A Young Practitioner Breaks through the Test of "Qing"
(Clearwisdom.net) Six months after my graduation from college, I met a girl. I ended up writing a love letter to her and became embroiled in qing.
My suffering was so intense during those hard times that I could not sleep at all at night.
This was done knowingly, so it produced a feeling of self-loathing, and the recollection of this feeling of shame was unbearable to me for a long time.
Having broken through the test of qing, I want to share my experience with fellow practitioners who have encountered similar problems.
Firstly, one should not be attached to qing. One must be clear headed at all times, and carefully distinguish the true self from ideas obtained after birth by examining every single thought. If it is an idea obtained postnatally, one should think about it thoroughly, face it, and eliminate it with righteous thoughts. If one can examine one's every thought all of the time for a while (say, one or two days), one will see significant improvements.
Secondly, one should let go of the human mindset and should not consider problems with a human mindset. When I was sunk deeply in the tribulation, I only used my human side to think about the problems. It did not occur to me that her attitude toward me had something to do with the old forces wanting me to fall, and manipulating her to behave that way to cause my fall. Anything she did seemed to be directed at my heart and resulted in increasing my attachments. One must not use the human mindset to think about problems, instead, one should use powerful righteous thoughts, knowing clearly that you are a Falun Dafa practitioner. One should not be moved by ordinary people, and not consider problems with human notions. One should also realize that the appearance of "trouble" actually brings a good opportunity to eliminate the attachment of qing, that all problems are targeting the heart, and that it is a chance for us to improve. Thus, we should better control ourselves, eliminate the attachments, and improve ourselves.
Thirdly, when refused by the girl I felt extremely depressed. Why? Because of selfishness. Since people are selfish, when one is rejected, one would think that the person does not acknowledge you or think well of you. This would move the heart of selfishness, and one would feel uneasy and embarrassed. Had I taken lightly what people say about me, good or bad (according to Teacher's teaching), I would not have had such reactions. The reason, at the root is actually the heart of selfishness.
Attachment to qing between a man and woman is an attachment to the so-called "beauty" and "happiness" in the secular world; in other words, not totally letting go of worldly things. However, would the so called "beauty" still be beautiful if measured with the Fa? It would not be. What is the goal of Falun Dafa practitioners? Should we not let go of worldly things?
Also, we should be confident in ourselves in being able to get rid of the attachment of qing. Do not reinforce thoughts of worry that you may fail. The mental burden is actually a "fear" that acknowledges it and a "request" for it. This way the qing presses deeper into us.
If you have fallen deeply into qing and feel that it is hard to get out of it with your righteous thoughts, you may want to shift your focus to doing the three things more diligently. Just do what a Falun Dafa practitioner is supposed to do without thinking about anything else. When you have really done the three things well, you will find that you have gotten rid of the qing naturally. Do not let the tribulation of qing affect your doing the three things. We should try our best to do the three things well no matter how painful it is, how difficult it is, and how hard it is to let go of the attachments.
In the meantime, we should also deal with relationships with ordinary people properly. Although others have brought tribulations, we should be compassionate to them and treat them with benevolent thoughts. Teacher said in Teaching the Fa in Canada, 2006:
"The work and family environments that you spend time in are both settings in which you are to cultivate yourselves, are part of the path you must walk, are what you must handle, and handle correctly at that. None of these should be glossed over. When you have made it to the end, [a question would be]: How did you travel the path that Master arranged for you? When all is said and done, these things have to be taken into account. And in the course of your cultivation these things have to be looked at, too. So you shouldn't neglect anything."
I came to the realization that we should deal with the relationships with others properly. Regardless of how things turn out, we should not verbally or physically abuse others. We should treat others well. As Falun Dafa practitioners, our state of mind should be that of compassion, which will move others and let them feel the great benevolence and great endurance of Falun Dafa practitioners. I personally believe that this is validating the Fa.
Being unable to relinquish the attachment of qing is an indication of a lack of Fa study. If we really understand the Fa clearly, then the principles of predestined relationships and following the course of nature will enable us not to be moved by the attachments of ordinary people. Reading the Fa more will purify our lives, and eventually we will be able to let go of ordinary people's qing.
The above is my experience that I would like to share with fellow practitioners. Please point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.