(Clearwisdom.net) I am a practitioner who has cultivated in Dafa for nine years. Before my cultivation, I was a person who had a very strong competitive mentality. I did not agree with anyone. Whether I was right or not, I never allowed others to criticize me. At home, I did not allow anyone to overrule me. After I started my cultivation, this competitive and aggressive character has often caused problems for me, not only at home, but also at my workplace.
Master has cautioned us,
"When Dafa disciples make mistakes, they do not like to be criticized. No one can criticize them, and when someone does, it sets them off. When they are right, they don't like others bringing up things they could improve on; when they are wrong, they don't want to be criticized. They get upset as soon as others criticize. The problem is becoming pretty bad." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles," February 25, 2006)
I am just that kind of person that Master mentioned, one who does not listen to anyone's criticism. Especially at home, I often used a commanding tone when talking to my family members. I did not care whether others could accept it or not, or how they might feel about it. I kept acting that way. I treated my husband particularly badly. I always found fault with him. When conflicts occurred, I always tried to find the other's faults, and I always deemed myself right. I did not search within myself and I always stared at the other's shortcomings. I am so far from Master's requirements.
After realizing my shortcomings, now when I look at my family members again, I find that they indeed have many merits and are better than I am in many aspects. Through this searching inward and this comparing, I have found the root cause of my problems. Namely, my "selfishness" has been at play. If I had not had the selfish mentality and if I had always had a compassionate and a peaceful mindset, I guarantee that I would not have had the problems mentioned above. After finding the root cause, I started to take it seriously. In the beginning, I felt a little awkward. I later intentionally made myself slow down when speaking, and I reminded myself that I should let others finish talking first. By doing this, I could talk with my husband in a consulting voice. As a result, the frequency of conflicts in my home has decreased. I have also tackled other conflicts in the same way. Now, I have basically been able to listen to others' criticisms in any situation. My family members have also mentioned that I have changed. However, I still need to continue my effort to improve my xinxing and do even better.
This is just my personal understanding; please point out anything improper.
January 8, 2008
