My Path of Return
(Clearwisdom.net) I give my respects to our Teacher and to my fellow practitioners.
The path that Teacher has arranged for us is a bright and broad one. During the past 10 years, I have walked through and endured the brutal persecution of Falun Dafa. I have experienced much and what I have written here is just a tiny portion. No matter how much I say, it can never be enough to express my gratitude for Teacher's saving grace. Only by being more and more diligent in cultivation and by doing the Three Things well can I repay our great Teacher!
Obtaining the Fa through predestined relationship
I was fortunate enough to obtain the Fa in 1996 on an occasion that seemed to be accidental. It was a summer morning that was filled with sunshine. I saw a flag embroidered with a Falun emblem hanging under a big tree. Nearby, a group of people were doing the exercises. The very peaceful music and the graceful movements attracted me right away and the Falun emblem especially elicited a very profound feeling in me. I joined that group of people and from then on, I embarked on the path of following Teacher to rectify the Fa and save sentient beings.
On the next day when I went to the practice site, I obtained the book Zhuan Falun. As a matter of fact, they ordered only a certain number of books and they handed them all out so they had only one more book left. The assistant said to me jokingly, "This book is meant for you." After I got home and I began to read the book, I found it to be a great and precious book, so I spent most of my time reading it.
At that time, I also respected another so-called "Buddha" at home and when I was reading the book attentively, low-level spirits came out to interfere with me. They made my head ache as if it were split open. At night, the light I used to read by had a short-circuit and the current made a surprisingly loud noise as if it were a bomb. No matter what kind of interference I encountered, I just couldn't stop reading the book.
It took me an entire day and a night to finish reading Zhuan Falun, and I came to understand many principles, the truth of life, and the purpose for why I am a human being. I had been struggling with my life in the human world and I had found hope . A voice shouted out from the bottom of my heart, "This is what I want! This is what I want!"
Before I began to practice Falun Gong, I had many illnesses just like many other people. One of my conditions made it impossible for me to stand steadily or sit well. I also had other illness and, as a result, I lived in agony. The third day after I began to practice, Teacher cleaned up my body as well as my home environment. Teacher gave me the hope that I could carry on with my life--a new life.
After that, I told my relatives, friends, and coworkers about the wonderfulness and sacredness of Dafa as well as my joy of being illness-free. Every day I studied the Fa and did the exercises because Teacher said in Zhuan Falun, "because you have learned qigong, you always like to practice it." I was very busy because I also cultivated my xinxing. I also copied the Fa and participated in activities to spread the Fa. I felt very fulfilled because I had the Fa in my heart. When my husband saw the positive changes in me, he began to practice in the beginning of 1999.
I am firm in my mind that the Fa is righteous
When I wholeheartedly devoted myself to Dafa cultivation, I was happy that I was immersed in the great saving grace of our benevolent Teacher. I truly felt that the Buddha light illuminated the human world. Then, suddenly, the evil began to attack Dafa and Teacher. Voices that defamed Dafa appeared on every corner and I became lost and confused. However, I always held this firm thought in my mind, "Teacher is innocent and Dafa is righteous."
We know well what we have truly done and experienced. So I figured that I should not just do nothing. I should to go to a place where I could reason things out with people. Therefore, I went with another practitioner to Beijing. At that time, I did not study the Fa enough, and I completely used human theories and notions to validate the Fa. I felt that because I had let go of life and death I would not be afraid of death so I ended up being arrested and my home was ransacked. I was illegally detained, and I passively endured the old forces' persecution.
In 2000, the persecution escalated and the world's people were deceived more and more. After my husband went to Beijing to validate the Fa, I went out and distributed truth-clarification materials, flyers, and notes in large quantities. I had only one wish in my mind, which was that I would validate the Fa in my immediate environment and I was not worried about how my husband was doing in Beijing at all.
