Improving Myself by Looking Within and Offering More Sentient Beings Salvation
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings to revered Master and fellow practitioners!
I am fortunate to have become one of revered Master's disciples. I have stayed the course on my cultivation path in Dafa for eleven years, which brings me the greatest happiness. During these nine years, I was subjected to the same persecution as tens of thousands of other Dafa practitioners, but I have steadfastly continued on this journey of returning to my true self.
The following is a part of my cultivation experience:
1. Develop a heart of compassion through cultivation, offer salvation to close relatives
Soon after the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started the persecution of Falun Gong on July 20, 1999, I stepped forward to validate the Fa. I "clarified the facts" about Falun Gong in different ways and went to Beijing four times. At that time, I only knew that Dafa was good, but my understanding of the Fa principles was not quite clear; I had not harmonized well with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I did not know how to negate the persecution with my righteous thoughts. So, a few years ago, I cultivated while acknowledging the persecution, and lost my job. I was illegally arrested and suffered inhumane treatment in a detention center, mental hospital and forced labor camp.
I had a family that everybody admired, and my work performance was excellent. My husband and relatives had good positions in society. They were factory directors, managers, and cadres at different levels. I used to be somebody that they were proud of.
But all of a sudden, I was subjected to a great many tribulations. They could not accept this fact, thinking that my cultivation in Dafa had caused all this trouble for me. They misunderstood the true situation and were angry at me. They were disrespectful to Master and Dafa, and they even cooperated with the authorities in persecuting me. I was forced into a mental hospital. In March 2003, I had to stay away from home to avoid the persecution. I was arrested again on May 22, 2003, and sentenced to three years of forced labor. My family did not actively try to rescue me, and even hoped that I would be detained for a longer time.
After I was released, somebody reported me to the police and I had to stay away from home again. My husband complained that I did not want to work, and my parents blamed me for not considering my family. No relatives dared to let me stay in their homes. Even in such circumstances, I did not forget my responsibility as a Dafa practitioner and tried hard to clarify the facts to them. However, they were duped by the CCP's lies and refused to listen. They even beat and swore at me. My self-esteem was seriously damaged. Even though I knew that I should be compassionate, I could not manage it and harbored resentment toward them.
I remember one Mid-Autumn Festival when I wanted to use it as an opportunity to clarify the facts to my family. I went to my parents' home with my daughter. The whole family was pleased to see us. My mother made a sumptuous dinner. But I was upset to see them and worked very hard to make myself sit still for 30 minutes. I excused myself as soon as I could. I could not endure it whenever I thought of their negative attitude toward Dafa. But I regretted leaving my parents' home. I thought of how they truly wanted their daughter to be happy. So why wasn't I considerate of them? I did not know how to make them understand the truth. I thought about how they had helped the CCP to persecute me but failed to realize that they were also victims.
On the eve of the 2004 Chinese New Year, our relatives planned to get together to celebrate. They invited my whole family to attend. I thought it was a good opportunity to help offer them salvation. I had not been with them since 1999, and it was the first time in a long time we had all been together. More than 30 of us had a joyous time. I made myself be calm and do well. They were hospitable to me, but I sensed they were distant and did not understand me. A sense of inferiority popped up. I thought, "I have been incarcerated in a detention center and a forced labor camp, and I am penniless now. It is like heaven and earth when comparing myself with previous years." Would they listen to me if I clarified the facts to them? I had no idea what to say or do. After a while, I started to warm up to them again. My mind became calmer. Looking at myself, I found that I still had an attachment to "self," and I had not let go of my vanity, so I could not validate the Fa.
With constant Fa study and cultivation, my attachments have been continuously removed. I now actively take the initiative to contact my relatives and friends. I came to some good understandings from studying Master's new article "Let Go of Human Attachments and Save the World's People" published in 2004, which stated that Fa-rectification has progressed to a new phase and it is urgent to save sentient beings. I started to let go of my human notions and integrated clarifying the facts face-to-face into my everyday life.
"Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy." ("Rationality" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
In September 2006, I returned to my parents' home and told my family members that school vacation was near. I wanted to take photos of them for my children. I asked them to find a place with mountains and water, and it would be great if it was a place far from home, (I was still wanted at the time, and was afraid of being arrested). It was the first time that I had made such a request in years, so my family members were very happy and arranged to go to a distant mountain resort. Thirty-seven members of our family, young and old, went there in seven cars. I disintegrated any evil interference with my righteous thoughts, let go of my attachments, and offered salvation to my relatives with wisdom. It turned out to be a worthwhile endeavor.
