Conflicts Often Come from One's Own Heart

(Clearwisdom.net) I recently moved from China to a city in North America where there were neither Falun Gong practitioners nor a practice site.

I immediately knew the reason why it was arranged for me to come to this city and the important mission I carried. Teacher said,

"Most recently, students have trickled in from China one after another. [To those students I'd say this:] You should try your best to communicate more with non-mainland students, open up more, and by way of discussion clean yourself up. The way people go about life outside of China is the normal way for human beings to be, at least in modern times." ("Fa Teaching at the U.S. Capital")

I quickly found a fellow practitioner in a nearby city on the Falun Dafa website and explained my situation to her. She kindly mailed a package of truth-clarification materials to me. I made many photocopies and distributed them in local stores and supermarkets. From time to time I called her for some advice on how better to clarify the truth about Falun Gong to westerners, and she kindly obliged each time I called.

After a while, I tried to contact her again, but either no one answered the phone or the call was picked up by her fax machine or voice mail. I went to the website again to find other contacts in her city in order to inquire after her. One of them told me they knew nothing about her whereabouts, and the other hung up before I finished what I had to say.

I felt disappointed, rejected and morose. I remembered the harsh environment in China. Finally, I managed to get out of China and I longed to exchange cultivation experiences with fellow practitioners here. Before I left China, many fellow practitioners bestowed me with envy and told me repeatedly to keep in contact with practitioners there and to find time to exchange cultivation experiences often. I never expected to be given the cold shoulder here. For days I felt very sad, as though something was stuck in my chest. Sometimes I even felt difficulty breathing. I knew this must be a xinxing test. There must be some attachment I need to forgo.

Finally, I sat down and began to reflect upon myself. I realized that I have a strong attachment to dependence. When I faced a problem, I tended to look for practitioners' help to analyze it. I am also very lazy. I enjoy chit-chatting, and often failed to cultivate my speech when I spoke. I was aware of these attachments, but I felt others here should not have ignored me. I felt it was unfair. I remembered how well my fellow practitioners in China and I had gotten along and how we had helped and cared for one another. My face burned with tears. I suddenly regretted leaving China.

I contacted another practitioner listed on the website because I needed a new version of truth-clarification materials and signs. He promised to send me the materials, but that evening he called back and said he couldn't do so. During the conversation, he avoided some "sensitive words" and explained that Chinese Communist Party agents might be listening to the phone conversation via satellite. After a few days, I learned from another practitioner that he suspected I might be a spy sent by the CCP and that was the reason why he refused to work with me. I suddenly felt very isolated.

I decided that there must be some loophole in my cultivation practice. For a long time I failed to eliminate my many secular attachments. Because of the sluggish improvement of my xinxing, the evil beings from other dimensions must have exploited my loophole and created distrust between fellow practitioners and me. On the surface the fellow practitioners were at fault for isolating me, but the root cause was that I tended to look outward when facing problems. I blamed the problems on my fellow practitioners. I was also belligerent. I didn't conduct myself as a genuine practitioner or put myself in other people's shoes. Instead, I tended to judge other people from a selfish perspective. Teacher expects us to become enlightened beings and attain selflessness and altruism. After all, the lives in the future new universe must be altruistic. I must be enormously forgiving and generous as a Falun Gong practitioner. I must not become emotional because of anyone's comments or behavior. I must not allow the evil plot to estrange my fellow practitioners from me. I decided that I shall persevere in my faith in Teacher and the Fa and to follow Teacher's Fa:

"[...] just by remaining unmoved you could handle all situations." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2005 Canada Fa Conference")

We practitioners are Teacher's disciples; we form one-body. I should look upon conflicts as opportunities to upgrade my xinxing. I should try to understand and forgive my fellow practitioners with a big heart. It is my top priority to clarify the truth about Falun Gong and to save sentient beings. I shouldn't be bothered by things that are trivial. Besides, we have come to this secular world together for the sake of assisting Teacher in His Fa-rectification, so I must cherish the predestined relationship between us.

I then felt the suppressing matter in my chest disappear and I felt light-hearted again. I was soon told the practitioner I had not been able to reach was on an overseas business trip and that was the reason why no one had answered my phone calls. Soon, I reached a western practitioner in a nearby city, who mailed all the truth-clarification materials and Falun Gong fliers to me quickly. He even offered to help with the free Falun Gong workshop I planned to host in my city and with a truth-clarification activity on the street. Never had I reached a better understanding on the meaning of "upgrading xinxing." When I upgraded my xinxing, everything changed. Everything in human society is illusion. I must not be caught by the illusion I see with my own eyes. When a conflict arises, it is time for me to upgrade my xinxing and to search within for the root cause.