Later on, he was arrested and sentenced to four and a half years. Then sent him to Tiebei Prison. Later while I was validating the Fa, I often went to the prison to visit him. When I met with him, I didn't think about bringing him any food or money but rather, to encourage him with my understandings from the Fa, as I knew what he needed most. I had the same experience as he when I was in illegal detention, and I remembered that I yearned for Dafa books. Practitioners can't leave the Fa because that's what our lives are meant for. Therefore, I brought him Teacher's new articles in secret and I also used a small-sized diary to copy Zhuan Falun for him. At first I brought him the first two chapters, then I brought him chapters three and four the next time. Although I had hand-copied it, it brought great encouragement to fellow practitioners and they passed it around among themselves and copied it again.
For those fellow practitioners who were amidst tribulations, they were more and more steadfast in cultivating Dafa and their righteous faith was as strong as diamond. Unexpectedly, my little hand-written diary enabled a criminal inmate to obtain the Fa even under such a harsh environment. He appeared to be very steadfast and because he practiced Falun Gong, he was put in solitary confinement. My husband wrote a letter to me that said that fellow practitioners considered me a great practitioner because I delivered to them those precious dairies, which helped firm up their belief in Dafa.
Suddenly my attachment to zealotry appeared and I copied the rest of the chapters in three diaries and sent them in all at once. The guards ended up finding them and they deprived me of my visitation rights and they also took me to the interrogation division to interrogate me. I was not afraid and I had benevolent thoughts in my mind. I looked straight at them and I told them about the wonderfulness of Dafa. I also told them clearly that I had not committed any crime.
The divisional manager walked back and forth. Eventually he ran out of words and didn't know what to say. The warden who had brought me to his office took advantage of the gap of time when the divisional manager was out of the room and began to flip through the diary. I was glad that he had introduced kindness into his life. Later, the divisional manager said to me, "If I were to make a phone call, you would have been easily arrested. What you did is good enough for that. Now I am not going to do that but you can't visit your husband any more." My heart was full of compassion and the power of compassion and righteousness subdued his evil side.
Attachments made me fall
Time flies and so does the Fa-rectification process. At that time I had a busy schedule and I had to deal with household things and increased mental pressure. I developed the expectation that Fa-rectification was about to end. This expectation formed an attachment within me and I didn't get rid of it in a timely fashion, but instead, I let it grow and it gained momentum as a result. On the path of my cultivation, I began to slack off in terms of clarifying the truth and I went from doing it actively to doing it passively.
Throughout time, from spring to summer, from autumn to winter, year after year, day after day, everything stays the same, and people carry on their lives in the same away. I began to lose my confidence and I felt that the Fa-rectification had no ending. My will weakened, and my steps on my path home went from being fast-paced to slow-paced. I used to take big steps but started taking smaller steps. I stopped passing Teacher's new articles to my husband and also had no words of encouragement from my understandings of the Fa. At home, I began to pursue material comfort and I began to lead an ordinary person's life. Gradually, I forgot that I was a practitioner.
Even though I wasn't diligent at all, Teacher still didn't give up on me. He used a fellow practitioner to guide me and help me, but I didn't want to listen. A young practitioner came to my home a few times to persuade me, "Please come back to Dafa, and follow the Fa-rectification process." I didn't want to listen and I tried to find excuses.
Later on, he became more serious and he talked to me from the standpoint of Dafa. He pointed out my attachments and where I fell short. He sounded very strict and he covered all of my key shortcomings. I became suddenly dumbfounded and then I realized that this was Teacher waking me up with a heavy hammer. "The interminable snowfall and rain are the tears of gods, Who look longingly for the plum blossoms' return" ("Plum Blossoms" in Hong Yin II). This was a manifestation of such great and grand benevolence. Looking at Teacher's portrait, I repented, "Teacher, I did something wrong and I almost went on a path towards destruction. I will never forget your saving grace."
Returning to the right path, rectifying myself, doing the Three Things well
Thinking back on what I had not done during the previous year, I felt so regretful. I couldn't slack off any more, so I should do the Three Things well again to make up for the loss. I should not be attached to time again and I should cherish every day on the path of cultivation. I should not let these memories linger in my dimensional field.
I began to study the Fa very seriously. I went through all of Teacher's new articles after 1999 and read them word for word two times. The Fa's principles unfolded in front of me one after another and I felt as though I was coming back to the Fa-rectification and it felt as if Teacher was pushing me forward cross-dimensionally in a very rapid manner.
