Cultivating Well Amidst Confusion and Uncertainty
(Clearwisdom.net) I immersed myself in validating the Fa after the persecution began in July 1999, and I was once in prison for over two years. The increased pressure from society and my family, and the fact that I was getting older with each passing year, made me feel lost. I lived by myself away from my family because of my work, so I thought about devoting my life and energy to validating the Fa. There was a period of time when people I worked with often gossiped about me. They would comment that I had no boyfriend in my life, about the wrinkles on my face and my age, which made me very upset. I gradually developed strong human notions and worried about people's conversations.
I was not a social person but I gradually developed more contact with ordinary people in the hopes of finding a suitable husband. Having this mindset to socialize with ordinary people produced a great interference for me. The printer color inks of yellow, blue, and red would not show when I printed, and I could not fix the problem for a very long time. I began to search inside myself. The color yellow signifies lust, blue is sentimentality, and red signifies the show of affection. Furthermore, the essence of a cultivator and an ordinary person is immensely different when looking from a different dimension.
Tears streamed down my face when I uncovered the source of the interference and my own attachments. The statement saying that we are not here for ordinary people's daily work but to return to our true selves echoed in my head. I realized that I must cultivate myself well if I wanted to have good results in validating the Fa. I immediately sent forth righteous thoughts to clear the interference, and I was determined to eradicate my attachments. The printer then went back to normal.
I have no regrets when I look back on my cultivation path, as I did not go to any extreme measures and just followed the course of nature, doing my best along the way. I did meet someone whom I admired before the persecution began, but we lost contact after the start of the persecution. I have been walking the path of Fa-rectification with steady steps. It is not that I do not wish to practice cultivation conforming to the norm of ordinary society, it is that I just have not met the right person. Most of the ordinary people I have met were either gamblers, not very responsible, were lustful or deceitful. I will not marry someone under societal or family pressure, or for the sake of being married, as that will only create a bigger hurdle for my cultivation or even destroy my years of practice. Every decision I make must bear the responsibility of my cultivation, as what is the significance of life if one cannot return to one's true self?
I do not want to be bothered by other people's opinions. I am a practitioner in the Fa-rectification period so I should do whatever I need to do, and utilize favorable conditions to validate the Fa. I will study the Fa diligently, consistently assimilate to the Fa, and follow the course of nature. If something is mine I will not lose it, if it is not mine I will not have it even if I fight for it. I trust that what Teacher prepares for me will certainly be the best and I will have it if I study the Fa well.