(Clearwisdom.net)
A Lesson Learned from a Tribulation Due to an Incorrect Thought
One evening last winter, I was expecting my daughter to go to bed early so that I would have time to study the Fa. However, she stalled and did not want to go to sleep. (Now I understand that it was my attachment of pursuit and needing certain conditions before I would study the Fa that resulted in my child not wanting to sleep.) The later it got, the weaker my desire to read the Fa became, and finally when it was after 10:00 pm, I felt too tired to read and simply gave up; I decided to accompany my daughter and go to bed as well. As soon as I started walking towards the bedroom, my head began to feel somewhat uncomfortable. After I was in the bedroom, the uncomfortable feeling became stronger. I had already realized that my thoughts of going to bed instead of studying the Fa were wrong, but I still decided to go to sleep instead of reading the Fa. As soon as I lay down on the bed, my head hurt so much that I could not bear it. I knew that it was my giving up on studying the Fa and my making one incorrect choice after another that had conformed to the old forces' arrangements. I had given the evil an excuse to persecute me.
I thought that I should not be persecuted like this. Although I knew that by sending forth righteous thoughts I could deny the persecution, I could not send forth righteous thoughts strong enough to disintegrate the evil because I was not able to bear the pain. Instead, I turned to seeking external help to pass the tribulation. When I picked up the telephone to call and ask a fellow practitioner to help me send forth righteous thoughts, my headache became even worse. I realized that it was my incorrect thought of looking for external help that had made my tribulation worse. While I was talking to the other practitioner on the phone, I suddenly felt that I was about to have diarrhea. The other practitioner asked me to join her in reading the Fa on the Internet, and she also asked other practitioners to join us in studying the Fa and to help me send forth righteous thoughts. With great difficulty I sat down at the computer and studied the Fa with my fellow practitioners for a while. However, because of the intense pain, I could not continue. In addition, I kept running to bathroom frequently. The more I went to the bathroom the more painful my stomach cramps became. At the same time my daughter kept asking me for a hug; the situation was really desperate. I was not calm enough to be able to look inward to find out if I had any other attachments that were being taken advantage of. I only knew that I had the attachment of depending on others for help, that I always wanted to ask others for help, and that what I had done was not based on the Fa. Besides, I kept having the incorrect thought that I had to run to the bathroom. My incorrect thoughts gave the evil one excuse after another to persecute me. Therefore, no matter how I tried to deny the persecution, it was having no effect. I asked Master for help but that also had no effect. Actually it was I that kept failing to truly deny the evils' persecution. The process of my giving up eliminating the evil on my own instead of seeking help from others and looking for personal comfort was the process of my accepting the persecution. I had fundamentally failed to deny the persecution. Instead, I had gone along with it by acknowledging the pain. Master could not help me because the old forces could argue that I was acknowledging the persecution. From the beginning I did not deny the old forces and the persecution.
That night my husband was not at home. Instead, he had gone out because the company he worked for was celebrating the New Year. My daughter observed my dire situation and kept on crying. Even though my own pain was intolerable, I kept anxiously trying to calm her down. I gave in to the evil one more time and called my husband and asked him to come home. As soon as I told him what was happening, my pain became even worse. Furthermore, my husband told me that it would take him at least half an hour to get home. I had to give up any hope of expecting any help from him. My child finally went to sleep and my pain also began to subside. When my husband finally arrived home my pain was not that bad anymore and it was already midnight.
In that two hours I experienced the kind of pain that I had never experienced in my life before and that I would never forget. In those two hours I learned a truth again and again: One must be firm when denying the persecution. When experiencing the persecution one must actually deny it instead of only thinking of denying it. No matter how one understands the principle, if he still acknowledges the persecution he is then not fundamentally denying the old forces and he is then unable to truly deny the persecution. Moreover, we are Falun Gong practitioners and we are walking on the path of cultivation in these human bodies. We may make mistakes and we may not be as diligent as we should be sometimes, but we should not acknowledge the persecution under any circumstances, which is also what our Master has asked us to do. Master has entrusted us with the responsibility of saving all sentient beings, and Master does not acknowledge anything that interferes with saving sentient beings, no matter what the excuse. Therefore, we should also not acknowledge anything that might interfere with our saving sentient beings. One may not be able to recognize one's attachment during a tribulation, however, the persecution should be sternly denied. When the tribulation occurs, one should be firm in his righteous thoughts and deny the persecution instead of making the tribulation worse by allowing the old forces to use our attachments. Afterward, we should find out what the attachment is that caused our omission and eliminate it through cultivation so that the old forces will not have an excuse to use it again to interfere with our doing the three things.
Deny the Persecution with Righteous Thoughts
After experiencing this painful lesson, I started looking inwards for my gaps and I started to become more diligent in my Fa study. However, before I was able to make any noticeable improvement I had another stunning experience, but this time it was not as serious.
I had given my daughter a bath and wanted to get her out of tub, but a thought flashed through my mind: "What might happen if I slipped because my daughter was heavy?" This single thought gave the old forces an excuse, and because I did not deny it instantly, my feet slipped under the weight of my 25-pound child and I rammed my chest into the edge of the tub. With difficulty I put my daughter down. Then I could not move, so I squatted in the tub with my hand pressing on my chest. I realized immediately that it was my incorrect thought that had caused the trouble. After having learned from the previous lesson I did not look outward this time. I recalled the Fa principle that good or evil comes from a person's spontaneous thought and so this time I firmly denied the persecution. In my mind I reminded myself, "A divine being should not be bothered by such a small thing. I do not acknowledge the persecution no matter what excuses the evil might use. No matter what insufficiency I have, I will cultivate and improve while doing the things that a practitioner should do. I am Master's disciple and any evil old force arrangements have no reason to persecute me." This time my righteous thoughts were firm. My husband asked me whether I was OK. I did not answer him from an ordinary person's viewpoint (before this I would have used an ordinary person's reasoning to answer him, although my thoughts were actually following the principle of the Fa); I assured him that I was OK and told him that Master taught us that good or evil comes from a person's spontaneous thought.
Gradually, the huge, suffocating pressure on my chest disappeared. I did not acknowledge the fall and started moving around. Before long it was as though nothing had happened. However, my husband was still worried and kept suggesting that I go see a doctor. I told him that I was OK. He was still worried about me the second day and didn't really believe that I was OK. But I knew in my mind that I had passed a test that was nearly one of life and death.
These two experiences gave me a deeper understanding of this: that different thoughts can indeed result in different outcomes and the contrast is very obvious. I hope that fellow practitioners can learn from my lesson and so more diligently walk their cultivation paths when encountering difficulties, either in passing tests or when encountering tribulations.
The above are my personal understandings. Please point out anything improper.
