Believing in Teacher and Dafa, Walking the Path Arranged By Teacher
(Clearwisdom.net) Noticing the call for articles for the Fourth Internet Experience Sharing Conference of Practitioners in China, I knew that I must write about my own experiences. I have always thought that I wasn't good enough and that I had nothing to share. This time, I clearly realized that this was not a righteous thought and that I must eliminate it and record my righteous thoughts and actions during my practice, to leave a witness of validating the Fa.
1. Establishing a Materials Production Site
By the end of 2004, more and more practitioners were coming out to validate the Fa. The materials brought to us by out-of-town practitioners no longer met the needs of local practitioners for clarifying the truth. The Minghui/Clearwisdom website encouraged us to have small materials production sites spread throughout the country. Through sharing with other practitioners, we realized that we all wanted to have a small materials production site. The coordinator encouraged me to buy a small copier for my home and be in charge of producing materials. I was a bit uneasy with the idea and a bit scared, but I soon bought a copier. A practitioner who was in charge of getting information online provided me with the "Minghui Weekly," materials needed for clarifying the truth, Teacher's articles, and the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. I then made copies of everything for local practitioners.
Initially, I was still scared. A week after I bought the machine, a practitioner told me there would be brainwashing sessions held in the city again. I wrapped up the copier and took it to a practitioner's house and produced materials while this practitioner's family was not at home. At the time, the Nine Commentaries had just been released and the demand was high. Simply making copies in the afternoon at that practitioner's home couldn't supply the demand. The coordinator and a practitioner encouraged me to take the copier to my home because it would be safer for me to do the copying there. I had the thought that I must walk the path Teacher had arranged for me and continue making materials. I took the machine home and from then on had more time to make materials. As I made more materials, my attachment to fear gradually disappeared.
2. Eliminating the Attachment to Emotion
The evil very much fears materials production sites during the Fa rectification. Six months into the establishment of our own site, my husband (a practitioner) had an affair. I had never doubted his loyalty because he was a practitioner, and neither of us had dated others before we got married. I had always felt fortunate that we were loyal to each other and none of us would ever have an affair. I couldn't accept the fact that my husband cheated on me and I was crushed as though the sky had fallen on me. I couldn't eat, nor study the Fa calmly, and I was so depressed that I didn't want to make materials any longer. I knelt down in front of Teacher's picture and begged him to tell me what to do. My life was totally miserable.
I gradually pulled myself together and told myself that I must pass this test. I repeatedly studied Teacher's lecture, "Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference,"
"I have answered all of the questions. No matter how much I say, you still have to walk the path of cultivation yourselves. To walk this path well and progress to its end--nothing is more extraordinary. I say that because during the journey you will have hardships, tests of every sort, unforeseen ordeals, and you will have unexpected interference from all kinds of attachments and emotion. The interference will come from family, society, good friends, and even fellow cultivators. And along with this there is interference from changes in the state of human society and from human notions that were formed in society. All of those things can drag you back to being like an ordinary person. But if you can break through all of it, you can advance towards godhood. So as a cultivator, what is truly remarkable is when you can be steadfast and have righteous thoughts so firm that nothing can sway you. Be solid and firm like diamond, or granite, and then nothing can affect you--evil will be afraid at the mere sight of you. If upon encountering trying circumstances your thinking can be truly righteous, then, when faced with the evil's persecution and when faced with interference, just one sentence of yours fortified with steadfast righteous thoughts can instantly make the evil disintegrate (applause), and it will make those who are being used by the evil turn and flee, it will make the evil's persecution of you dissolve, and it will make the evil's interfering with you disappear without a trace. One thought born of righteous faith is all it takes. And whoever can hold firm that righteous thought and go the distance will become a magnificent god forged by Dafa."
Through repeatedly reading this lecture, my righteous thoughts strengthened and my mind calmed down a bit. However, I couldn't totally clear my mind, and I often had bad thoughts. The copier broke and I couldn't fix it very well, so the quality of the materials I made was not good. I knew the evil wanted to interfere with the site. One day I ran into a veteran practitioner whom I hadn't seen for a while, in a stationary store, and he asked me whether I was doing well. I was embarrassed about my situation and only told him that I wanted to quit and go work in the south. He told me, "It's the evil interfering with you, you need to study the Fa. No evil can fight with Teacher and the Fa. Every single word in the Fa can eliminate the evil." His words gave me righteous thoughts. I started to memorize Teacher's Fa and eliminate the evil. The evil wanted to destroy me but I knew I was Teacher's student and I must pass the test, coordinate well with other practitioners, and make the best materials to save sentient beings until the Fa rectifies the human world. I became more clearheaded and relaxed and felt as though a heavy weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I let go of the feelings toward my husband and felt calm. The copier started working again and I had passed the test.
