Giving up the Attachment of Gaining
"But true improvements come from letting go, not from gaining." (Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.)
When I read this for the first time I was shocked and had a feeling that I had just woken up from a dream. In fact, I failed to learn the true meaning of cultivation in the past several years of Fa study and Fa-rectification. I understood the Fa only through my feelings. I tried to look inward, but with the pursuit to achieve a consummation. I did this because I thought that I would let Teacher down if I failed to do so, thus I was treating Teacher and cultivation with a human mindset. When I came to understand this I felt greatly relieved and felt that I had genuinely attained the meaning of cultivation from this point. In the later Fa rectification, I started to remind myself constantly: "Give up the mind to gain something from what you are doing, in this way you are improving your xinxing."
"Different levels have different Fa" (Zhuan Falun).
The Fa is always ascending. It was in January this year that I came to understand the underlying meaning of this principle and started to see the loophole in my previous thought. The day was Sunday. I planned to write something for Minghui/Clearwisdom after sending forth righteous thoughts at 5:00, 6:00 and 7:00 a.m. With such a strong desire to write the articles, I failed to achieve a tranquil mentality when I sent forth righteous thoughts at 7:00. At that moment I was even in haste somehow, just like I was about to finish some task.
After I wrote the articles, I hastily wanted to send them out. Then, in a hurry, I tried to connect my computer to the Internet, but I just could not get it connected, even after I tried all of the software to break through the Internet blockage. I became so desperate that I even asked Teacher in my mind: "I am begging you, Teacher, just let me send out the three articles, even at the price that I shall never write any articles later." At the moment I was actually caught up in the attachment of pursuing fame. I knew that it was not right to be in such a mood. Then I put it aside and started to do the Dafa exercises. However, my mind was so preoccupied that I could not calm myself or go on with the exercises. In the end, I thought maybe I should bring my computer to a fellow practitioner, who had blamed me for failing to help him with making truth clarification materials. I could also find out if the fellow practitioner was able to log on to Minghui.
In the process of making truth clarification materials I profoundly perceived the sanctity of what I was doing. The Minghui Weekly Magazine was for fellow practitioners and I should print it in a nice format. The Minghui Weekly News Report is for sentient beings and I must guarantee its quality. At the time I could say that my mindset was relatively pure and righteous. I even felt very sorry when I tore a sheet of paper while printing because of my haste as I knew that all these things were bought with the personal savings of fellow practitioners. At the time my mental status had undergone great changes. When the printer was not working, I tried again to connect to the Internet, however without the previous desperation. I came to understand that my personal gain and loss would count for nothing. I even considered giving up the submission for the moment and submitting it later in an Internet cafe.
As a result, when I continued to print truth clarification materials, Teacher's Fa suddenly arose in my mind: "But true improvements come from letting go, not from gaining." I repeated silently the teaching in my mind and, little by little, started to understand: It was quite clear that I had the attachment of gaining. Superficially I submitted articles to validate the Fa, but essentially I was pursuing fame. I wanted my articles to be adopted by Minghui so that I could gain fame. Teacher had given me a hint to give up the attachment. After I genuinely gave up this attachment, I logged on to Minghui successfully through the Boundless Net, but I could not open the link for webpage submission. Then I tried the link for email submission and registered a mail box in Minghui. I opened the new account, pasted the three articles and clicked "send." Done! I was very grateful to Teacher. Through this way, Teacher helped me to discover a profound attachment and offered me a chance to learn the email submittal procedure. In addition, I improved my understanding of the Fa.
Through this matter, I carefully looked inward: There had been loopholes in my previous thought, although it appeared to be quite righteous superficially. The nature of the loophole is that I was pursuing something. I pursued improvement by thinking that I would get an improvement as long as I gave up. The truth was that I had not genuinely given up the human attachment. Now I have a more profound perception of this principle taught in Zhuan Falun. I'm including it here so that I can make progresses along with fellow practitioners.
"A practitioner believes he should only focus on practicing, without paying attention to obtaining gong. In cultivation and practice one should be in a state free of intention. As long as you focus on cultivating your xinxing, you will make breakthroughs in your level and certainly get things you deserve. If you cannot give something up, isn't it an attachment?" (Zhuan Falun)
"The issue of cultivation practice is not child's play, and neither is it a technique of everyday people--it is a very serious matter. Whether you want to practice cultivation or are able to practice cultivation depends completely upon how your xinxing is upgraded." (Zhuan Falun)