Re-examining My Mindset and Starting Anew
(Clearwisdom.net) I first got a copy of Zhuan Falun in 2004. After reading through the book, I felt that a lot of my worries had been resolved by the contents and I felt comforted. Then, I was in the state of "an average person hearing the Tao, practicing it on and off." It was not until January 2006 when I looked at the results of my health examination and I suddenly awakened. I made up my mind to become "a wise person hearing the Tao and practicing it diligently."
In the past year I benefited a lot from Dafa. All my illnesses were healed completely. On the other hand, I felt that I had not made considerable breakthroughs in cultivation. After Master's "Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference" was published, it shook and awakened me. Looking back at my cultivation path and looking inward and examining my attitude toward Dafa, I realized that I had a lot of human thoughts toward Dafa.
1. Using Dafa to obtain benefits in human society
I used to think that Dafa can resolve all my worries in daily life and that I would be more open and bright after practicing. Although I had memorized the paragraphs in Zhuan Falun that talk about where we are from and the real purpose of human life, and I knew that we should return to our original true selves, I was addicted to extricating my worries, keeping fit and young, and obtaining good fortune. I took my obtaining the Fa as getting benefits from human society. With this selfishness in mind, I could not concentrate when reciting the Fa. As a result, I have not yet finished reciting Lecture One. Instead of looking inward, I simply took it as being evil interference.
2. Wishing that Master would straighten out our cultivation environment
When I read the questions of practitioners in "Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference"--"A few Russian students were arrested or detained for clarifying the facts. May we ask how Russian students should change this type of situation and environment?" and "The CCP's persecution of Falun Gong has reached beyond China, and there have been cases of practitioners being repatriated. How should our media handle this?"-- I thought that was the question in my mind as well. I very much hoped that Master would answer that those involved in the persecution outside of China would receive retribution. I hoped that Master would teach them a big lesson so they no longer dared to make trouble for us practitioners.
"Usually wherever there is a problem, that is where Dafa disciples should go to clarify the facts, and do so tenaciously."
I thought, "Oh, but it is so difficult to achieve."
I was very happy when I read the part where Master said,
"It is not due to their religions that they are kept from learning the truth, but rather, it's that factors from the meddling deities of those religions are having a negative effect. Right now the factors in that category are becoming fewer and fewer; increasingly more of them are being destroyed. Great changes will gradually come about. Just wait and see."
Master also said,
"Looking at the situation today, it is clear that very soon the rotten demons of the wicked Party won't be able to control each of the different governments anymore. With the massive annihilation of evil now taking place, the evil's ability to control human beings is rapidly diminishing."
I then developed complacency and thought, "Wow, Master is so powerful! Thank you Master for making our cultivation environment better and better."
I hated the human thoughts that developed as I read Master's new lecture. My attitude toward Master was like the one my child has toward me: "Mom, what delicious meal will you cook tonight?" It's like a child expecting its parents to do everything for it so as to live a comfortable life. What a big attachment to self! Without eliminating this selfishness that is deeply rooted in my mind, how can I assist Master in the Fa-rectification and how can I deserve to be a Dafa disciple?
3. Validating myself instead of Dafa
When I clarified the facts to my colleagues, friends inside and outside of China, and the Chinese scholars visiting Japan, I developed zealotry when the results were good. Otherwise, I thought that the audience was too stubborn to accept the facts. At the end of last year, when I emailed my friends outside of China my article to be published on the Epoch Times website, to clarify the facts, they were very surprised. One of them replied to my email with sarcastic words; the others tried to persuade me to change my opinion. Although I realized that was caused by my showing off mentality and zealotry, in my mind I complained that my friends remained stubborn despite living outside of China.
"You know, in cultivation the most prominent sign that a person still harbors human attachments is his doing things that are not to validate Dafa but instead to validate himself! That is playing a destructive role." ("Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference")
Not until I read this new lecture did I realize that I sometimes did not validate Dafa but instead my own capability, and that this played a destructive role.
I re-examined my mindset toward Dafa and found many human attachments. I made up my mind to start anew in my cultivation.
When I was writing this article, a Chinese colleague of mine who just returned from a business trip to China called me and asked, "What is the meaning of truthfulness in 'Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance', and the meaning of 'returning to one's original true self'? Why do Falun Gong practitioners in China rather sacrifice their lives than renouncing Falun Gong?" I read related parts in Zhuan Falun to him, and explained my understanding to answer his questions. He was glad and said that he now understood a lot more. Right after we finished our telephone conversation, another Chinese colleague visited me and asked how she could get a copy of Zhuan Falun. I handed her a book, she then said she also needed a copy in Japanese, as two Korean friends of hers who were born in Japan would like to learn as well. When I heard this, I could not hold back my tears. Once I truly let go of human attachments, the gap between sentient beings and Dafa is reduced, and those with predestined relationships take the initiative and come to me. If we do not let go of our human thoughts, it will form a barrier between sentient beings and Dafa and prevent them from obtaining the Fa.