3. Memorizing the Fa Steadfastly and Eliminating Hatred, Attachments to Fame and Gain, and to Fighting
I was a capable person at work. After I started practicing Dafa, my work performance became even better and everyone thought highly of me. I unknowingly formed a strong attachment to fame and personal gain. One day, I dreamed someone wrapped a box with a dead body in it using a comforter and left it on my table. Fluid came out of the corpse and soaked the comforter. I woke up scared and disgusted. At work, the leader wanted me to answer some question sheets from the 610 Office. I remembered that Teacher said, "Wherever there's a problem, that is where you need to clarify the truth and save people."
I asked practitioners to send forth righteous thoughts while I clarified the truth to the leader. The leader still tried to force me to answer the questions, and later these answers were used as an index of everyone's "political view." Most of the practitioners scored low. By the end of the year at the evaluation, the leader listed several rules which opposed Dafa and had several people spread rumors against me. My score was at the bottom in this evaluation. My heart was shaken. I considered myself a hard worker who had a good sales record, and felt that the leader shouldn't have treated me like that. My attachment to fame and gain rose as well as my attachments to hatred and fighting. I was sad and fell into the trap and persecution of the old forces.
I couldn't calm down when I studied the Fa and did the exercises. The minute I meditated, I had thoughts of fighting with the leader. The old forces intensified my thoughts and I felt even more angry. I continued studying the Fa but I could not regain my righteous thoughts. In the end, I didn't validate the Fa very well at work and caused great losses for the Fa. I then had a dream wherein one of my relatives died. As I got close to her, she got up and grabbed my hand tightly and looked at me with her eyes wide open. I remembered to send forth righteous thoughts and she laid down again.
I knew something evil was going on in other dimensions. I decided to eliminate the attachments and the evil. I later read on the Clearwisdom website that many practitioners were memorizing the Fa, and I decided to do the same. Paragraph by paragraph, it took me over ten days to memorize the book Zhuan Falun the first time. I then began a second round. By the eighth round, I no longer needed the book. I continued to memorize it over and over. As of today, I have recited the book 100 times. My attachments of hatred and fighting gradually disappeared during this process. My mind became calm and I could exercise peacefully. My surroundings changed and my personal relationships at work improved again.
4. Strengthening Righteous Thoughts and Eliminating Fear during the Process of Making Materials
After the materials production site had been established, though there was interference, in general everything went smoothly and the production was continuous. As the work progressed, my fear and intimidation was gradually reduced. In late 2005, I bought a computer and learned how to get online and download information. From then on, the materials site became more independent and I no longer needed to get original copies from other practitioners.
In the spring of 2006, the persecution intensified and several practitioners were arrested, imprisoned, or had their houses illegally searched. My fear rose again. One day the police came to search my house and I was caught off guard. They wanted me to turn in Dafa materials and I refused. They asked me when I had bought the computer and whether I downloaded things from the Internet. They found nothing in the computer, thanks to the help of Teacher.
After they left, I wondered why they had come to me. A month before the police came, I had a water leak in my bathroom. I checked but couldn't find where the leak came from. I also dreamed of relatives who passed away and woke up knowing the evil had pretended to be my relative. I realized it wasn't pure in my dimension. I seriously looked inward and was shocked. I had not been sending forth righteous thoughts at midnight. Though I set the alarm I never tried to wake up. I got off work at noon time and sent forth righteous thoughts on my way home, but often was disrupted by other things. I was determined to send forth righteous thoughts at midnight and immediately after I got home from work. At the same time, the leak in my bathroom stopped after a month.
Unfortunately, after this incident, my attachment to fear arose again. I didn't want to turn the light on when I worked at night. When I worked in the morning, I was afraid the police could come and knock on my door again. I knew that this thought wasn't right but couldn't eliminate it. One afternoon, I noticed a policeman following me, and my fear worsened. I went home and was scared to turn on the light. I sat down and continued to send forth righteous thoughts. However, all I could think of was that I didn't want to make materials any longer and I wanted to give the computer and copier to other practitioners. I knew this was what the evil wanted me to think. I frequently sent forth righteous thoughts for a long time after that. I knew that I had promised Teacher in front of his picture that I would continue making materials and guaranteed regular operation of the site until the Fa rectifies the human world. Later, I read an article on Minghui Weekly and I enlightened that the evil had exploited my gap and had caused me to be scared every time I turned on the copier. I targeted this incorrect thought when I sent forth righteous thoughts, and in less than a week this thought disappeared and I was no longer scared. I now can make materials again with a righteous mind.