving sentient beings in first place.
Every day I am busy with so many different things: taking care of my granddaughters, studying the Fa, doing Falun Gong exercises, sending forth righteous thoughts, producing truth clarification materials and doing household work. To keep up with the pace of sending forth righteous thoughts and group exercises I bought three alarm clocks. One is set to 6 a.m., the other is set to 12 p.m. and the other was set to 3.30 a.m. Every day I study at least one lecture of the Fa. Sometimes, when I could not study the Fa on time or forgot to send forth righteous thoughts I would be sleepy when I picked up the Fa to read and the kids would be ill easily and the machines would also malfunction. One day, one of the kids had a high fever around midnight. The next morning my husband persuaded me to take the child to a hospital for an injection. My home is far from the hospital. After two days of injections the child's fever remained high, and I could not study the Fa, do the exercises or produce truth clarification materials as usual. The ill child kept me so busy that I was sleepy and tired. At night I thought: "How can I, a cultivator, be manipulated by them so much that I could not do the three things? No, I must send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate this interference." On the next day I said to my husband: "I will not go to the hospital today. If you want to take the child, you can." My husband also did not go, but the child recovered. There are so many cases like this. Cultivation is really serious and we really need to take it seriously.
In my cultivation I always keep Teacher's teaching, ".....the whole process of cultivation is a process of constantly getting rid of human attachments."(Zhuan Falun) in mind. I believe Teacher is at my side and each of my single thoughts, words and actions should comply with the Fa. I always try to look inward when I am at odds with others and am considerate of others. In addition, I arrange my agenda for both Dafa things and household work well. As a result, the environment around me also changed gradually. My husband became kinder and more cooperative and did not make trouble with my production of informational materials any more. He even helps me take care of the kids sometimes. When I am in need of his help for Dafa things he will not hesitate to offer his help. My financial condition has also improved.
I deeply understand that we can do well and pass all tests in our cultivation if we genuinely believe in Teacher and the Fa.
Above are just some personal understandings, please kindly point out anything improper.