I clarified the facts to my relatives' children while taking photos for them and helped them quit the Chinese Communist Party and its youth organizations. Each of them received a truth-clarification amulet.
After a while, it rained. I entered a room to clarify the facts to several adult members of our big family. It was the first time that they had seen me in years, and they all knew about the persecution I had suffered. One of them hugged me and cried. Another said to me in tears, "I have known that you are all good people." The atmosphere among us was as harmonious as ever.
Later, my mother was hospitalized for an operation. My family members did not let me go to the hospital, afraid that the police might find me, but I knew I had to go. Though the police were looking for me, I did not acknowledge the arrangement and negated all interference. I took turns with my family members in taking care of my mother. During this time, I clarified the facts to her and asked her to silently recite "Falun Dafa is good" and told her that my Master would protect her. She lay on the bed, and for the first time, she recited "Falun Dafa is good." She recovered quickly and the doctors said it was a miracle. Several other similar operations had failed. In the process, I exhorted many people whom I had contact with to renounce their memberships in the CCP and its affiliated organizations and helped them do it.
I had been working at a large Dafa materials production site and did not have time to consider employment. Now many small production sites have blossomed. Many other practitioners are now participating in printing materials. I realized that it was time I changed my situation. A fellow practitioner helped me find a job in another city. The improvement in my economic situation eased my family's financial burden.
I originally thought that my doing Fa-validation work was cultivation and had little regard for the feelings of people around me, so my family members did not understand me. Now I understand that there should be no conflict between cultivation and harmonizing the family. Gradually, my husband started to smile again. Especially on this Chinese New Year, my younger brother, my brother-in-law, my husband, and my uncle--whose minds were poisoned the most and were the most stubborn--quit the Party and its affiliated organizations.
2. Letting go of attachments and improving in the Fa; saving people openly and aboveboard
In early 2001, I took on some work at a material production site. We prepared materials not only for our local area but also for nearby cities. I was very busy. With insufficient Fa-study and human notions, I thought that the more work I did, the better. In addition to producing the materials everyday, I also went out to hang up banners and distribute materials. In this way, with less time for Fa-study, I focused on doing things, rather than paying attention to my cultivation.
At that time, a practitioner who had just started to practice was working with me to produce materials. She was brave and smart, so I relied on her a lot. There were many things she did that were not according to the Fa, but I did not handle them correctly. Later, the local coordinator sent her to several other places to work with practitioners. However, she was arrested and became an agent for the police. She reported almost all the information she had to the police. The police were looking for us practitioners everywhere, but we were not aware of her relationship with the police.
Once another practitioner had brought her to our group Fa-study site. She therefore knew my home address, and the police started to follow me. One morning, right after my husband left, the police came. I did not have time to get out, so I locked the door from inside and started to send forth righteous thoughts. They tried to open the door from the outside with keys, but it did not work. The police then climbed up to the window and attempted to break in. My mother-in-law, already in her 80s, absolutely did not allow them to break the window to get in. At that time, the building was surrounded by police cars. During all this, I kept sending forth righteous thoughts. The stand0off lasted for more than 10 hours. By 8:00 p.m., many people had gathered and were watching. The police blocked the road. Later, they called several trucks from the fire department. Six firefighters broke in through the window and opened the door from the inside. More than 20 police officers came rushing in. Six government agencies were involved in this incident, including people from the provincial and city police department, the district police department, local police station, fire department, and residential committee.
I kept sending forth righteous thoughts, asking Master to help me. I absolutely did not acknowledge this persecution and refused to yield. After barging in, police officers and other government personnel searched around and reminded each other, "Search the balcony," "Search the bag," "Look under the bed," "Turn the bed upside down and search," "Check the closet." As I heard these voices, I kept sending forth righteous thoughts. The police search was indeed in vain. With Master's help, they could not find me although they searched for a long time. They were talking with each other, "The building was guarded the whole day today, how could this person disappear?" These people (more than 20), were busy looking around for more than 20 minutes and messed up my home. In the end, they stole a watch that was worth about 10,000 yuan, as well as some cash. They also took away Master's picture and some Dafa books. My mother-in-law was so frightened that she had to lie down on the couch.
