Master Leads Me in Doing Coordination Work
(Clearwisdom.net) I had been involved working with truth-clarification materials production centers. I hadn't been able to walk well the road of Fa-rectification, and I had gaps that were taken advantage of by the evil. As a result, some of the truth-clarification materials centers were damaged and I had to leave home and move from place to place to avoid persecution. I then began studying the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts more often. With the help of fellow practitioners, I improved a lot and became clearer about some of the fundamental issues concerning cultivation. Fellow practitioners suggested that I step forward and become a Dafa project coordinator.
I didn't agree with them for several reasons. First, I was an introverted person, not good with words. Although I'd changed since I started practicing Falun Dafa, I was still shy about speaking in front of an audience. Secondly, I had a deep-rooted attachment that had not been removed. That is, I didn't want to be hurt and I didn't want to point out others' shortcomings--a form of selfishness I stuck to for self-protection. In other words, I was a "yes-person." Thirdly, my recent improvement in understanding the Fa principles was not steady yet, so I was concerned I might mislead others, for I was not always in the Fa. Fourthly, I was displaced and wanted by the police, so I was afraid that if I maintained frequent contact with practitioners, it might compromise the safety of fellow practitioners and the whole body. But when I dug deeper, I found that every one of those reasons centered around my selfishness.
When Master's new article "Greetings" was published, I realized that time was running short during this concluding stage of Fa-rectification and that our local situation in validating the Fa was not keeping pace with the overall Fa-rectification process. I noticed very little progress in exposing the evil and saving fellow practitioners who were in police custody, and many fellow practitioners around me were still struggling, trapped in the old forces' arrangements, and not clear about their fundamental attachments, the relationship between personal cultivation and Fa-rectification cultivation, and how to walk straight on their cultivation paths. Having identified my strong selfishness, I finally decided I should step out.
After sharing with fellow practitioners a few times, I saw that it was as if they had awakened from a sleep and realized quite a few of their fundamental problems. They then knew better how to practice cultivation. I was very happy for them. And then, unexpectedly, fellow practitioners began to admire me and rely on me, treating me as their idol. I knew very well that this attachment would do harm to both fellow practitioners and myself, so I started blaming them for their human hearts, instead of examining myself. At the same time, attachments such as showing off and complacency overwhelmed me. I even experienced demonic interference in my own mind. To me, fellow practitioners were either walking the path arranged by old forces, or not doing things in conformity with human society, or not looking inside, or not doing a good job in clarifying the facts. I felt that I was the one that shone above all others, clear about Fa principles, with a high level of understanding.
Master said in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles,"
"You have grown used to focusing on other people's shortcomings, and never take examining your own self seriously. When others' cultivation one day meets with success, what about you? Isn't Master hoping that you are cultivating well? Why won't you accept criticism, and why do you keep focusing on other people? Why not cultivate inward and examine your own self?"
Gradually I realized my problems. I was afraid I would be victimized by fellow practitioners' admiration. I was afraid that if my shortcomings in cultivation were revealed, my "perfect image" among practitioners would be damaged, and I held grudges against practitioners who did not agree with me during sharing. I wanted fellow practitioners to treat me as the center. My mind-set had shifted from inferiority to superiority, lacking rationality in cultivation, and I had a strong attachment to validating myself in group sharing. With that understanding, I started restraining and eliminating these negative elements that stood in the way of collective improvement.
In my sharing with fellow practitioners, I felt I improved too. While fellow practitioners were transcending in the midst of saving sentient beings with their righteous thoughts and righteous actions, all of my inadequacies were exposed. I saw my own shortcomings. It was not that I was helping others. Dafa disciples were helping one another and improving together through sharing their experiences.
One day, as I was memorizing "Hong Yin" II, I suddenly realized a deep Fa principle in doing coordination work. My wisdom is required by Fa-rectification. It is a requirement for the local Fa-rectification. It is Master's arrangement, by which I should lead fellow practitioners to improve together. I should not fail in that responsibility! It's not that I am doing something for the Fa, but rather it is what the Fa needs me to do. The Fa principles that I have enlightened to are only a tiny bit of the boundless Dafa, and there's nothing to be self-complacent about, or proud of. I shouldn't feel superior to others because of that. Master will not look at how many people I have helped improve. He will look at how I think while doing coordination work. Fellow practitioners improved not because of my work or my pursuit. It was Master's work. I am so tiny and insignificant in the midst of the boundless Dafa. At this moment, my heart is filled with gratitude for Master's enormous compassion, and I am grateful to Master for giving me wisdom and the honor of helping my fellow practitioners!