Cultivating Away My Deeply-Rooted Attachments
(Clearwisdom.net) I do not know why, but I always felt that Master was waiting for me, a predestined person. At the end of 2003, I finally stepped onto the path of cultivation.
In 1998, I knew "Falun Dafa was good." In 1999, I obtained several Dafa books, but I did not embark on cultivation for various reasons. After the persecution of Falun Dafa began on July 20, under the evil Chinese Communist Partys overwhelming and pervasive propaganda and slanders, my family members were deceived, so they forced me to hand over my Dafa books. But I secretly hid several books to use when I studied Dafa later on.
Because I was quite capable from the time I was little, plus the fact that I did well at school, I had always received praise from others. Consequently, I formed the notion that I had abilities and others "had to listen to me." No matter what I did, I always wanted others to know how well I did and how capable I was, just as Master said in Zhuan Falun:
"A lot of their attachments have already become natural to them, they cant notice it." "Maybe some people brag and show off in their day-to-day lives when they gain a little status or wealth, Im a guy who makes things happen, its always me."
Because I was also pleased with my achievements at work, I frequently, intentionally or unintentionally, tried to show off. But since I started cultivation, I often heard my family members criticizing my showing off, which aggravated me. In the beginning, I was not pleased and thought my abilities were a fact. Later on, I realized that this was Master helping me to get rid of my attachment to showing off through them. Thus, after a period of time, I gradually accepted my family members criticism and I often examined my behavior to see if there was any showing off when I talked. After a while, I thought I had more or less gotten rid of my attachment to showing off, so when others criticized me again I balked. At this time, something happened:
One day, my colleague and a cousin came to my home. I was making dinner. My cousin took my daughters Hula-hoop and gyrated with it. My colleague praised her, "Wow! She is really good." I did not even turn my head and said, "Thats nothing. I can do it. I grew up with it." Thereafter, my chatting with my colleague consisted only of the glory of my accomplishments and to show off how nice, sincere, etc. I was.
That evening, I had a very vivid dream: My cousin was gyrating with the Hula-hoop at my home. Master pointed at my cousin and said, "How terrific she gyrates!" I said, "I can also do it and I do it better than she." Master said, "Then you do it." I took the Hula-hoop and started to gyrate, but the hoop was light on one side and heavy on the other, and it promptly dropped down. When I tried it again, it dropped down again and I could not even make one rotation. I turned around and looked at Master and thought to myself, "Master must have caused it." Master looked at me tenderly and smiled but did not say a word. I understood immediately. Master looked at this pitiful disciple still clinging to this attachment and hinted to me again in my dream.
After waking up, I could not stop the tears from streaming down my face. I was happy to see compassionate and esteemed Master in my dream, but I worried that I had yet to give up that attachment. (Undoubtedly, I have all kinds of other attachments, and I can sense them.) I was ashamed to face what Master had done for me. To think how much Master has undertaken and borne for each of us, constantly looking after us, reminding us on our path of cultivation and waiting for us to walk right and to reach the standard, yet, how did I do? Although I correct myself whenever I can, at crucial moments, I still cannot give up my attachment, or sentiments, especially the sentiment towards my children. My eight-year-old little disciple daughter once asked me, "Mom, if when you leave upon reaching consummation, and I say to you, Please turn around and look at me one more time, will you turn your head around?" She meant that if you turn your head around you will fall down. I was suddenly at a loss for words.
I have never seen Master, but whenever I think of Master I cannot stop my tears. I know these are tears of gratitude from beings deep within, gratitude for things that can never be repaid.
Fellow practitioners, only when we walk our remaining path well and correctly can we lessen Masters worries, leave ourselves fewer regrets, and go with Master when the time comes.