Looking Inward and Being Considerate of Other Practitioners
(Clearwisdom.net) I finally regained contact with practitioners A and B after six years, but I found that they did not fully trust me. Although I knew that was the work of the old forces who tried to separate us, I developed a human mindset about it. I thought that they did not understand the Fa from within the Fa, especially when Practitioner B refused to meet with me. In our meeting, Practitioner A pointed out many of my shortcomings. I kept telling myself to follow Master's words and look inward. I had to send righteous thoughts to calm down. I started looking inward to see if I hadn't cultivated well and been the cause of their distrustful feelings.
After the meeting, I went home and continued studying the Fa and looking inward. I found that I was not open to criticism or others' opinions and I was attached to showing off and fighting. I felt sorry about the discomfort I had caused the other practitioners. My poor cultivation put pressure on them. But I also realized that, even though we may have many human notions and attachments, the old forces are not worthy of meddling with us. We have Master and the Fa. We will be rectified by the Fa. We will not acknowledge the old forces' attempts to cause divisions among us. I sent righteous thoughts to disintegrate my human mindset and attachments, as well as to strengthen the righteous thoughts of the other practitioners, and to disintegrate all evil elements that tried to separate us.
When I met Practitioner A again, we started talking about how to cooperate to do the three things. We cooperated well initially. But after the Olympics when I met with her, Practitioner A told me that she suspected me of being a spy. I knew that I was facing yet another test. I asked her to explain her viewpoint. I felt confident. I did not focus on her attachment to fear. I clearly told her that we should not be separated by the old forces, that our current situation was not right, and that both of us should look inward.
After I got home, my heart was disturbed by the mistrust Practitioner A had shown me. I was so angry that I did not want to have anything to do with her anymore. But at the same time I knew that if I did that, it would be irresponsible to the Fa, to fellow practitioners, and to myself. I had encountered a similar situation before. During that period, I was controlled by my human notions and could not remove my attachment to fear while validating the Fa. It was a painful experience. Mercifully, Master guided me out of that state. Why couldn't I forgive my fellow practitioner? Didn't I say that we should not be separated by the old forces? Were those just words? I should not ignore the bitter feelings of my fellow practitioners.
I remembered that once, online, I asked a fellow practitioner for the software to break through the Internet blockade. At that time I knew very little about computers. I repeatedly asked how to receive a file. The practitioner patiently explained the procedure to me repeatedly. When I went online the second day, I saw that the practitioner had sent me an email explaining basic computer operations. This experience showed me the power of practitioners as a whole body. I realized that only when I became selfless would I be able to be responsible to the Fa, to practitioners, and to myself; be able to thoroughly dissolve the evil; and do better in saving sentient beings. I was moved to tears by the profoundness and harmonization of the Fa.
I became calm and started looking inward. Why was she suddenly suspicious of me after we had worked so well together? What did I do that was not in line with the Fa? I examined my own actions and found some of my problems. I did not consider what that practitioner could endure. I did not mind my speech. I liked to show off and often told her to do what I thought was right. I had a strong attachment to depending on others. I did not want to learn the computer and always asked her to help me with computer tasks. When she asked me to read the instructions on the Internet, I thought, "She can do it much faster than I can, why doesn't she help me do it." I then realized how selfish I had been. I just assumed that she had the time to help me. I did not realize how much trouble I had caused my fellow practitioners because of my laziness.
I would like to express my sincere appreciation for my fellow practitioners A and B. I thank you for your help, as well as apologize for the trouble that I have caused you. I will study the Fa well and let the Fa rectify me. I believe that we will follow the Fa, look inward, form an indestructible body, dissolve the evil, and save more sentient beings.
This is my personal understanding. I welcome suggestions for improvement from other practitioners. Heshi.
October 21, 2008