(Clearwisdom.net) After further thinking about this, I decided to write about my regrets in taking a detour in my cultivation practice. I would like to share my experience so fellow practitioners can learn from my lessons and avoid taking detours.
I previously worked for a mid-sized company at which time my cultivation environment was very good. I was a high ranking manager in one of the important departments of the company. I had my own office and I could use a broadband connection to access the Internet freely. I urged people who came to visit me in my office, to renounce the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I had my own apartment, which was also our local materials production site, and I made truth clarification materials after work. My cultivation state was very good at that time.
Later, due to my attachment to benefits that the company did not offer me, the department I was responsible for suffered a loss of tens of thousands of yuan. At year end, the company gave me only a mid-level manager's benefits, which I felt was very unfair. I could not calm my mind about this matter, even when I practiced the exercises and studied the Fa. I clearly knew that my state was not right, but I just could not let it go. In a dream, I saw there was a huge hole in the floor of my house, and there was dirty stool in the hole. An evil face smiled at me viciously and said, "This time I finally found an excuse." I immediately negated it, saying, "The evil is not qualified to test me!" In the mean time, I also realized the danger of having the attachment. I tried to change that state, but then my environment changed rapidly. My manager gave me more work, which was too much for me to handle. This directly impacted my energy to clarify the truth and urge people to quit the CCP. In addition, there had been many mistakes made within my department, for which my manager was holding me accountable. During that period of time, I felt so tired. I was sleepy when I tried to study the Fa. At 9:00 p.m. I was already too sleepy to stay awake. Additionally, there was disagreement amongst several practitioners whom I had been working with. Especially regarding the issue of safety, they all saw the materials site as a high risk.
I clearly felt that this thinking from fellow practitioners was a heavy weight on me. I did not want to have these corrupted things. I begged Master in my heart to give me a barrier to separate the corrupted things from me. In my heart, I did not want to let go of that environment, however nothing went smoothly. Later, the evil was even closer and reached the human world. On the surface, twice the distribution of Jiuping and other truth clarifying materials in my area drew the attention of police. They came to ask for my information and started monitoring my apartment. My family also called me from my hometown and said that the government officials harassed them at home and knew my current situation. In my dream, I received a hint that police were standing by my door to arrest practitioners. I knew that things could not return to how they were before, so I decided to leave quickly. I went to say good-bye to my manager. The management understood the truth and my situation. I told them, "If any other practitioners begin working here, please treat them well." My manager said, "Life is precious. We will keep your position for you if you ever want to come back." I could not help crying. It was regret from my knowing side: I had not completed everything I was supposed to do here, and I had to leave early. There were still sentient beings here that I did not get a chance to save, and I have disrupted the path that Master arranged.
Afterwards I went to my apartment and quickly cleaned up the equipment and gathered things I needed to take with me. I called fellow practitioners to come and pick up the equipment, however practitioner C said that practitioner A was upset about this. They did not agree on picking up the equipment, nor did they agree to move the equipment to their place. After that phone call, I was very sad. Although we treated each other as family, this was not true cultivation. Master is my only support. I kneeled in front of Master's picture and begged Master, "Master, I refuse to go to jail! I do not have any other options but to go back to my hometown." In the evening, it started raining. Practitioner C took the opportunity to bring a truck to pick up all the equipment. I had to say good-bye to my landlord, and I decided to leave the next morning. I was originally planning to leave after I practiced the exercises and finished sending forth righteous thoughts at 6:00 a.m., but when I was doing the fifth exercise, I suddenly saw in my third eye some huge words: "It is the time to die." With this hint, I immediately jumped off the bed and looked at the materials site for one last time and left. It was right before dawn.
I lived in a rural town. Because I left very early, there was no other transportation available, and I had to ride my motorbike. Practitioner B asked me to stop by their place before I went back to my hometown. Practitioner A, B and C were there together. Practitioner A was very upset when I got there. We all thought we should talk about this as a group. However, we all had strong emotions at the time. The result was very obvious. Before I left, I told practitioner B (practitioner A's wife) that regardless of where I go I would still do the same things (that is, making truth materials). I asked her not to tell the practitioners in my hometown that I was going back. She responded, "I would know that even if you didn't say so." However, it turned out that on my way back to my hometown, she had already told all the practitioners I knew. Practitioner A also gave me a word before I left, "Be responsible for yourself." Right after he said that, in my third eye, I saw that his body shrank. Our one body was disintegrated just like that and under the cheer of the evil. Master must have been very disappointed.
After I seriously thought about what happened and looked inward, as I was studying the Fa calmly at home, I collected my thoughts, "I have the attachment to benefits. I thought that I should get something in return if I make a contribution. I felt it was unfair when I did not get anything in return. At that time, my xinxing returned to the level of that of an everyday person. I didn't truly realize that Dafa cultivation has higher requirements and high principles. Practitioners need to follow higher standards. While working with fellow practitioners, every time I did something well or had a miraculous experience, after the many times I recited the Fa, or even when I got compliments from my managers at work, I tended to show off in front of practitioners. I had a strong attachment to zealotry and the mentality of showing off. When I shared my experiences with fellow practitioners, I always felt that mine was right and my level was higher. I felt that our cultivation state should be at a higher level. However, fellow practitioners tended to emphasize conforming to the everyday people's state. Although I did not argue with them, I felt that those practitioners still remained at a lower level and that it affected our functioning as one body. As a matter of fact, I did not realize that it has its own characteristic in every level of the universe. How could I belittle fellow practitioners? These dirty human attachments gave the evil a chance to take advantage of us as one body."
The principle of "Mutual-Generation and Mutual-Inhibition" controls everything in cultivation. When we do not have any omissions in our xinxing and cultivate in the Fa, although the evil closely watches us, it can do nothing to us. The cultivation path is very narrow. As soon as we have attachments or we depart one step from the path, the evil will find an excuse. We should negate it completely. Isn't the old forces' goal to destroy us by taking advantage of our human notions and attachments? The day I got home, I lied on the bed and heard a vicious voice, "Pull...down!" "No way!" I sat up right away, "I have Master!"
After over a month of Fa study, my mind gradually became calm. I had fallen, and I needed to climb up again. In a dream, I saw that my train was off the track. I had to get back onto the track on which Master arranged for me to go home. I then bought new printers and started making truth-clarifying materials and CDs. I also looked for every opportunity to clarify the truth and urge people to quit the CCP.
Six months later, I went to a different area, and the local fellow practitioners took me to their materials production site. Looking at the fellow practitioners and the setting of the materials site, I was shocked, as I had seen this environment and the practitioners a year ago. I understood that this was all pre-arranged. In that area, there was an urgent need for practitioners making truth materials. So I let go of my thought of looking for a new job (I had some savings and had no problem supporting myself) and I became a "dedicated practitioner." My mind was calm and my heart was at peace.
Practitioner A, B, and C, who I previously worked with, also changed their state of waiting for materials after I left. They started making truth materials themselves and can now supply their own demand.
The Fa-rectification has progressed to this stage. Our benevolent Master has been waiting for every disciple to do better and walk well on the cultivation path. Cultivating to a higher level means making choices. Of course, only what Master wants is what we want to choose. Tribulations can not destroy true cultivators. It will only make the gold shinier. It will only make practitioners more mature, wise, benevolent, and steadfast. Walking steadily the final steps on the cultivation path Master arranged for me is my biggest wish.
Please point out anything inappropriate. Heshi!
