(Clearwisdom.net) The purpose for my writing this experience sharing article is to expose my attachment of fear. Additionally, I want to share ideas with those practitioners who still have this same serious attachment and are not brave enough to clarify the truth. I hope they can learn a lesson from my sad experience and then cherish the precious time that is beyond measure, exert themselves to do the three things well, and save sentient beings.
I am an English teacher. This is not accidental, and I should have utilized the job properly in order to clarify the truth bravely to my students. Although I usually instructed the students based on the principles of Dafa and taught them some principles of how to be an upright person, my attachment of fear always caused trouble and I bore many everyday people’s thoughts and worries. Therefore, I only clarified the truth a little bit and in a half-hearted way. Hence, regarding the three things, I had never really stepped forward on the issue of truth clarification.
In June of this year, the class I taught was graduating. If I still hesitated to clarify the truth to them it would be too late. I decided that I would definitely clarify the truth to the students during their last class, so as to make up for their three years of painful expectation.
I entered the classroom that morning during the students' personal study time. Some were doing reviews, and some gave me their "memory books" and asked me to write in them. I thought, "Isn’t this arranged by Teacher?" I announced to everyone, "There is no time for me to write something in each one of your memory books. I will write my words for you on the blackboard." And then I wrote on the blackboard:
"Be sure to do good deeds, speak true words, do not cheat others and do not tell lies;
Do not hide your bad deeds;
Be sure to possess a benevolent heart and do not bully others;
Strive to 'let go of self' when you are faced with difficulties or unfair situations;
Never complain, have hatred, hold grudges, or exact revenge;
Endeavor to endure the toughest hardships and the things that are most difficult to endure."
As I wrote, I explained that these were concepts imparted by my Teacher and that I regarded them as tenets to live by and in which lay the supreme nature of the mystery of the universe. After I had spoken only two sentences, I heard them murmuring, "Falun Gong, Falun Dafa is good." A boy even left his seat and stepped up to the blackboard. He picked up a piece of chalk and wrote in the bottom right corner of the blackboard, "Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!"
When I saw that, I was really excited and touched. I understood that his helping me indicated that these sentient beings had been waiting for the truth for far too long. I decided to begin with the topic and clarify the truth.
Something strange happened, however. I was only able to utter two words when I lost my voice. After I tried to speak several times, I felt as if something was sticking in my throat, and I was not able to breathe easily. I also felt very tired. Right away I tried to search for the problem and suspected that it was because of my mentality of fear, but I found nothing for I felt pretty calm in my heart. Then I wondered whether it was interference from demons, so I silently recited the Fa-rectification formulas twice and tried to speak again. I still had no energy and was not able to utter any words. I then tried to clear my voice by coughing, but that didn’t work either. I felt both flustered and depressed. I could not do anything but rest and put it aside until things got better. At that moment a girl put up her hand and asked a question. I slowly went to her seat and found that it was about sentence structure transformation. The Chinese meaning of that sentence was: "If you are not brave enough, you will lose this opportunity."
I experienced a shock both physically and mentally: "Isn’t it clear that Teacher is giving me a hint and is instructing me to be braver in order to grasp this opportunity?" I walked around the desks, quickly stepped back to the podium, and planned to speak again. Several times just as I was about to open my mouth, I felt faint all over and could barely stand. Furthermore, I felt as if something was constricting my heart, and the feeling that a rope was tightening around my heart made it difficult for me to even breathe. After I exerted all my strength I could only utter two words.
I felt indescribably terrible. Time elapsed second by second while I remained helpless. When the study time ended I thought, "Fortunately there is another class in the afternoon, and then I will just speak directly."
It turned out to be more disappointing than I could ever have imagined. The school authorities informed us that the afternoon classes were canceled and that the students would be dismissed earlier for their holiday. As a result, all the students disappeared even before 2 o’clock in the afternoon. Because of my insufficient righteous thoughts, the evil exploited my loophole and I wasted the opportunity that Teacher had elaborately arranged. The sentient beings that had been with me for three years and that I should have saved departed. At that time, I was really disappointed in myself and felt unworthy of the title of a Dafa disciple.
Through studying the Fa and the exchange with fellow practitioners in the following days, I gradually realized that it was indeed my mentality of fear that was causing me trouble. This mentality that had formed over many years was magnified by the evil and resulted in a gap exploited by the evil. It had formed a "rope" to bundle me up and keep me from clarifying the truth.
Due to having an ordinary notion and knowing that I was on the evil's blacklist, I usually did not dare to clarify the truth in a dignified manner. My attachment to fear was therefore reinforced. In that way I also accepted the arrangements of the old forces as well. Taking this experience as an example, during such a pressing moment, I should have bravely and directly spoken out about the truth and should have written "Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good, Falun Dafa is good" on the blackboard in a dignified manner. Actually, when the student came up to the podium to write, it was already clear that Teacher was hinting to me not to conceal the truth, but I didn’t enlighten to it. Due to fear, I failed to write words on the board myself.
Cultivation practice is solemn, and the consequences may vary for each practitioner or idea. I had so many thoughts and deeds that were not in line with Dafa. I had accumulated a mentality of fear. How could I be free of problems?! Luckily Teacher won’t leave out any disciple. I can look at my attachments and rectify my path after this serious shortcoming. Otherwise, it would be not be merely a lost truth-clarification opportunity!
