(Clearwisdom.net) My cultivation state has not been good recently. This morning, I had a serious quarrel with my mother. It was a manifestation of demonic behavior. After that, I felt regret. I thought, what's wrong with me? I have cultivated for so long, but still acted in such a way. I looked inside. Recently, I have not spent much time studying the Fa, so I could not find any specific reasons. I thought it was due to my not being able to take criticism in general.

Just after I finished doing the exercises and calmed down, I realized that I had the mind of being "crafty." Ever since I was a child, everything for me went smoothly. I was smart. Although I was lazy, I always tried to do everything well. Thus, a notion of craftiness has developed. I tried to avoid doing things that needed a lot of brain work or physical work. I always try to have others do these kinds of things. On the other hand, I took advantage of situations that other people couldn't. For example, others studied for a long time and studied very carefully, while I only spent a limited time and did not study carefully, but got higher scores. These kinds of things happened to me ever since I was born, right up until now. I took it for granted and was very pleased with myself, thinking that I was superior and need not mind minor details. I did not realize that I had fallen in the trap of the old forces. It would be very dangerous if it developed further.

This morning, I listened to Teacher's lecture in Zhuan Falun,

"A crafty, slick person’s ability to enlighten is actually pretty poor, and that’s because somebody who’s overly clever will tend to just do superficial work to get on the good side of his boss and superiors. Then won’t other people have to do the real work? Well, then you’ll have to pay them back. He’s crafty and he’s good at doing things that make him look good, so he makes out better, and then other people have to fill in for him. With his cleverness he won’t let himself lose out on anything, and chances are he won’t lose out, so other people will then have to lose out. As those trivial, immediate benefits become more and more important to him, he gets more and more calculating and petty, and he thinks more and more that ordinary people’s material gains are something he shouldn’t let go of. And he’ll think he’s practical, and that he doesn’t get short-changed."

Although I did not care about everyday gains and losses after I started practicing Falun Gong, I did care about gains in cultivation. For example, no one could distract me, no one could affect me in studying the Fa, doing the exercises, sending forth righteous thoughts and clarifying the truth. These notions seem to be reasonable, and I always feel that I have strong righteous thoughts. Actually, practitioners with strong righteous thoughts also diligently do the three things well and let go of personal attachments. It seems that I am also like this, but deep in my heart, it is totally different. It is based on selfishness. This is the reason why I always met with trouble and felt that my cultivation was difficult. I felt that I was controlled by the old forces firmly. The reason is that my mind is similar to the old forces. Therefore, I am seeking it, and thus it comes to take charge of me.

Studying the Fa and doing the exercises are fundamental. In the future, I will seize the opportunity of what we have and cultivate solidly by following Teacher on the path of validating Dafa.