First of all, I rectified my every thought and action because that is a reflection of my day-to-day life. Among relatives, friends, neighbors, every greeting and every smile, I pay attention to whether I have compassion in my heart or if my tone is kind enough. I regarded this as the state that a cultivator should have. In the eyes of today's money-orientated and worldly people, our practitioners' words and actions represent the image of Dafa. If we do well, people will think that we are trustworthy and kind. When we clarify the truth to them, we will not have any barriers. In other words, they would be more willing to listen to us. Also, they will turn a blind eye to the evil Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) fabricated propaganda. Our demeanor is a living example, so if we don't do well, they will see it and they will be pushed away from us.
Fellow practitioner A and I work as a team--we go out every day to clarify the truth and hand out materials to fulfill our historic mission. We also reestablished a Fa-study group and we share and improve together. When sharing with other practitioners, I have seen my shortcomings and where I fell short. Fellow practitioners' righteous thoughts and actions made me see my shortcomings and I often blamed myself for behaving so poorly. Every one of us is a practitioner and we all cultivate in the same Dafa, so when we do the Three Things, we should work together.
One time when I was clarifying the truth, we met a woman who had a vendor's booth and did not know that she was a fellow practitioner as well until we clarified the truth to her. So we stopped in front of her booth and clarified the truth to pedestrians. We also ran into an older practitioner who said that she never clarified the truth to anyone, but after seeing us clarify the truth, she then joined us. The four of us teamed up and formed an indestructible body. The power of the one body demonstrated its miraculous power. The evil madly attempts to separate us from one another because they are very afraid of us becoming one body. Teacher has said to us before that we should elevate as a whole and improve as a whole. Therefore, among our practitioners, we need to cooperate with each other and understand each other better, which is not easy. As long as we do not put ourselves first but rather, put others first and always think of others first, we can be more tolerant towards each other.
Today, with the moral standard so low, we don't know how many lives are to be saved. Teacher has imparted to us the universal law and has granted us with full supernatural abilities. We can't let down sentient beings' expectations of us and we should do well the Three Things. No matter where we go, we need to clarify the truth and help people understand that Dafa is wonderful. Sentient beings are eagerly waiting for us. One day, an old lady sat by the roadside with a few green onions lying on the ground. When I passed by her, she said in a soft voice, "Do you want to buy?" I turned my head and was shocked, because she was looking my way with hope and had tears in her eyes. Her face manifested her rich life experiences. After we came back to her and clarified the truth, we told her, "Falun Dafa is wonderful and 'Truth, Compassion, Forbearance' is wonderful," and she hurriedly thanked us. As we have clarified the truth to people, we have run into so many people like her. The way she looked at us made me feel sad--some people seem to just to wait for us. It is Teacher who has introduced those people with predestined relationships to us and has us save them.
Sometimes when my truth clarification went well, I always thought about what I said and was cheered by that. Actually, there is nothing to feel happy about, as it is the universal law and Teacher that truly save people. Therefore, the prerequisite for us to clarify the truth is to study the Fa well because studying the Fa is the foundation. When we study the Fa diligently, our foundation is solid and nobody can shake us. When we clarify the truth, we can do it well.
Following Teacher to rectify the Fa and saving sentient beings are our great mission
With the progress of Fa-rectification, the truth-clarification materials printing centers in each household play a key role in saving sentient beings. Each step that we should be doing is arranged by Teacher and is also a Fa-rectification requirement.
There was an unexpected thing that happened in our area. The computer and another machine that was used for producing truth-clarification materials were transferred to me. I related it to the fact that Fa-rectification had pushed me up to this stage, so I had to improve myself to follow the Fa-rectification process. As a result, I began to learn how to produce truth-clarification materials. The process of learning how to produce these materials is also a great process in the cultivation of one's xinxing. During this process, I encountered many setbacks and many attachments were exposed. Every time I couldn't break away from my attachments, Teacher was always there to help me. Teacher has been with us the whole time protecting us. Every trial and tribulation that Teacher has arranged for us does not exceed what we can endure. So as long as we improve our xinxing, we should be able to pass the trial.