It was very important to walk away from such fear, strengthen my righteous thoughts, and improve on the Fa. I was thinking about the reasons behind this and the loopholes we had, both as one body and as individuals. We need to disintegrate such omissions and walk our paths well in the future. After continuous Fa-study and looking within, I had the following understandings.
From the perspective of one body, I think practitioners working at these information materials production sites must have a solid cultivation foundation. This is indeed very serious. Taking the new practitioner mentioned above as one example, she had not practiced for very long, but because of her passion and intelligence, we encouraged her to work at the production site. When we noticed that she was not following the Fa, we did not point it out, because we were only thinking of her good technical skills. Later, the local coordinator even assigned her to other areas. As a result, several dozen practitioners were arrested, several material production sites were damaged, and two practitioners were tortured to death. Practitioners are still being detained, all because of her. Looking back, we gave consideration to our work at the materials production site and made arrangements based on skills, while forgetting that we are cultivating.
As an individual, I relied too much on others and this also manifested in my cultivation. I did not realize that this was a strong attachment. Another attachment is zealotry: I am working at the materials production site while many practitioners have not stepped forward yet. One other attachment--which I had not realized yet at that time--was going to extremes: I did not have enough energy to take care of things for my family even as I thought I was able to let go of many things. Because of this, my family members could not understand me.
After discovering these, I felt much better and knew how to cultivate again. Since then, I have gradually let go of many attachments, especially the attachment of fear.
3. Letting go of human notions and saving people
Ever since changing jobs and coming to this city, I have been thinking about how to save sentient beings in this environment.
One day at the dining table, the CEO of my company mentioned that I was a practitioner. I thought that this was not accidental. Therefore, I started to clarify the facts to my colleagues and asked them to quit the Party and its associated organizations. After I explained the facts to a manager, she agreed and told her sister as well as her parents and husband about this. They all agreed to quit the Party and associated organizations. Later, she brought her son to me so that I could clarify the truth to him, and her son also quit the Party. I knew Master was encouraging me. Gradually, all the employees in the company--more than 30 of them--as well as some of their family members agreed to quit the Party and its associated organizations.
After that, I took a step further and clarified the facts to people outside of my company. Because of complicated relationships between my company, our clients, and suppliers in term of business and debts, there was some difficulty. At that time, I had strong human notions and was afraid someone would report me to the police. Thinking about it further, however, I realized that following Master's words is the most secure way, and handling everything with righteous thoughts is the most secure way.
Since then, I have tried to build healthy relationships with them, instead of continuing those conflicts. After hearing me clarify the facts, one person agreed with Dafa and she even brought her family members to the workplace so that they could learn the truth. She also invited me to her relatives' homes to clarify the facts. In this way, more than 10 of her relatives and friends agreed to quit the Party and its affiliated organizations.
In early 2008, our business expanded and 60 more people were hired. I made good use of these opportunities to clarify the facts to them. All of them agreed to quit the Party and its youth organizations.
Still, I was upset when looking at these new employees: they were young people who did not have much experience and they were messing things up around them. After finding my attachment, I calmed down and discovered an interesting phenomenon: these people came to this place, agreed to quit the Party and its youth organizations, and then they were laid off. New people were then hired. Wasn't this creating opportunities for me to clarify the facts? After beginning to understand things based on the Fa, everything changed. I was no longer upset when I saw them. Right now, people are still coming in and out. I will do my best to clarify the facts to them so that they can quit the Party.
Right now, everyone in my company and those around me know I am a Falun Gong practitioner. Recently, a friend saw someone who was going to destroy some Falun Gong informational material. He stopped the person and brought the materials to me, "I have read these before. I did not allow that person to destroy them because they may be useful to you." With more people gradually knowing that I am a practitioner, I actually have fewer and fewer attachments to fear.
I used to think that everyday work delays our efforts to clarify the facts. Now I realize that it was a human notion. As long as one puts one's heart on the Fa, every situation is a good opportunity to clarify the facts. A work environment is also a good place to validate the Fa. I will make good use of these opportunities, truly follow Master's words, constantly let go of my human notions, and continue to save more people.
(1) Amulets -- In China, practitioners sometimes clarify the truth by giving people something small to wear or cherish, bearing a few words reminding them of the goodness of Dafa.