Some Thoughts on Changing the State of Not Moving Forward Diligently
(Clearwisdom.net) Since the persecution of Falun Dafa began, I actually have been quite confused about rectifying the Fa. I understood that this period was different from the period of personal cultivation, but I was not very clear on what Fa-rectification really was. Thus, in cultivation I was diligent only from time to time. When Master published a new teaching, I would read it and get focused on cultivation for a little while, but after some time I would become slack again. Intentionally or unintentionally, I would use the persecution as an excuse for slacking, and in my heart I always felt wronged. I was later interfered with by the old forces, and became lost among everyday people, and I could not study the Fa well. After late 2004 when the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party was published, I was interfered with once in a while by the old forces and the evil spirits of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) in the form of sickness karma. This year especially, there have been many lumps growing on my body, and they hurt a lot. I told myself that this is interference from the old forces and the evil spirits of the CCP, and that I must eliminate it, but my will was never very strong. I looked inside, and felt that there were so many attachments. Each one could potentially be the one that was causing this interference, and I did not know which one I needed to eliminate at that time. Thus I could not make an obvious improvements, which led to my sickness karma lasting for a long time. This has even caused more problems for my Fa study. I gradually lost my confidence, though I did know that this mood was wrong. Later, I could not bear the pain and started to take medicine.
During that time it really was very difficult and painful. On one hand I wanted to advance diligently. I saw many articles by fellow practitioners who were progressing diligently, and sometimes I really admired them. How could they cultivate so well? I really hoped that I could be just like them, striving forward courageously and diligently, but I just couldn't do well. On the other hand, I was worried and sad that I had to bear the tribulations that were not supposed to be there, but happened due to my problems in cultivation. I just could not overcome these tribulations.
I was puzzled. I indeed wanted to move forward diligently, and I was also studying the Fa, but why couldn't I be diligent? I didn't know where the problem was. Several days ago the signs of sickness appeared again. I was lost in thinking what to do, "Will I just take medicine like this? Am I cultivating and really shouldn't be doing this? What is my problem?" I asked Master for help in my mind, "Teacher, please help me." Then I went to the Minghui/Clearwisdom website and read practitioners' understanding and discussion about sickness karma. I read two articles. After reading them, I thought about the fellow practitioners' articles, and I suddenly had an understanding about Fa-rectification of my own. It seemed that I had a problem in my point of view towards Fa-rectification. All this time, it seemed that I always wanted Dafa to validate itself to me. When I had the signs of sickness, I would think, "Isn't it right that studying the Fa can help eliminate the sickness karma? Let me study the Fa then." If the sign of sickness disappeared, I would think, "Oh, what's said in Dafa is true." If the sickness karma lasted longer, I would think, "Isn't Dafa supposed to be really powerful? Why does it take so long to eliminate all the sickness karma?" Master taught us in the Fa,
"On a lighter note, young women like to do facials to get fairer and better skin. I'd say that if you truly do a dual practice of nature and longevity you'll naturally get that, and I can guarantee you won't need to do facials." (Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation version)
I intentionally or unintentionally got into an observational attitude and thought about whether it would work or not. It was like I put myself in a position outside Dafa, and tried to see whether Dafa was indeed like what was said within the Fa.
We are in the period of validating the Fa. As a Dafa practitioner in the Fa-rectification period, what we should do, through ourselves, is validate Dafa to the people of the world, and show them the beauty of the practice. We should be the platform for showing Dafa to the people of the world. Therefore how could we ask Dafa to validate itself to us? In the process of cultivation, if an erroneous state appears, we should take the initiative to negate that wrong state, and exclude it from ourselves, while we correct ourselves and let ourselves dissolve into the Fa. We will then be able to help the people of the world see the beauty of Dafa, and let them see that Dafa can indeed do what it claims.
Perhaps because I overlooked this point, I've taken this passive position from time to time in cultivation. I had this gap and it was used by the old forces, which has caused me to be unable to constantly advance with consistency and diligence.
Now that I have realized this erroneous state, I will work on correcting myself. I'll attach more importance to studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and doing the three things well.