I had had no experience with computers, and since I couldn't get in touch with practitioners who knew about computers, I was stuck with a problem for a while. With Teacher's help, unexpectedly, I could figure out some things by myself, which I found amazing. Later, I got in touch with practitioners who understand technical things and they gave me a great deal of help, support, trust, and encouragement. I appreciated their help from the bottom of my heart, and I also appreciated them for giving me a hand on my cultivation path. When I first saw the truth-clarification materials that I had successfully produced on my own, I couldn't help but feel very happy and proud of myself and felt that I had a good head on my shoulders. This is a wrong mindset because without Teacher and without Dafa, what could I possibly do?
There were many miracles that manifested during the process of my producing materials. Once time when I was printing copies of "Minghui Weekly", the cartridge was out of toner so I took it out, filled it with toner, and then tried to put it back. I couldn't do it, so I took a look to see what was going on inside the cartridge. I discovered that an important part had fallen off. To this day, I have no clue what that part is, but I tried to put it back. Since I had no clue how to make it work, I wasn't successful. I was puzzled and wondered about what I should do. I hadn't finished printing the Minghui Weekly and was very worried. As I held the part, I thought to myself, "Teacher, what should I do?" Right then I heard a "click," and that part was put back in properly.
There were many other amazing incidents. A person like me has never studied or received any training on computers and now I can print elegant materials. How can it be possible? Isn't it Teacher who does everything behind the scenes? On the surface, we are doing it.
My attachment of jealousy popped up when I was printing materials. A practitioner who understands technical skills taught a new practitioner how to print materials. She taught her very diligently and watched the new practitioner until she fully got the hang of it. This disturbed me because my jealousy popped up. I thought, "When I was trained, the trainer spent probably about one tenth of the time and effort compared to what she spent on this new practitioner. Also, she didn't wait to see how I was doing it and didn't make sure that I had grasped everything."
I felt unbalanced and I talked to another practitioner about it. I said that I was envious when I saw that this practitioner was being taken care of so well during the training process. The fellow practitioner said, "You are in a better situation. You have had Teacher train you personally." So many miracles have happened to me. Right away, I was able to figure out something that I had never seen or touched on before. Didn't those miracles happen because Teacher was showing me how to use the computer personally? I should not feel jealous of others. Teacher asks us to walk our own path so why should I be looking at how others are doing?
Of course, there were times when things didn't go well and I felt helpless and became agitated. One time I wasn't able to get a few practitioners to come over to help me. When I was at my wits' end, I could only resort to Teacher. Because of that, fellow practitioners said that I had righteous thoughts. No one knows how much Teacher has done for me and I feel very embarrassed when I think about the aforementioned incident.
I had been printing materials on my own and also living on my own. I started to feel lonely and this feeling made me feel nervous. When I heard footsteps and sounds of doors and windows closing, my heart was moved. It affected me when it came to studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts. As a result, I couldn't calm down. This lasted for a while and I couldn't get out of it.
Then I saw an article on the Clearwisdom website entitled, "Practitioners Who Look After Material Printing Centers are Not Lonely," and it touched me deeply. I thought, "Why should I have that kind of feeling? I have Dafa in my heart and I have Teacher looking after me all the time. I have other practitioners. So how could I feel lonely? This is the old forces' persecution to make me unable to calm my mind while doing the Three Things, so I must eliminate it." For a few days, I had been sending righteous thoughts non-stop to eliminate those evil factors and to cleanse my dimensional field. After I eliminated these obstacles, my mind became very tranquil and I had no bad thoughts and I was extremely calm. I could put my heart into doing what I needed to do and could do it wholeheartedly. With such a pure mindset, I seldom wasted paper when I printed flyers. I even made use of wrapping paper. I pressed it flat and made it into small posters to save sentient beings.
One time after I left the materials printing center, it was dark and snowing. I was walking in the snow and looked into the sky and saw snowflakes drifting down. They seemed to be lives falling down. I felt very sad and my compassion arose and I thought about our historical mission, about following Teacher to rectify the Fa and to save sentient beings. A strong sense of responsibility suddenly arose and occupied my dimensional field. I realized that it was at that moment that my realm elevated. This feeling has stuck with me for a long time.
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