(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1998. I had always thought myself to be very diligent in cultivation practice until today. I discovered that I had a big gap with respect to believing in Master and the Fa. Today I wrote my understandings out to share with fellow practitioners (especially those who have similar problems like me) and furthermore, to express the seriousness of cultivation practice by looking at one case and then extending it to another.

My problem was that I had always regarded myself to be sick. It might sound inconceivable. Such a human mentality should have been eliminated at the beginning of one’s cultivation practice, yet I had carried it for seven or eight years till today. Until today I could hardly bear the suffering of the so-called sickness karma, I started to think about the problem seriously and deeply search my own loophole.

Before practicing cultivation, I had hepatitis B, the harm and influences of which were deeply born in my mind. This was also the main reason for me to walk into the cultivation practice; similarly it was also the reason for me to do truth clarification work, and to vigorously clarify the truth to the police that "Dafa is good". Before cultivation practice, I had been hospitalized for the treatments of hepatitis B, many times. After starting cultivation practice, although my human attachment for this illness was not completely rooted out, I had not seen a doctor for a treatment under Master’s protection. I should be a healthy person.

When I looked back, this was the fundamental attachment of mine. I always used my own tableware when eating meals, being afraid that it would infect my daughter. Oftentimes I was very cautious, fearing that the others might be repugnant. I had my daughter take shots of vaccines many times. One time I brought the vaccines back home. When I opened them at home, I found one dose missing; yet I was not awakened. I returned to the hospital to request another. The doctor said this had never happened before. And even worse, I had once helped a friend of mine to fabricate a false document. My friend knew that I had had hepatitis B before. He wanted to retire from his company under the excuse of sickness. In order to get a document of being sick, he asked me to have my blood sample drawn instead of his for a chemical examination. I agreed to help him. There were positive signs in the result of the chemical examination. This made me even more and more attached. Here I had several problems: first, I had not thought with a righteous mind that this was a test for me to be "qualified or not", and to be "a human or a god"; second, I had helped to fabricate a false document.

I knew clearly in my mind that that was a human attachment, yet actually I could not get rid of it with righteous thoughts. Human notions were deeply ingrained subconsciously in my mind. Looking for the reason, I found it was because my study of the Fa was not sufficient. As a result, my mind was not righteous enough. I was not completely dissolved within the Fa. Looking back, I found it was really extremely dangerous. While Fa-rectification had progressed till today, I still had such a human heart! I wrote this out to wake myself up; at the same time, I hope practitioners can take me as an example, and certainly achieve true cultivation.

Not only on the aspect of sickness karma, on the aspect of believing in Master and the Fa, one must 1000elieve in Master and Dafa. It would not be OK if there is a human mindset in any aspect. Fortunately, because of Master’s compassion, we still have the opportunity. Let us be diligent whole-heartedly together, and truly cultivate.

This is my personal understanding. Please point out any inappropriate words.